Alison Faulkner - Youre Already Awesome: How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Step Into Greatness

Hello, Im Alison. Im really superexcited you are here. I think the best way to introduce myself, which seems necessary because were about to have a lengthy conversation in book form, is to do it the way I do it when Im speaking to an audience that Ive been hired to speak to, which is something I regularly do.

So lets set the scene. I want you to imagine a very average-looking, and I do mean average, as in average height, average weight (Im 100 percent serious; I am the exact average in the US), white-blond white lady in her thirties in a pseudoprofessional but also very loud outfit. Imagine her, which is me, slowly climbing the stairs to a stage, while air humping, thrusting, and maybe adding a bit of a spin, to a song that will either make you immediately like me more or cause you to question if you should skip this thing entirely. Lets say James Browns Get Up Offa That Thing! I will enthusiastically shimmy onto stage, take a moment to catch my breath, and then tell a brief anecdote that will connect us. For example, in this case I might say, Isnt starting a new book exciting? I know I love starting a new book! I always hope it will do what I want it to do! And then I do a sort of transition and say, So its awesome we both like starting new books, but who am I, right?! Why did anyone hire ME to speak to you?

Then I whip out the big guns and show you my first slide. It has an illustration of my head wearing large sunglasses. This tells you a lot. It tells you: This woman has commissioned and paid someone to illustrate her face. She seems to like sunglasses.

And then next to my animated floating head is the caption:

I am not totally sane.

Im not entirely sure how most audiences respond to this, even though Ive done it dozens of times. Im not entirely sure because Im personally so amused by it every single time, I dont notice if anyone else is. And before anyone has too much time to become uncomfortable I follow it quickly with slide number 2, which says:

But I am awesome.

And I believe youre awesome too.

Okay, were back in the book now, and heres what I mean by awesome. Yes, I was born in Southern California and have been accused of having a Valley girl accent, but I dont mean awesome in a gum-popping, airbrushed-on-a-surfboard kind of way. I mean it in the way that you are full of awe. Awe being a quiet reverent respect. And why are you full of awe? Why are you so insanely and inherently awesome?

Because your existence in every single moment is a phenomenon. A miracle. There is no other entity with your combination of experiences, genes, timing, relationships, ideas, and awareness. You are a creation of infinite potential and growth. That is AWESOME.

COME ON! THAT IS AWESOME.

You can literally choose to think anything. Like try it, think anything. Say it in your head. That is crazy! Who is doing that?! How does that happen? You didnt even have to try. You just knew how to do it! And who, by the way, is doing it? It cant be your mind, your brain, because then who is observing it? Who observed you saying anything? What part of you is that? Gary Zukav calls it the Seat of the Soul; I like that one. Some call it spirit; quantum physics calls it energy. Pantheism calls it nature. The current spiritual movement mostly calls it Universe. Many call it God. Michael Singer, who often asks people in his books and lectures to say hello over and over in their mind, says, There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind; you are the one who hears it. So YOU are the one who hears the voice.

Listen, we dont have to be rocket scientists to feel it. That we are not the voice of the mind, we are the one who hears it. And that one is without form, and so freaking limitless. And that is the real you. And you are awesome.

So maybe youre thinking, Cute, Alison. You seem really excited about me being a miracle and limitless. And I might even want to agree with some of these ideas, but why does it matter?

Heres why it matters to me.

Because no matter how it manifests in your life, most of us, most of the time, are operating from a lie. Its the same lie that continues to compound our suffering, no matter how we feel it, what words we use to describe it, or what we feel caused it.

And the lie is this: Our value is measured by the value we create and the value that others give us. That we have to earn or prove our value. That we are not inherently worthy, enough, or even just okay. And in order to be okay we need people, places, and things that are all outside of ourselves and most likely only gained through pain. THIS IS A LIE.

Hustle culture, which I define as the idea that your worth and value lay outside yourself and that you must constantly be bettering yourself and striving to be more, is so predominant, so sneakily oozing from underneath almost every message we hear, that we have the word hustle embroidered on pillows at big-box craft stores. Youve got your ribbon, yarn, fake florals, and decorative throws encouraging their target demographic of fifty-year-old women to hustle for their worth. And we dont bat an eye at it.

I used to live in all-consuming sheer panic and anxiety that there was something more I could be doing and should be doing at all times. And I was pretty sure that whatever I was doing, I was doing it wrong or it didnt feel like it was supposed to feel.

I used to operate from a place of certainty that my best would never be enough, it could never be enough, and that despite sincerely giving a whole effort each day I would always somehow come up short.

I used to scurry around taking action from a place of thinking that to be good, which was of the utmost importance to me, I had to allow anyone who needed anything from memy energy, my joy, my skillto take it. I believed this because I am incredibly blessed, privileged, and have a lot of good things in my life. And I believed that if I didnt do this I was being selfish.

Living like this for so many years taught my body how to suppress almost any emotion other than anxiety, panic, and fear. I learned early on that from a place of anxiety I could get a lot done. And getting lots done made me feel good and valuable. Adrenaline fueled my body and I could work for hours and hours with no sleep. Completely blocking out any physical needs, ignoring pains and urges. Except the one for Diet Coke.

The craziest part about all this is I used to think this meant that I was doing a good job because I wasnt thinking about myself. I was working and doing and serving! But in reality it was completely selfish because all this tired, frantic, painful action was stemming from a place of wanting to control how others perceived me. And not just how others perceived me but, really, how I perceived myself.

How do I know this? Because I felt exhausted and drained. You can live in service and do great things, without feeling so drained, but thats not what I was doing.

Mind you, I did all this, and operated this way, all while moving nicely through the world. I married a wonderful man, had three children, created and ran my own businesses. Its not like I was miserable every hour of every day. I was very happy a lot! Its not like I was pretending the joy, passion, enthusiasm, love, hope, and faith I also felt. All those beliefs, that panic, that anxiety, it coexisted with a very lovely life. But it also just about killed me. I just about killed myself.