Chantal Heide - Comeback Queen: Make A Triumphant Return To Dating After Divorce

COMEBACK QUEEN

MAKE A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO DATING AFTER DIVORCE

BY CHANTAL HEIDE

Copyright 2016 by Chantal Heide

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other

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Chantal Heide www.canadasdatingcoach.com Ordering Information:

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For details, contact the publisher at the address above.

Printed in Canada Chantal Heide.

Comeback Queen Making A Triumphant Return To Dating After Divorce / Chantal Heide

p. cm.

ISBN 13 - 978-1540898425

ISBN 10 - 1540898423

1. Family and Relationships Dating Second Edition

14 13 12 11 10 / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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For my Ladies.

Never stop believing you deserve your hearts desires.

I can be good, but the people I surround myself with make me better.

Id like to thank Catherine Muss. Without her research, hard work, and dedication, this book wouldnt have been born so soon. Thank you to all the ladies who weighed in with their hearts on their sleeves; their pain has helped countless women find joy.

Kit Duncan for making me laugh more than she makes me cry every time she edits my books, and Derek Murphy for another fantastic cover.

My mom and dad for being my #1 fans, and my husband for never complaining about how messy the house gets when Im in writing mode.

My friends and fur babies for their much needed companionship, distractions and laughter.

And I thank you, my readers. I do it all for you.

D ivorce sucks. I know, Ive been there. Pain, guilt, betrayal. My mind incessantly plagued with whys for the longest time.

My first husband was my safe place when we got together, but over time it began to feel like he just wasnt anything. We had turned away from each other, living separate lives, sleeping in separate rooms. I felt lonely. He felt. I dont know. We loved each other, but we werent in love anymore. We were biding time, it seemed.

Divorce was inevitable.

As with every Chapter of my life, looking back I see the growth I gained from my first marriage and how it prepared me for so much. It helped me become the person I am today, someone who is happier and more stable than ever before. Ive learned to appreciate my scars because they remind me of how far Ive come.

I know youre hurting right now, and you feel betrayed and let down. I cant say I know exactly how you feel because everyones experience is so personal, but Ive helped many women make their way through the glut of emotions that take place after divorce. Youre in a pit and youre looking for a way out. Let me give you a hand.

By the end of this book I want you to feel relief. I want you to feel lighter. This book is a tool box filled with advice to help you climb out of that hole and make yourself feel better. I hope you become inspired to see the light at the end of the tunnel and chase your dreams once more. I hope you realize how absolutely amazing you are. And I hope you make the effort to open your heart again because trust me, the right man is worth working for.

Comeback Queen is a companion to my other book No More Assholes, but in case this is your one stop Ive included some of the advice from NMA to help make sure you dont pick the same relationship all over again. While you dont absolutely need to read NMA youll benefit from all the topics I cover in more detail, because here in ComebackQueen Im more focused on helping you heal yourself while NMA offers the focus you need to make smart dating decisions.

While divorce is something we all experience in our own way, this book covers a wide spectrum of individual experiences and questions. We interviewed a lot of women and put their questions and concerns in italics, and hopefully youll see yours here too.

As always, I welcome your feedback because I love hearing from you. If I missed something, let me know. Your input could help someone else down the road.

Namaste, mysisters. Letstravelthisjourneyof empowerment together.

B efore you start dating again you have to purge your heart of hurt and ensure your now defunct marriage and ex-husband arent tainting your future with residual emotions. You need to learn to let a lot of negativity go or risk remaining a prisoner of a time in your life thats over. Youll end up stuck in a rut, spinning your wheels on the road to nowhere instead of finding the lesson and moving on to something greater.

I understand you have a lot to work through. Guilt, shame, anger, fear, sadness, despair its a basket of emotional hysteria. I hear your pain. Its never a bad idea to talk to a counselor, and I strongly encourage it. But in the meantime, lets go through some of those flying thoughts and put a little perspective front and centre so we can help you come back to your happy place once more.

He took everything from me. I need to get back at him for ruining my life. You cant fight fire with fire; it just causes a more intense inferno, and in the end everybody gets burned. If you want your next relationship to be loving and peaceful you have to let go of that dark, fiery pit thats burning inside you first.

Otherwise, youll infect any future relationships because the toxicity emanating from your soul will leak into them.

You dont have to be a victim. Yes, he wronged you. Were you completely blameless? Maybe, but at the very least youre responsible for your choices, and Im here to help you make better ones going forward. Whatever happened, its time to move past it or risk never finding happiness.

That might seem hard to do today, but I assure you with the steps in this book and an I can do this attitude youll be able to move through this and gain the tools to ensure you create a bright, happy future.

George Herbert once said, Living well is the best revenge. If you feel your ex, in his own emotional dysfunction, tried his best to drag you down and put you under his shoe make it your intent to ensure he never succeeds. Become happy, because nothing will piss him off more. No amount of vitriol on your part will thwart his efforts to put you beneath him, but finding inner joy and light and having it flow and glow from you is sure as shit going to show him he cant succeed.

Whos got the power? You. Deep inside, its there waiting for you to tap into it and Im here to show you how.

I dont understand why he wanted a divorce. I thought ours was a good ma r riag e . Me n can b e notoriousl y ba d com m unicator s . T hey are creatures of few words and often try to avoid conflict, so even when they do tell us something upsetting we can easily miss the message. Also, we fool ourselves into thinking that everything is fine or that problems have been fixed because they arent being repeatedly brought into the spotlight.