Joined by the Church, Sealed by a Blessing is a must-have resource for parishes who desire to revitalize sacramental ministry with couples who are preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage. Aware of todays cultural challenges and inspired by the baptismal catechumenate, the authors present a new approach to marriage ministry focused on conversion and lifelong discipleship. The book outlines a formation process that engages the couple in a deeper life of faith and calls the entire community of faith to accompany them on the journey. Like the RCIA, this new approach to marriage sacramental ministry has the possibility of transforming the entire parish community through marriage preparation, celebration, and ongoing pastoral ministry with couples. If you are hoping to inspire young couples and your parish community to a deeper, living faith, you will find great inspiration in this book!
Karen Kane
Director of Worship
Archdiocese of Cincinnati
A wedding that celebrates the conversion process of a man and woman like the Easter vigil does for the catechumenate? Could that be? In Joined by the Church, Sealed by a Blessing, Macalintal and Wagner propose a fresh vision for marriage preparation that parallels the RCIA process: a call to discipleship formed within a parish community that nurtures neophyte families. Pastors and parish leadersif your marriage prep isnt working to create committed Christian couples, this book offers practical pathways to rethink, restructure, and breathe new life into your process.
Karla J. Bellinger, DMin, author of Connecting Pulpit
and Pew, director of the Center for Preaching,
Evangelization, and Prayer
Nihil Obstat: Reverend Robert Harren, Censor deputatus.
Imprimatur: Most Reverend Donald J. Kettler, J.C.L., Bishop of Saint Cloud, Minnesota. May 22, 2014.
Cover design by Stefan Killen Design. Photograph by Debbie Winarski, 2012. Blessing of the bride and groom, Kate and Scott Williams, on October 20, 2012, by the community of Saint Nicholas Church in Evanston, Illinois.
Excerpts from documents of the Second Vatican Council are from Vatican Council II: The Basic Sixteen Documents, by Austin Flannery, OP 1996 (Costello Publishing Company, Inc.). Used with permission.
Excerpts from the English translation of Order of Celebrating Marriage (Second Typical Edition) 1996 (provisional text), International Commission on English in the Liturgy Corporation (ICEL). Excerpts from the English translation of Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults 1985, ICEL. All rights reserved.
Scripture texts, prefaces, introductions, footnotes and cross references used in this work are taken from the New American Bible, revised edition 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, DC and are used by permission of the copyright owner. All Rights Reserved. No part of the New American Bible may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Coffee Hour Caution on page 28 Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministries, Unitarian Universalist Association, uua.org/youngadults. Reprinted with permission.
2014 by Order of Saint Benedict, Collegeville, Minnesota. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, by print, microfilm, microfiche, mechanical recording, photocopying, translation, or by any other means, known or yet unknown, for any purpose except brief quotations in reviews, without the previous written permission of Liturgical Press, Saint Johns Abbey, PO Box 7500, Collegeville, Minnesota 56321-7500. Printed in the United States of America.
The Library of Congress has cataloged the printed edition as follows:
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Macalintal, Diana.
Joined by the church, sealed by a blessing : couples and communities called to conversion together / Diana Macalintal and Nick Wagner.
pages cm
ISBN 978-0-8146-3765-4 ISBN 978-0-8146-3790-6 (ebook)
1. MarriageReligious aspectsCatholic Church. 2. Church membership.M
3. Spiritual formationCatholic Church. 4. ConversionCatholic Church.
5. Church group workCatholic Church. I. Title.
BX2250.M128 2014
261.8'3581dc23
2014007737
How can I ever express the happiness of the marriage that is
joined together by the Church,
strengthened by an offering,
sealed by a blessing,
announced by angels,
and ratified by the Father?
Tertullian (160220 AD), in a letter to his wife
Contents
1
Stop Preparing for Marriage; Start Preparing for Discipleship
T here are a lot of reasons to get discouraged when you think about helping couples prepare for marriage in the Catholic Church. Beyond the weird stories about unusual liturgical requests, the frustrating stories about demanding couples, and the sad stories about broken families, there is a bigger story. This story is about not only our changing social values but also the inadequate state of our parishes to meet those changing needs. You know these stories. Theyre happening right in your own parish.
Joe and Karen Become a Statistic
Joe and Karen are your typical middle-pew parishioners. They come to Mass more regularly than most young adults, but thats the extent of their participation in the parish. They were married at this same parish last June, and theyre now expecting their first child. The parish staff had led them through the basic marriage preparation process and had even added a couple of special blessings for them at Mass during their engagement. The liturgical staff had made sure their wedding was not only beautiful but also followed good liturgical principles, and the couples families and friends were impressed. On top of all that, the pastor had sent them a note one month after the wedding with continued prayers for a happy marriage. This parish puts a priority on building strong Catholic families, and so they invest a lot of time, money, creativity, and resources into preparing the engaged couples who come to them. Everyone seems happy... until Joe loses his job, and Karens father moves in with them after his stroke. Over the next couple of years, the strain on their relationship and the long nights fighting cause them to come to Mass less and less often. One Sunday, Karen shows up by herself, sitting in the back pew with her toddler.
Joe and Karen have become one of the 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the United States that end in divorce. Even for people like them, who marry in the church and are relatively active in their faith, they still only have a slightly better chance at not getting divorced than their nonreligious, civilly married friends.
More Time with the Grandkids but Less Money for the Budget
Josefina prides herself at the care she takes in helping wedding couples on their big day. Shes been coordinating weddings at her parish for almost ten years, and couples say shes the best. She doesnt mind spending all of her Friday evenings and Saturday mornings at the church, running rehearsals and being there for the weddings. However, lately, she finds that she has a lot more free time, since there arent as many weddings being scheduled on the parish calendar. Shes not upset because it gives her more time to spend with her grandkids. However, it does worry the pastor, who sees a lot more people in long-term committed relationships choosing not to get married. How can he help them understand the value and dignity of Christian marriage in todays society? And the parish bookkeeper is also anxious because of this drop in the number of weddings. Thats because fewer weddings also means less money coming in to pay not only for Josefinas part-time salary but also for basic maintenance of the parish facilities.