Susan Page - How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love

If Im So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive

BROADWAY

A hardcover edition of this book was published in 1997
by Broadway Books.

H OW O NE OF Y OU C AN B RING THE T WO OF Y OU T OGETHER .
Copyright 1997 by Susan Page.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher. For information address Broadway Books, a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc., 1540 Broadway, New York, NY 10036.

BROADWAY BOOKS and its logo, a letter B bisected on the diagonal, are trademarks of Broadway Books, a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc.

The Library of Congress has catalogued the hardcover edition as: How one of you can bring the two of you together : breakthrough strategies to resolve your conflicts and reignite your love/by Susan Page.1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references.
1.Marriage. 2.Marital conflict. 3.Married peoplePsychology. 4.Self-help techniques. I.Title.

HQ 734. P 15 1997 646.7008655dc20 96-24092 CIP

eISBN: 978-0-307-80924-7

v3.1_r1

This book is dedicated with gratitude and love
to my mother-in-law,
Florence Shacter,
who lived this book decades before it was written.

(On her ninetieth birthday, she did her usual hour of yoga.)

T o all the members of my audiences who have asked me, What if my spouse wont go for counseling? I owe my first debt of gratitude. Also, to the people Ive interviewed, coached, and guided through workshops, my heartfelt appreciation for your hard work and your willingness to talk so openly with me. This book wouldnt be possible without your stories.

If you like this book, you owe a huge thank-you to my parents, Helen and Edwin Hammock. I learned from them how to do a good marriage, and it was they who helped me become the person who could write this book. They are both extraordinary people. (And thank-you to them for correcting my grammar all those years too. It sank in!)

My sterling literary agent, Sandra Dijkstra, encouraged this book idea and has been an invaluable partner throughout every stage of the project. She is a master at what she does.

See that halo over literary agent Patti Breitman? Brightwoman that she is, she generously steered publisher Bill Shinker in my direction and then wouldnt even let me take her out to dinner! Heres my thank-you, Patti. Im beholden forever.

Im extremely grateful to Bill Shinker at Broadway Books, the person who brought this book to life. Working with him has been a special pleasure.

Every author knows the agonizing search for the perfect title. This time I was rescued by marketing genius David Garfinkel. The title fell out of his mouth one day while we were talkingand it was he who had the brilliance to notice it! David has been a great support throughout the project.

Psychotherapists Janet Kirk and Harriet Sage and editor Amanita Rosenbush read early versions of the first few chapters. Their encouragement was important. Fellow relationship author Azriela Jaffe was a wonderful resource, faxing me relevant articles and turning me on to useful books or chapters.

My writing buddy, Bob Davidson, and I had long conversations about the philosophy that permeates these pages. He took a special interest in each step of the books development and offered his relentless optimism and support.

I feel a special debt to style consultant Susan Schwartz who dresses me for my public appearances, and has contributed valuable ideas to this bookand to my life. She is a gem!

Numerous friends have offered critical insights or special help. They include Rebecca Beardsley, Ida Centoni, Ilene Dillon, Naomi Epel, Robin Everest, Bob Fink, Anita Goldstein, Gail Henningson, Jane Hunter, Jerome Kirk, Malcolm Lubliner, Melinda Marmer, Joanne Mendez, Jim Mittleberger, Annie Mudge, Diane Ohlssen, Roseanne Packard, Ruth Pritchard, and Chris Reeg.

My fabulous sister, Bonnie Davis, carefully combed through late versions of several chapters, coming up with insightful nuances.

Alice Vdovin, my resourceful, imaginative, and generous assistant, has provided relentless support for many years now. I can never thank her enough. I would be lost without her.

Janet Goldstein, my editor at Broadway Books, is a true professional and pure joy to work with. Her assistant, Betsy Thorpe, has also been extremely helpful.

Mayer Shacter is an amazing husband. Hes talked over every aspect of this work with me, endured the I cant write! days, and helped to celebrate all the excitement this project has been for both of us. He is a model of the ideas in this book, and has contributed some very important thinking to it. And he takes absolutely wonderful care of me.

I also want to acknowledge my son, Gabe, and my brand new daughter-in-law, Kim, who will have been married about six months when this book is first published. They have brought immeasurable joy to my life, and I want to say out loud how much I love them!