Karen Maezen Miller - Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life

care instructions
for an ordinary life

KAREN MAEZEN MILLER

New World Library

Novato, California

New World Library 14 Pamaron Way Novato, California 94949

Copyright 2010 by Karen Maezen Miller. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Text design by Mary Ann Casler

Portions of the chapter A Better Place appeared as My Bus in The Maternal Is Political, edited by Shari MacDonald Strong. Copyright 2008 by Shari MacDonald Strong and published by Seal Press.

As Time Goes By (pages 18 and 44) words and music by Herman Hupfeld. Copyright 1931 (Renewed) Warner Bros., Inc. All rights administered by WB Music Corp. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Miller, Karen Maezen.

Hand wash cold : care instructions for an ordinary life / Karen Maezen Miller.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-57731-904-7 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. Religious lifeZen Buddhism. 2. WomenReligious life. 3. Women-Conduct of life. I. Title.

BQ9286.2.M55 2010

294.344082dc22

2010003838

First printing, May 2010
ISBN 978-1-57731-904-7
Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is a proud member of the Green Press Initiative.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

A book cant save your life, except when it does. Hand Wash Cold is full of the lovely paradoxes of life, the paradoxes that feed us and clothe us and keep us warm, the paradoxes that make it possible for us to cherish our human lives. I am so grateful for Karen Maezen Millers powerful and provocative voice, I wish I could put it in my pocket and carry it everywhere. Wait: now I can.

Dan Barden, author of
John Wayne: A Novel and The Next Right Thing

Hand Wash Cold is a miracle of gentleness and truth. In this beautiful book, Karen shares her own stories of love lost, love gained, and love that simply is. She reminds us in her clear and quietly thrilling way that we need only pay attention to what is right in front of us, whether its a garment to launder, a plate to wash, a weed to pull, ora child to comfort. With humor and grace, she immerses us in the simplest and most noble joys of life.

Maya Frost, author of
The New Global Student

Karen Maezen Miller shows once and for all that you dont have to go to a mountaintop to start a spiritual practice. There is plenty to work with right in front of us, each moment and thank goodness, really, because what else is there? Karens lyrical writing distills her messages down to their essence, creating a memoir and spiritual guide like no other. Highly recommended for busy parents who are seeking peace, right where they are.

Amy Tiemann, PhD, author of
Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family

Hand Wash Cold is Eat, Pray, Love without all the scurrying from something. Rather, as Miller writes, There is only one place. The one youre in. You can never leave, but you can turn it inside out. Exceedingly wise and gentle, Hand Wash Cold reminds us of the precious lives weve already been given and whispers, Quit looking someplace else. Whether we need a good soaking or a delicate spot cleaning or a vigorous scrubbing, Hand Wash Cold will do the trick. I promise.

Elissa Elliott, author of Eve: A Novel

Dedicated to all my female ancestors
whose names have been lost or forgotten,
and especially to my grandmothers,
Erma Cordelia Null
and Hedwig Alvina Winkler,
who wrung everything out and hung it on a line

What is the Way?
Ordinary mind is the Way.

ANCIENT ZEN LAUNDRY INSTRUCTIONS

prologue: Care Instructions

the yard: To Forget Oneself Is
to Be Enlightened by the Ten Thousand Things

S OME MONTHS AGO I ordered a suit of monks clothing from Japan. It was a set of samue (sa-mu-ay). Samue is streetwear for Zen monks and priests, a simple wide-sleeved wraparound jacket with matching pull-on pants. Its an everyday outfit thats easy to throw on when youre not traipsing around in your robes. But the truth is, I dont often traipse around in my robes. Im not really that kind of Zen priest, not the kind you have pictured in your mind. Even though I ordered them all the way from Japan, Ive never worn my special pants or jacket. I just wear the same kinds of clothes you do, while doing the same kinds of things you do, every day.

What was more useful to me than the clothing was a tiny piece of paper that came tucked inside my shipment: a three-inch square of deckle-edged rice paper printed in Japanese. Because I had no idea what it said, I found it charming. I imagined it might be laundry instructions such as Hand wash cold. Or perhaps it said Inspected by No. 12. I put it on my desk, where I still look at it all the time.

Later I learned that the tag described the fabrics natural chestnut dye, but the translation didnt matter. My delight in the indecipherable had shown me something profound. With only a change in ones perspective, the most ordinary things take on inexpressible beauty. When we dont know, we dont judge. And when we dont judge, we see things in a different light.

Thats why I wrote this book. To atone for the messes Ive made, to see the wisdom Ive overlooked, to offer the care Ive left undone, to show both you and me the inexpressible beauty that comes tucked inside an ordinary life.

Dogen Zenji, a thirteenth-century Japanese Zen Buddhist monk, once summarized the spiritual path in three lines:

To study the Way is to study oneself.

To study oneself is to forget oneself.

To forget oneself is to be enlightened by the ten thousand things.

He wasnt speaking only about his life or my life, or only about the Buddhist path or any other devoutly religious pursuit. He was talking about you, and in between the lines of this book, so am I.

This book has three parts. The first part is about doing the laundry, revealing the pure wisdom that resides within you. The second part is about washing the dishes, bringing that wisdom to life as compassionate action. The third part is about tending the yard, sowing peace in the patch of pavement and grass you inhabit.

This sequence is not my idea, although it has been my experience. It is the teaching of the masters and the way of ordinary life. See for yourself.