Sara Chana Silverstein - Moodtopia: Tame Your Moods, De-Stress, and Find Balance Using Herbal Remedies, Aromatherapy, and More

Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.

R ALPH W ALDO E MERSON

M Y OLDEST DAUGHTER WAS SUBSTITUTE TEACHING AT A PRESCHOOL WHEN I received a call from her just as I was getting ready to work out at the gym.

Mom, its so weird, she said, sounding a little worried. My right arm is tingly and numb, and I just dont feel right.

Do you want me to pick you up, or can you take the subway home? I asked.

Why dont you come get me? she replied. An independent millennial, this was so unlike her. I quickly changed back into my street clothes and was reaching for my car keys when she called again.

Now my left arm is numb, she reported.

Call an ambulance, I advised, breathless now from anxiety. Im on my way.

As I arrived, the EMT informed my daughter that she hadnt had a heart attack or a stroke. This news was not greeted with joy. A stroke? she said incredulously to the EMT. Of course, I didnt have a stroke. Im twenty-seven years old! We called our family doctor in Brooklyn, and he told us to come straight to him. Together, wed decide how to proceed.

My daughter slowly walked to the car, and I drove to our doctor. The numbness continued unabated, and within two hours, she had lost all sensation in her body from the shoulders down. She had become a quadriplegic. After three weeks in the hospital, the prognosis was that she would be bedridden for the rest of her life. Her doctors gave up on her and were preparing to send her to a nursing home where she would spend the rest of her life. Oh. My. G-d.

The doctors diagnosed that she had transverse myelitis, a neurological disorder caused by inflammation of the whole spinal cord that severely and (usually) irreversibly damages the nerve fibers. An acute form of this disorder can come on within sixty minutes, and sadly, this was my daughters diagnosis and prognosis. How could this have happened? After many false starts and turns down blind alleys, the best we could figure was that, because a few months earlier shed been hit by a tow truck, the accident might have caused an undetected blood clot in her spine.

I am the mother of seven children. Over the years, Id learned to balance my parenting duties with my full-time career as a master herbalist, classical homeopath, and lactation consultant. But now, I had to set aside my former life and spend nearly four months living at the hospital 24/7 with my stricken daughter, after which we were transferred to a rehab facility for three more months.

Id made a vow that I would stay positive with my daughter, but I was finding it impossible those first few weeks. This was the most challenging time of my life. Some days, when I would leave the hospital to buy us food, I wouldnt even look both ways when crossing the street, in the secret hope that Id be hit by a car and be put out of my misery. Other times, I just wished I could open the window on the twelfth floor of her hospital room and throw myself out. To see my daughter unable to even scratch herself if she was itchy or wipe her eyes when she cried was too much for me to bear.

Before this tragedy, Id been organizing my thoughts for this book. Id spent many years helping women understand their emotions. Id taught them how to empower themselves rather than drown in their feelings, and here I was, facing what surely must be the most difficult test a human could endure, and I felt I was failing. I was a hypocrite. I would duck out of the hospital room and bawl in the stairwell so loudly that the sound reverberated off the walls. With no hope to be found, I was a disaster I hadnt slept in two weeks, couldnt eat, and could barely speak. I would collapse on the bathroom floor down the hall, unable to breathe, my body convulsing in sobs.

But then, one day, Nurse Rita showed up. No she didnt come to our rescueor maybe she did, but in a backhanded way. You see, Rita was nasty; Rita was negative; Rita was sour. I wasnt even aware of how kind and wonderful the other nurses were until I encountered one who was mean. But she did do something right: she lit a fire under me. I decided that even if I didnt make it through this test, I would muster the courage to help my child. I would help her find her strength so that she would stay positive and in control of her emotions rather than getting lost in the moods that this horrible injury had created. I made a decision to not let my feelings dominate my actions. I would rise above them. I would create an environment of healing for my daughter.