Liuan Huska - Hurting Yet Whole: Reconciling Body and Spirit in Chronic Pain and Illness

InterVarsity Press
P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515-1426
ivpress.com

2020 by Liuan C. Huska

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Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

While any stories in this book are true, some names and identifying information may have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

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Cover design and image composite: David Fassett
Images: grungy black border: blackred / iStock / Getty Images

ISBN 978-0-8308-4808-9 (digital)

ISBN 978-0-8308-4807-2 (print)

This digital document has been produced by Nord Compo.

TO MY BOYS

May you each be part of the healing of this world.

W e come into this world blissfully unaware of these fragile, beautiful things we call our bodies. In our mothers womb, we bathe in continuous warmth and nourishment, changing shadows and muffled voices, not knowing where our mothers end and where we begin. We are one. We are whole.

Out in the bright, chilly world, most of us pass through childhood in a similar ignorance of unmediated bodily immediacy. We reach out to touch, smell, and taste all the blankets, fingers, dirt clods, oranges, chair legs, and windblown leaves we encounter. Our bodies move and grow, and sometimes get hurt and heal, without our thinking much about it.

Many of us also enter adulthood thinking very little about our bodies. They are just... there. They may alert us of their presence if we stub our toe on the bed frame in a nighttime bathroom expedition or when the powdery yellow coat of spring pollen irritates our sinuses. Mainly, though, bodies are the taken-for-granted backdrop to all we do in life. Our feet walk us through the grocery store, our fingers and eyes facilitate our internet browsing, our noses and skin take in the presence of our loved ones. But we dont notice our bodies in these moments. They just do what theyre supposed to do. And we go on living.

Then there comes a time when our bodies stop doing what theyre supposed to. They leap from their benign presence in the background and scream for attention. We cant help but notice. We ache. We double over. We cant walk, cant think, cant breathe. Something isnt right. Our bodies fall apart.

For many, this awareness comes with aging. My mother often groans, I feel like I am getting old. Bodily deteriorationrickety joints, sagging skin, the slowing march of internal organsis a normal, decades-long part of the business of living that leads to dying that leads to deaththe complete halt of bodily function.

For a growing number of us, though, our bodies malfunction long before normal aging sets in. Something goes wrong and refuses to be fixed by one or two visits to the doctor and time. Some of us have joints that start to swell and ache as teenagers. Others have jackhammer headaches that debilitate us for days. Yet others live with fatigue that makes the word tired seem like childs play.

For me, it was a niggling pain in my left ankle that spread to my foot, knee, back, and neck. After months of frustrating doctors visits, varying diagnoses, and ineffective treatments, I just started calling it chronic pain. Whatever name we end up giving our ailments, whatever treatments we endure, we share the feeling of a sudden disconnect with our bodies. Its not just that we are getting old. From the moment we are born, we begin to die, the saying goes. When we have a chronic illness, our bodies do not recover the way they should from an injury or change in the internal ecosystem. We dont bounce back. We languish. Our bodies, once friends that came along for the ride, become our betrayersall-consuming burdens of pain and frustration that thwart our goals and our chance to live a normal life.