Alexandra Kennedy - Losing a Parent: Passage to a New Way of Living

Six months after my fathers death, I began writing for my own healing about the events, both inner and outer, of his dying. However, it was my clients and friends, seeking new perspectives on their own grief, who encouraged me to continue writing for a larger audience. Although I cannot name them here, I want to express my deep gratitude to my clients. Their struggles, stories, questions, challenges, triumphs, and insights have inspired many of the pages of this book. To honor the confidentiality of those whose stories appear in this book, I have changed their names and other identifying details. And I extend heartfelt thanks to my dear friends who supported me emotionally through seemingly endless drafts, sustaining me through the periods of discouragement and sharing in the joys, especially Lois Robin, Jill Hoffman, Eileen Slattery, Kathleen Roberts, Richard Salzburg, David and Gina Hess, Gertrude Karnow, Mackie Ramsay, Ed Demere, Anina and Derek Van Alstine, Isabelle Roselund, Susan and Phil Wagner, and Marsha Newman.

Many colleagues and friends also gave generously of their time and editorial skills, offering invaluable suggestions, especially Barbara Vogl, Michael Warren, and Frances Horn. Special appreciation goes to editor extraordinaire Hal Zina Bennett, who gave this book his support from the earliest stages, his belief in its value motivating me to keep working. I am grateful to Kathleen Roberts for her logo designs of the ancient symbol of the vescia piscis, two interlinking circles that represent the meeting of the visible and invisible worlds. And my thanks to the Capitola Book Cafe for providing an environment so conducive to writing and a hot pot of chai brewing.

My profound gratitude to my editor at HarperSanFrancisco, Michael Toms, for taking such a personal interest in my book and supporting it through its birth pains. I must also express my appreciation to the staff at HarperSanFrancisco for being so skillful in their work and respectful of mine. And special thanks to Mimi Kusch and Mark Salzwedel for their support and encouragement.

Throughout the past two years, a small group of friends has gathered regularly in my living room, committed to exploring the inner realms together. Many of the journeys in this book were experienced and first shared there. These meetings have been for me a continual source of renewal, surprise, and inspiration. I also owe much gratitude to the members of the monthly dream group whose insights over the past seven years have been invaluable to my personal and professional growth.

I want to acknowledge those whose teachings have had a significant impact on my life and hence on this book: Stephen Levine, Michael Harner, Arny Mindell, James Hillman, Ken Ring, and many others named and unnamed in this book. I deeply appreciate two wise people who knew what seeds were germinating unseen within me over the past twenty years and prepared me for their emergence: Lew Fein and Jack Schwarz.

The appearance in my life five years ago of heartful friend and brilliant mentor Ken Ring marked a new chapter. He validated for me the often unusual and sometimes frightening experiences that are so much a part of explorations into inner space, giving them a new context in the light of his own work and research. I thank him for the inspiration of his vision, for his faith in me, and for his encouragement, which have all been such major catalysts to this book that I can in no way adequately acknowledge his contribution.

I am grateful for the love of my family and friends, which has helped make the many months of grieving one of the richest times of my life. To my mother and good friend, with whom I have shared so many passages, I hold out the blossoming rose of our relationship. My thanks to her for instilling in me a love of books and creative expression, but mostly for her ever-present confidence in me. I am just now beginning to acknowledge the full impact of all that my father gave me in lifeand in deathrich gifts, indeed, that will take a lifetime to fully integrate. I feel grateful for all the healing that has taken place since his death, opening my heart and our relationship to new depths of acceptance and love. And I thank my son, Taylor, whose expansive spirit, humor, and fresh perspective have shone on my life since his birth, for challenging me to move beyond my own fears and limitations and reach for my dreamsthis book being one.