Melanie Shankle - Everyday Holy: Finding a Big God in the Little Moments

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

ECCLESIASTES 3:11

O ver the last month, Ive felt fear and worry well up in me time and time again. And I dont really talk about it because its not fun to talk about. Id rather think about cute shoes, my hair, and that everything is 40 percent off at Gap right now.

The important things.

I think Im beginning to realize that we never really arrive at some incredible destination of perfect peace and tranquillity. Its a daily dependence on God, trusting and knowing that He can meet all my needs and has a great plan for my life. I know it, yet Im quick to fall into my old patterns and forget.

Ive thought so much about Pauls words in Philippians: Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me (3:12).

Im quick to get bogged down in the what-ifs, to worry and fret over things that are ultimately out of my control anyway, to try to come up with my own solutions and totally discount His sovereignty in all situations.

I worry that Ill regret not having another baby. I wonder if Caroline will grow up to be happy and normal without a sibling. Who will she roll her eyes when I say embarrassing things? Which is inevitable, by the way.

I worry about our finances and if were going to owe money to the IRS this year. I worry that were not saving enough for the future. I worry that our property taxes are going to go through the roof now that our neighbors have built the Taj Mahal next door.

I worry about Perry and me flying somewhere together because what if something happens? I worry about Caroline and if Im raising her to the best of my ability. I have days when my patience reaches its limit. And then I feel guilty.

And then I worry about feeling guilty.

I worry because Im speaking to a group of women in a few weeks and I dont know if Ill have anything to say beyond, Hey, yall. Whats up? What if I fail? What if I screw it all up? What if Ive heard God wrong?

So basically, on some days Im the definition of a mess.

Ive just given you a lot of information right there. I feel a little like that episode of Seinfeld where George bares his soul to Jerry and then says, That is who I am and everything I am capable of.

My point is that I dont have it all together, and I have days that just really stink. But I try not to focus on those things because, most of the time, I try to refrain from hosting my own party full of woe and pity.

A few weeks ago, I sat across the room from our former housekeeper, Cata. She is sixty-seven years old and has cleaned houses for most of her life. A month earlier, she and her husband lost their home and much of what they owned in a house fire. They have no insurance. Yet I sat there and listened to Cata tell me in broken English how blessed she felt and how God has been faithful to provide help throughout her entire ordeal. She looked at me with joy in her eyes and said, Melanie, God is not old. He is still working.

How much do I love that she said, God is not old? It totally makes me think of when God asks Moses, Is the L ORD s arm too short? (Numbers 11:23).

God is not too old, and His arm is not too short.

Ive been in a season of life where I often feel easily overwhelmed. After my conversation with Cata, I got on my knees and prayed about all my fears, doubts, and worries. Why dont I trust You the way I should? Why do I go back to that place of relying on my own power? Why do I let fear overtake me? When will I be the person I wish I could be?

I didnt get an answer.

But a few days later, I was walking my dogs down to an empty field by our house to let them run. I stood there watching them and noticed one lone bluebonnet sprouting up in the middle of the field. I know from past years that in another week, the entire field will be covered in bluebonnets. But for now, there is just that one.

I felt God say to me in the still, small place in my heart, My girl, thats how it is sometimes. After a long winter, spring doesnt happen all at once. It happens one flower at a time. I make all things beautiful, one flower at a time. And that was the reminder I needed that God is not old. He is always at work, even when it may not seem obvious at first.