Fran Greene - Dating Again with Courage and Confidence: The Five-Step Plan to Revitalize Your Love Life after Heartbreak, Breakup, or Divorce

The 5 Step Plan
to Revitalize Your Love Life after Heartbreak, Breakup, or Divorce

Fran Greene, L.C.S.W.
Author of The Flirting Bible

After a breakup, your grief can be crippling. Whether you were married, in a long-term relationship, or in a short-lived but intense one, the loss you experience is real. But a broken heart is temporary. When it heals, you can be even stronger than beforeyou can love even more deeply and fully than you could have imagined.

Thats where this book comes in. In it, I offer a systematic, prescriptive approach to help you get over your breakup and move on toward joy and fulfillment. Think of me as your Breakup Doctor: Im here to care for you, but I cant do it alone; you need to be involved each step of the way. This book is a participatory process. Your investment is crucial: Youll need to take action and ownership of your healing so you can move through the pain of your breakup and into the life you were meant to lead.

As a relationship expert and professional dating coach, I have interviewed many women who have recovered from breakups or divorcesincluding some who have experienced multiple breakups. While researching this book, I asked them, What helped you the most while going through your breakup? What helped bandage your heart when you couldnt stop the bleeding? What did you need to do to gain confidence and get back into the dating world? Which dating tips helped you the most? And the advice I offer here is based on their remarkable recovery storiesplus my own personal and professional experience. In case youre wondering if Ive ever had my heart broken, the answer is a resounding yes. Ive had two major heartbreaks, and lots of mini ones. Heres what it felt like for me:

I finally met a wonderful guy whom I was completely sure I would marry and live happily ever after with. We dated for two years. We had everything in common; we lived together; and it felt like a perfect fit. And then one day he said he wasnt sure of his feelings. I dismissed this; facing it was too scary. Everything returned to normal for a while, and I was 100 percent sure that marriage was on the horizon. Everything was perfect againor so I thought. Several months later, he told me it was over. I remember hearing the words Its over, and then I went numb. I heard nothing except my own inner voice, which was screaming at the top of its lungs. This cant be happening, it shrieked. My life is over. Ill never meet anyone, Ill never love anyone else, nor will anyone ever love me. I felt paralyzed and cried uncontrollably. It was almost an out of body experience.

But what I learned from heartbreaks like this one was that I needed to be resilient and believe I would find the love of my lifebut I couldnt leave it up to chance. I had to take control of my social life and do anything and everything that would bring me closer to finding the love and happiness I knew I deserved. I had to be my biggest cheerleader. And I was. I tried just about everything in my search for the perfect partner, because I knew that anything really important in life takes effort and work, and I was determined to persevere!

It worked. Lucky me: I met the love of my life, the man who is my amazing husband. He continues to make my life complete, and I couldnt be happier. I love him with all my heart and soul. And my dream is for you, too, to find the love you want and deserve. Im so glad youve let me into your life to help you do that.

To that end, my job is to get you to move dating to the top of your to-do list, even if you dont want to. Why? Because the longer you put off dating, the more difficult it becomes. Procrastination does have a benefityou can avoid taking the risk of dating againbut the downside is that your fears will be intensified the longer you wait.

So lets get going! Heres what you can expect in the coming pages. This book is divided into five steps. Each step features exercises or assignments designed to inspire you and to build your confidence so dating will become your new favorite hobby.

Step 1: DECLUTTER

Adjust to Life after a Breakup

Breakups turn your life upside down and inside out, so Ive created a Breakup Survival Kit to help you get through the first days and weeks post-breakup. Its chock-full of useful, down-to-earth ways to help you cope with the devastation of your heartbreak. Once youre ready, Ill explain the five stages of grief that characterize the end of every relationship, so you wont feel scared or overwhelmed by them. Then, Ill give you clear-cut directions on how to disconnect from your ex and a menu of options for expressing your thoughts and feelingswhich can help kick-start your recovery. Ill encourage you to seek help when you need itfrom friends, support groups, and therapists who can all help you make sense of the end of your relationship. Ill walk you through ways to nourish and nurture yourself; show you why decluttering, both literally and metaphorically, is essential to opening your heart and mind post-breakup. Ill be totally honest with you about the risks (and rewards) of rebound relationships. Ultimately, will show you that your broken heart will not last forever. You will recover.

Step 2: FIND JOY

Advice for Diving into the Dating Pool with Confidence and Optimism

In this step, youll celebrate that your heart has healed and your tears are now part of your past. And Ill show you how to overcome your dating fears so you can jump back in and start dating againthis time, with the mindset, Its Just a Date. (These four words will become your new mantra!) Youll learn how to tell when youre ready to start dating; how to choose a dating coach who will support you and cheer you on through your dating adventures; and youll find out exactly which dating rules you need to break if you want to find lasting love. I have plenty of suggestions for what to do when youre actually on a date, too, so your encounters will be fruitful and fun. In , your whole attitude toward dating will be transformed, and youll look forward to it with confidence and joy.

A broken heart is temporary. When it heals, you can be even stronger than beforeyou can love even more deeply and fully than you could have imagined.

Step 3: FLAUNT IT

Become a Fabulous Flirt

Ever notice how some people are natural flirts? You can be one, too, and , youll be on a 24/7 flirt alert and see opportunities for meeting people just about everywhere.

Step 4: MASTER IT

Unlock the Secrets of Online Dating

is detailed, specific, and includes lots of online dating secrets that will help you maximize success and minimize disappointments.

Step 5: EMBRACE YOUR FUTURE

Embark on Your Personal 60-Day Dating Action Plan

Setting a goal is the best way to convert a dating dream into tangible results, so in shows you that you have everything it takes to date successfully and amazingly. Remember, youve got to be in it to win it!

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Your success is my greatest pleasure. Its my hope that this book will help you return to dating with joy, enthusiasm, and optimism. May all your dreams come true!