Chantal Heide - After the First Kiss: 7 Steps That Make Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome

After The First Kiss

Making Your First Year Together
Ridiculously Awesome

Chantal Heide

Copyright 2016 by Chantal Heide

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

Chantal Heide

www.canadasdatingcoach.com

Ordering Information:

Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address above.

Printed in Canada

Chantal Heide.

After The First Kiss / Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome / Chantal Heide

p. cm.

ISBN 13 - 978-1537146805

ISBN 10 - 1537146807

1. Family and Relationships Dating

First Edition

14 13 12 11 10 / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Other books by Chantal Heide

No More Assholes Your 7 Step Guide to Saying Goodbye to Guys and Finding the Real Man Youre Looking For

Comeback Queen 7 Steps to Making a Triumphant Return to Dating After Divorce

For Dennis Heide

Contents

Acknowledgements

Where does one start when theres so much to be grateful for?

I want to thank my loving parents Pierre Allard and Pauline Champagne for being my cheerleaders from the moment I was born. My husband Dennis for his love and support, and our dogs Maggie and Lulu for letting me know its time to get out of the office and have another kind of fun. My editor Kit Duncan for her special brand of genius. (Im still waiting to find out about my namesake ukulele.) Catherine Muss for helping me populate my blog with amazing insights while I focussed on this book. Derek Murphy for designing my book cover. Pearl Van Geest for creating the painting for my You Tube studio thats shown on the cover. My beta readers for their incredible feedback, especially Paris Birch. My friends for their love and encouragement, especially Taylor Gerrard for pushing me to shine and Sheldon Purkiss for encouraging me to tell my story. Grace Cirocco for her amazing retreats, where I learned to open up to love and inner power. And of course, the Universe, for sending me everything I need and being a voice I can trust.

Foreword

The biggest mistake youll ever make is not understanding the power you have in forming the nature of your relationships.

Do you know how much I love you? I asked my husband as I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck, kissing my love into his cheek and hoping the swelling in my heart didnt bust through my chest wall. Yes, my baby! he replied sweetly, always patient no matter how many times Id asked the question that day.

I loved him for giving me space to find myself. I loved him for all the support he gave me while I pursued my dreams. I loved him for not caring about my scattered papers, for always answering me when I asked him what he thought, for stopping and putting his arms around me whenever I needed it.

I loved him for his patience, his understanding, his ability to stumble through his emotional turmoil and find the other side, like I did. I loved him for never making me feel like his happiness was more important than mine, and he loved me for supporting his goals and seeking ways to make him happy. Funny how happy and love go hand in hand.

Happily in love? Yep, even after 10 years. In fact, I feel like were more in love than ever because of the communication styles I now teach. We used to struggle so much to find middle ground, each of us standing on our islands with megaphones, shouting, LISTEN TO ME!! But because we were both shouting at the same time, neither one of us was being heard.

Lose-lose.

So I put mine down and listened. I listened carefully, with an open heart and mind, and I took nothing personally. I valued his feelings and put them first, and I did my best to ensure he felt his needs were being met. Why? Because he had done his best to do that for me, and it was now my turn.

Hed worked hard to bring us together, worked hard to keep us together, and it was time to let him know I was willing to take over, to step up and shoulder the load and make sure we got to our destination. Using the tools in this book, I brought fresh light and perspective to our relationship, building a beautiful house on top of the foundation hed laid for us.

You see, a good man will ensure he wins your heart, your trust, and your devotion by putting himself on the line emotionally and doing everything he can to prove to you that youre The One. He will draw you in and show you the nest hes built for you, and ensure youre feeling his display of the 3 Ps every day - by providing what you need, by professing his devotion to you to all others, and by protecting you from those who would seek to bring you down.

But once hes done this, its your turn to show him youre the woman worthy of everything he can offer. Hes tired from the journey, having carried the majority of the weight thus far, and he needs help making it the rest of the way. Its up to you now to show him how the rest of the relationship will go. How will you communicate? Make up? What will you fight for and what can you accept? And most importantly, what does forgiveness look like and how quickly can you give it?

Women dont understand that men look to us to lead the tone of the relationship. Sure, we both bring baggage and BS, old ways of dealing with things that need to be undone. But with time, persistence, and plain old stick-to-it-ness, if you continuously display functional and loving behaviour your good man will gladly follow suit. You can be the respite in this crazy world for the both of you.

Win-win.

I dont know if Id be married today if it wasnt for Grounding. The biggest relationship-saving element you contribute is control of your own mental state, because men cherish women who lead the way when it comes to emotional wisdom. Incorporate this step and show him what a peaceful loving union is all about.

A good start is half the battle. ~ Pluto

Cuddled close together on the couch , we watched TV as his hands idly stroked and massaged my back. I rested my head on his shoulder, turning my attention to the growing feelings of love and gratitude in my heart. As Id done so many times before I focused on the sensation, feeling it create a ball in my chest that I pushed towards him, doing my best to feed this loving energy into his body.

I love you, I appreciate you, I thought over and over, knowing the words were creating their own loving frequency in my mind. Even if they werent crossing through my skull and somehow affecting him, at least they were having a positive impact on my own sense of peace and happiness by weaving this contented feeling into my psyche.

I relaxed further, deepening the positive feelings, breathing into them as I cleared my mind of everything but the fusion of our bodies cuddled together, the sound of his breathing, the sensation of his hands as they wandered over my back. I felt my heart grow more as I tried to fill the space between us with all the love and appreciation I felt for this amazing man. He deserved every little bit.