Owen OKane - How to Be Your Own Therapist: Boost your mood and reduce your anxiety in 10 minutes a day

OWEN OKANE has dual medical and psychotherapy training and is a former NHS Clinical Lead for Mental Health. His first book Ten to Zen was a Sunday Times bestseller. Owen lives in London but grew up in Belfast during The Troubles, which he describes as a great training ground for his current work. He also spent many years of his career working with people living with a terminal illness, which has greatly influenced his work. When not writing books, Owen runs his private therapy practice, delivers talks, and contributes to press and media on mental wellness issues. He is a lover of dogs.

Ten to Zen

Ten Times Happier

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2022

Copyright Owen OKane 2022

Owen OKane asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the authors imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

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Ebook Edition June 2022 ISBN: 9780008378288

Version 2022-05-10

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• Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008550639

To my partner Mark, who believed I could

help many people through my books.

Thank you for your belief and encouragement.

I m a therapist and, like most therapists, Ive been to therapy. It changed my life. In fact, therapy affected me so profoundly that I was inspired to become a therapist myself.

I believe therapy has the potential to change everyones lives for the better. But heres the problem. It isnt cheap, its hard to access and there are often waiting lists spanning years. And lets not forget, theres still some degree of stigma attached to therapy! But if youre feeling at all hesitant, consider this: sometimes our brains need a little maintenance and looking after to help us deal with lifes challenges. And thats what good therapy helps with. Its nothing weird or freaky. I promise that you wont end up living in a forest or hiding away in a cave. Therapy is for the courageous and what it delivers is true strength and endless possibilities for a fuller life.

After musing on the challenges associated with helping people to get the therapy they need, I had a brainwave. The goal of most therapy is for clients to finish a block of sessions skilled up and aware enough to become their own therapist. So I realised that I needed to write a book that taught people how to do exactly that.

Welcome to How To Be Your Own Therapist.

I want this book to be a practical resource that anyone can use. This is not detailed psychoanalysis, and I say that completely unapologetically.

I have the deepest respect for my colleagues who work differently to me, but this isnt a heavyweight academic clinical book. Instead, it aims to simplify complicated theories and make them useable in everyday life. The first half of the book will take you on a personal therapeutic journey, before we get to the daily ten minutes of self-therapy in the second half of the book. We need that first half, otherwise your daily practice wont make any sense. I like to think of the first half as creating a new you; its like a crash course in therapy, or therapy bootcamp, if you like. The second half is the daily maintenance.

In this book, I will teach you how to access the therapist within you and make the best of each day whatever is going on for you. The skills youll learn will help you to function better, feel better and live better for the rest of your life.

One final declaration that might come as a bit of a surprise. I am not going to change you. I am offering you my insights, learning and experience. It is your choice what you do with it. Too many books, gurus and professionals promise to change your life. I cant do that. But I do believe you can change your life.

ABOUT ME

First and foremost, Im a human being with weaknesses, vulnerabilities and a back catalogue of mistakes like most people. I know from personal experience what it means to be imperfect. I believe this helps a lot in my line of work!

I think we have too many people telling us to do more, be more and buy more, instead of helping us understand how we can live our present lives better and with less struggle. My other bugbear is how often were told to ignore the warning signs that life is getting on top of us. Its all well and good being told, Youve got this! but sometimes we havent, and we might need a helping hand along the way.

I have a dual medical and psychotherapy background. Before I became a psychotherapist, I was a palliative care specialist. My final job in the NHS was as Clinical Lead for Mental Health in London. I now run my own private therapy practice in London, but I see clients from all over the world. I also deliver talks and workshops internationally on issues related to mental health.

I grew up in Northern Ireland during The Troubles: a period of intense violence between Nationalists and Unionists. It was a challenging childhood. During my own therapy I discovered that, as a result, I was hardwired to be in a perpetual state of fear, watching out for the next problem. Ive since worked on that.

Im also gay, which meant a lot of interesting conversations while in therapy. Being Irish, Catholic and gay was a conundrum for me. Catholicism in my formative years preached about praying the gay away. So itll come as no surprise that some of my biggest revelations in therapy were that I tended to consider myself the underdog, and I regularly felt the need to prove my decency as a human being. Therapy taught me I didnt need to prove anything. Instead, I learnt the joy of self-acceptance.

In this book, I will share the personal discoveries I made about myself with you, to demonstrate what is possible with therapy. Im talking about breakthroughs. Transformation. I am confident you will realise both by reading this book.

HOW DOES THIS BOOK WORK?

THIS BOOK IS DIVIDED INTO TWO PARTS.

we will look at: