Tanya Markul - The She Book

The She Book copyright 2019 by Tanya Markul. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. Andrews McMeel Publishing a division of Andrews McMeel Universal 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106 www.andrewsmcmeel.com ISBN: 978-1-5248-5494-2 Library of Congress Control Number: 2018966057 Editor: Katie Gould Art Director: Diane Marsh Production Editor: Amy Strassner Production Manager: Carol Coe Illustration by Tim Bj rn Digital Production: Kristen Minter ATTENTION: SCHOOLS AND BUSINESSES Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail the Andrews McMeel Publishing Special Sales Department: . You are already enthroned.
There is no putting down that crown.
Not a queen to a lover or community,
but a holier mystery, an angelic decree,
that will ever bend the knee,
to the fierce yet tender wand of the awakening woman.

Tanya Markul

To the woman who told me,
The dream, the darkness, and the moonlight
are also guides along your path. For all the amazing women Ive met
and the ones I havent just yet... I believe in your magic.
I bow to your risk. This book is dedicated
to my beloved Christian and our sons,
the angelic Albert Leo and the kingly Arthur Holger.
I love you so very much. about the book Once a silent star in the sky, lost, alone, and unnoticed, she began to dream her life awake. Sensitivity brought light to her dark side and vulnerability found words for what her heart felt but could not say.

Pain helped her remember the power within her storm, the wisdom in her breakdowns, and the healing visions hidden within her moonlit nightmares. On her journey to shine from within her deepest ache, she blossomed from what felt like an insignificant twinkle to a blazing, awakening woman. why 114 Because angels are close and everythings going to be all right, and the Universe is saying this is a blessed time of your life. Because the woman you are now marks a new beginning, and the woman you are becoming is calling you home and toward wholeness. This is a place of remembering who you are and that you are made of wildness and filled with stars. introduction This is your time to return the call of grace. introduction This is your time to return the call of grace.

To not give up hope. To not look away. Because a hole exists in the worlds broken heart. And it fits your exact shape. It doesnt take everyone. But those like you.

Who hear the call and feel the ache. The souls who refuse cover in the wake of injustice. Of instability. Of silence. Who take shape like the towering cumulus of a fierce storm. They are seed planters of earthbound mercy and warriors of a thunderous gold-covered love.

They may not save it all, but quite a lot. They are angels born into shadow service. A knowing since their first breath. They speak the language of stars. Live in accordance with water and are guided by the wisdom of trees. They are rebels of compassion and freedom.

They are torchbearers for peace. Their footprints lead to the other side of shadow. Sister, look through the flames and around the circle. You were never alone in this feat. This is the courageous fire before the threshold of change. Woman, this is your time.

And there is much to be danced. There is much to be undone. opening ceremony To the North within you,
may you express the wisdom of your true self. To the West within you,
may you be reborn with every season. To the South within you,
may you hear the counsel of your heart. To the East within you,
may you be blessed with inner illumination.

To all Above that is within you,
may you be guided by angels and divinity. To all Below that is within you,
may you discover the blessing of your shadow. To the Spirit within you,
may you find your way home. one You see,
what they thought
was a phoenix
rising from its ashes,
was really
a woman. two For you, the torchbearer of pain,
you will be taught a different path
so that you can offer
the world
a new way. three Some days she wakes up
and her heart weighs 200 pounds
and her soul feels 10,000 years old.

And then she realizes
shes a journey made of stardust,
not just a human. four To learn
the language of love
is to unlearn
feeling homeless,
half-alive,
and less than whole. five Shes in between worlds right now. A part of her is leaving. But its not like before. Shes holding space this time.

Not sweating it, but breathing beyond her skin. Shes good. Shes even shape-shifting. The raven. The owl. Shes unafraid of the birds-eye view, and unlike all those other times, she isnt scared of the unknown.

Shes present and neither timid nor bold. It feels beautiful, like the song of a blackbird, and frightening, like the rumble of an avalanche. six If you lose yourself, its not real. If you abandon yourself, its not worth it. Not for love. Not for attention.

Not for company. Not for redemption. Not for passing time. Not for anything. Not for anyone. eight Rejection
taught her to let go of what didnt want her. eight Rejection
taught her to let go of what didnt want her.

Abandonment
showed her how to stand on her own two feet. Betrayal
awoke her intuition. Pain
broke her heart wide open. Loneliness
gave her permission to befriend herself. nine When the shadows lay darkest,
remember you are made of stars. When the shadows lay darkest,
whisper, Challenge accepted.

When the shadows lay darkest,
wake up and feel. ten I wish I could remain calm and grounded. I wish I could change the pattern of incessantly reliving moments of being pushed down, hushed, and ignored. I wish I could set aside the fire-licking arrows I release when patience fails me. At times like these, I long for the taste of rain-soaked clouds. twelve When you feel defeated and deprived. twelve When you feel defeated and deprived.

When you forget who you are. When you have to break open. Tell yourself what you need. And how you want to be supported. Stop trying. Breathe. Breathe.

Then shed all that youll never be. And hold on to all that you are. Let it feel like the tension of an overcast sky. Wait for the first drop of release. Then gather the truest parts back into your body. thirteen When she feels possibility within that which has felt impossible for so long. thirteen When she feels possibility within that which has felt impossible for so long.

When the song of her soul can be heard from the other side of pain. When she can name every brick on the wall shes built around her heart. When she realizes that shes self-sabotaging. When she can no longer shake off her dreams in the daylight. When she knows the decision to feel is necessary. When the promise of healing means believing in herself.

When the scariness becomes purpose. When she understands that her darkness is a chance for her to choose who she wants to be and what she offers to the world. fourteen There are days when she forgets who she is. Minutes pass slowly while years race by. Who is that person in the mirror? Who inhabits this bag of bones? Shes still the girl who loves living,
who notices everything new. And theres nothing she wants more