Andrew Marin - Love Is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community

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Gay Versus Christian and Gay Christians

T urn on the television at any given point throughout the day and theres a good chance youll see warring entities slinging personal theology from one side to the other. In that setting the winner always emerges as the one who can speak more quickly and loudly and dominate the conversation. After his appearance on MSNBC, a Christian media figure emailed me and told me how he manhandled the other guest, whom I also know because he works for a GLBT organization The Marin Foundation has been involved with.

The way that the argumentative nature of the strained conservative-GLBT relationship has been publicized does more harm to both communities than it ever will do for good. But constructive dialogue just doesnt make good TV now, does it? This war has been paraded around like a circus and because of that, dissension and violent opposition have become the norm that each community feels is the proper way to handle the other. I can safely say that Scripture was never meant to be used to try to beleaguer and embarrass others on national TV, or for that matter, to draw unnecessary attention to yourself.

Unfortunately none of those tactics will be easily changed because the deeply permeated ethos to the fighting cannot be escaped: the interpretation of Scripturedefined as the all-inclusive word of God that blesses same-sex relationshipsno, I mean the judgmental Father who casts off gays and lesbians to their rightful place in hellum, Im actually talking about the Scripture that is only culturally relevant to its historical context and is not talking about monogamous same-sex relationshipswell, its really the Scripture that accounts for behavioral choices regardless of orientationor maybe its the...

You get the point. Evangelicals believe (as do I) that the Bible is the inerrant word of God, God-breathed by the Holy Spirit through human authorship. When I started The Marin Foundation I was twenty-four years old and had been immersed in the GLBT community for almost six years. But in those six years my experience had been purely relationalmostly through one-on-one interactions with my best friends, people I met at gay bars and clubs, and people who attended the Bible study group. I thought I had seen and experienced enough within those six years that nothing could shock me. It was not until I officially represented The Marin Foundation that I began to see firsthand how systemic and theological differences, as well as a blatant felt-hatred, were played out on a regular basis between the two communities. When I started getting involved with gay churches, gay Christians, and Christian churches and straight Christians who hated gay churches and gay Christians, and vice versa, I quickly realized that the word Christian was just a wordnothing more.

It was a bad label that communicated scorn and ridicule between the two communities who were each trying to prove that their version of Christian was the correct version. My Christian is better than your Christian. Youre not a Christian. The Jesus I know wouldnt do those things or say any of that! Christian was no longer a belief; it wasnt a religion, and it sure wasnt what God intended it to be or what Jesus made it.

Alas, I was convinced that each day I woke up I was to be pushed, battered and thrown into a complete mess that totally tested everything I faithfully believed and thought to be true. The battlefield had been marked, the teams were assembled, and I was tired of trying to be persuaded to join one side or the other when I didnt believe in what either was doing. My heart yearned for authentic Christianityone where people from both communities lived together in a shared belief in Christ amidst the stuggle.

The Words I Never Thought Id Hear from a Pastor

During a typical hot and muggy Chicago summer day I was in the office of a gay pastor in one of Chicagos more upscale neighborhoods talking about the bridge-building vision of The Marin Foundation. Although I know this pastor does not speak for all gay pastors, he interrupted me and flat-out told me that he intentionally disregards entire sections of the Bible because he believes that they are not correct, not inspired and do nothing but harm the GLBT community. He then quickly asked me what I thought about that. As I was about to answer the question, he not so subtly crossed his legs, folded his arms and sat back in his chair with a smug look on his face. Looking at him, my only thought was that he must have felt pretty proud of himself trying to trap me, just waiting for me to say something I probably would regret.

Over the years I have met people in the GLBT community who say things like that to get the Christians blood going, but I had never heard it come from a professing pastor. I guess this was my baptism by fire. I knew someday, someone was bound to say it, but I never realized how much it would actually affect me.

I sat kind of awkwardly with a puzzled look on my face, trying to get over the shock that those words came out of a shepherds mouth. I kept thinking to myself, how can someone who loves the Word so dearly not be totally offended by that statement? With a half-smile on my face I asked him to expand so I could figure out what he really meant. We ended up having an interesting conversationwell, it actually just consisted of him lecturing me in a harsh voice and giving me Pro-Gay Theology 101 for about an hour before he said he had another meeting and promptly asked me to leave his office.

The Words I Never Thought Id Hear from God

As I left I began to pray to God that not every gay pastor, or gay Christian for that matter, would be like that pastor. If that was going to be the case I knew The Marin Foundation was finished before it ever really got started. I realized that I couldnt handle or react to such antagonistic behavior with any civility. How was I to ever build a bridge when I loathed the person sitting across from me as he intentionally tried to rile me up and cause an argument?

Standing at a familiar bus stop across from that gay church, I devised a plan to ensure that I would always get the last word. With my chest puffed up, I suddenly heard God say, What if every professing gay pastor or gay Christian you ever meet for the rest of your life is exactly like that pastor? Does that make what I have asked you to do any less relevant? Now go and do as I have commanded.

I had never been humiliated and humbled so quickly. With my tail between my legs and an apology to God in tow, Joshua 1:9 came to mind: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the L ORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

And there it was. He and his words and his goals for my life, for the GLBT community and for his kingdom supersede any encounter I might not ever want to have again. There is a bigger plan at work, and its sure bigger than any potentially negative experiences that might come forthand for a brief second in my self-pity and anger toward that gay pastor I forgot all of that.

This sobering message refocused my thoughts and set my mind on a new path. From that point on, each day for the next six months I set up meetings with every gay pastor and gay church I could find in the city of Chicago. I would get together with themtwo, three, four of them per dayto learn about their beliefs and figure out how to somehow get involved.

Even at this early stage I knew I didnt want to wake up one day and be that guy yelling on TV, constantly trying to manhandle the opposition. I knew what I believed as truth, and for the first time I realized that the security in what I believed was not contingent upon other people having to agree with me. If I could only understand the ins and outs of what gay Christians believed I could begin to understand how to best represent Jesus within the GLBT community.