Sara Wallace - Created to Care: Gods Truth for Anxious Moms

Last week I came into the living room and found my four-year-old lying perfectlystill, flat on his face. I was startled.

Honey, what are you doing? I asked.

The muffled voice from the carpet said, Playing with my toys.

I stared at him, confused. I didnt see any toys, and he certainly didnt look likehe was playing. What toys?

My son shifted his body slightly so I could see under his stomach. I saw two plasticsnakes, three playing cards, and a Lego man peeking out. His current favorite toys.

Why are you lying on them? I asked.

He turned his head to face me. I dont want anything to happen to them.

I tried to process the situation. Youre protecting your toys so you can play withthem... but youre not playing with them. Are you having fun?

Yes, came the automatic response. Obviously, he was not.

I didnt understand. My son loved these toys, but he couldnt enjoy them. He couldntbear the idea that something might happen to them (or that a brother might dare totouch them). He would rather lie facedown on the carpet than play with them.

I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. He looked so miserable. Something thatwas supposed to bring him joy was paralyzing him.

I have an embarrassing confession to make: thats exactly the way I sometimes feelabout motherhood. I love being a mom so much, and yet it terrifies me at the sametime. I suffocate my own joy by holding on too tightly. Its as ironic as my four-year-oldlying on top of his favorite toys.

Does anxiety keep you from enjoying this beautiful gift of motherhood? Perhaps youhave prayed, waited, and prepared to be a mom, and now youre paralyzed by the thoughtthat something bad could happen. Or maybe motherhood caught you by surprise, andyou dont feel equipped for this unexpected blessing.

We know our sin and our weakness better than anyone else. And yet God chose to entrustus with the precious gift of children. As we bask in the glorious mercy of this thought,a nagging fear creeps in: Can I handle this? What if I mess it up?

Before you became a mom, perhaps the consequences of your actions didnt seem sobig. They usually only affected you. But now everything you do affects your kids. Everything whether its good or bad. How do you know if youre doing the right thingat any given moment? How can you protect your kids from your own weakness, incompetence,and flat-out sin?

Recently I got a sweet message from another mom. She loves her children dearly andis constantly haunted by the idea that she will mess things up for them. I knowthat God can forgive me, she wrote. But I also know that sin has consequences. Im afraid of what consequences my children will have to live with because Im asinful person.

I can relate. I know how it feels to see the hurt in my sons eyes when I speak harshly.I know what its like to ruin everyones fun on a family outing because I let myown stress take over. There are nights when I fall into bed with an aching heart,wishing my kids had a perfect mommy.

But they dont. And, as much as we strive to put our sin to death, there is nothingwe can do to change the facts: we are sinners, and we will remain sinners untilthe day we are with Jesus. We will fail our children. They will live with the consequencesof our sin. And you know what? They will be sinful parents, too. Their kids willsuffer the consequences of their actions.

Does that sound depressing? Maybe. But, in a way, it is also freeing. Whenever Iwent shopping with my mom as a kid, we would listen to Elisabeth Elliot cassettetapes in the car. One of Elisabeths favorite quotes was In acceptance lies peace.Peace doesnt necessarily come when our circumstances change; it comes when we acceptour circumstances the way they are. Does that mean we accept our sin? Yeswe acceptthe fact that we are sinners and remember that Jesus came only to save sinners (seeMark 2:17). There is peace when we stop fighting against the fact that we are sinnersand say instead, I am the one Jesus died for. Yes, I am a sinner; but I am forgiven.