Karyn D. Kedar - The Bridge to Forgiveness: Stories and Prayers for Finding God and Restoring Wholeness

ALSO BY KARYN D. KEDAR

God Whispers
Stories of the Soul, Lessons of the Heart

Our Dance with God
Finding Prayer, Perspective and Meaning in the
Stories of Our Lives
(In hardcover as The Dance of the Dolphin)

The Bridge to Forgiveness:
Stories and Prayers for Finding God and Restoring Wholeness

2007 First Printing
2007 by Karyn D. Kedar

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

For information regarding permission to reprint material from this book, please mail or fax your request in writing to Jewish Lights Publishing, Permissions Department, at the address / fax number listed below, or e-mail your request to .

Grateful acknowledgment is given for permission to reprint Esa EnaiI Lift My Eyes found in Nishmat Tzedakah: A Righteous Soul, Cantor Chayim Frenkel, Executive Producer. Kehillat Israel: Pacific Palisades, CA. 2003:16.

The poem Learning to Yield on pp. 111112 originally appears in The Womens Seder Sourcebook: Rituals & Readings for Use at the Passover Seder, ed. by Rabbi Sharon Cohen Anisfeld, Tara Mohr, and Catherine Spector, Jewish Lights Publishing, Woodstock, Vermont, 2003, ISBN-13: 978-1-58023-232-6, ISBN-10: 1-58023-232-9.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kedar, Karyn D., 1957
The bridge to forgiveness: stories and prayers for finding God and restoring wholeness / Karyn D. Kedar.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-1-58023-324-8
ISBN-10: 1-58023-324-4
1. ForgivenessReligious aspectsJudaism. 2. Spiritual lifeJudaism. 3. Jewish ethics. I. Title.
BJ1286.F67K43 2007
296.72dc22

2006036353

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Manufactured in the United States of America
Printed on recycled paper

Jacket Design: Jenny Buono

For People of All Faiths, All Backgrounds
Published by Jewish Lights Publishing
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Sunset Farm Offices, Route 4, P.O. Box 237
Woodstock, VT 05091
Tel: (802) 457-4000 Fax: (802) 457-4004
www.jewishlights.com

To my little brother
Neil Dion Schwartz
19582002
And to Skyla and Jacob, his grandchildren

Soon after her grandfather died, a little girl said to her grandmother, Look Bubbe, see that star in the sky? Thats Papa smiling at me.

Once, the night sky was opaque with clouds.

Wheres Papa? the little girl asked.

Papa is playing a game with us, her grandmother said.

Tonight he is hiding, tomorrow he will be found.

Its like that sometimes.

Stuart M. Matlins, publisher. Visionary.

Emily Wichland, vice president of editorial and production. Deliberate, talented.

Jessica Swift, assistant editor. Strong and gentle.

My editor, Arthur Magida. Your editing skills astound.

Congregation Bnai Jehoshua Beth Elohim. My spiritual home. And to the members who kept saying, Write. Are you writing? And to the leadership: a sacred partnership. You are compassionate, intelligent, and visionary. Your children and grandchildren will sing your praises. And to Mike and Patti Frazin for a sanctuary in the snow.

My colleagues, who support, create, and conspire to bring sacredness into this world. And to the office staff, who maintain a steady foundation from which to work. And Lori Klark and Sonny Helmer who copy proofed an early manuscript.

Sustainers: Lisa Fisher, David Gottlieb, Kelly Goldberg. Carol Dovi Odwyer. Chuck Rosenberg. Rachel Rosenberg. Arna Yastrow. Steve Yastrow: enduring friendship. Creative synergy. Partners. The competitive edge. Discerning eye, gentle hand. Love.

Ezra. You are my base camp, as I climb the mysterious mountain of the spirit.

Norman and Lynore Schwartz. The beginning of my life and the love that makes it work.

My children, Talia and Moti, Shiri, Ilan. Divine sparks of grace and blessing.

I was reading to Ilan, my fifteen-year-old son, the section of the book about him.

Is this still about me? he asked.

Well, it started out about you and then went to forgiveness.

Oh, he said. I sort of dozed off at the end Its an adult book, though, right?

Its like that sometimes.

IVE WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT FORGIVENESS for years now. I even pitched it to my publisher a long time ago. Write it, he said. I have someone I need to forgive. Dont we all, I thought. But it has remained an idea, an item on a very long list. I had sketchy outlines, and vague charts, and a bit of research, and even a diagram of a bridge, a sort of map leading us down the right path where we could confront others and confront ourselves. But it didnt come alive. It had no flesh; it had no soul. Yet occasionally I would hear a voice: Just how do I forgive?

Then one morning, this book took its first breath. It was kind of like an exhalation. Or maybe it was a sigh. Or perhaps it was more like a whisper, a near thought. All morning, I brushed it out of the way. It was elusive, like a feather floating by, rising and dipping as I tried to reach for it. Then it became persistent and annoying, like a lone strand of hair on the back of my tongue, like one of those thoughts that nag until you can no longer ignore it.

Write. About forgiveness. Write. A subtle echo of new life. Write.

Then the phone rang and it was my daughter Talia, calling me on her nineteenth birthday.

Talia, youre nineteen years old. Do you know what that means?

No, Mom. What does it mean?

It means you are almost twenty! Do you know what that means?

No, Mom. What?

It means that soon you get to begin healing.

What!?

Listen, dear. The first twenty years, you grow up. The second twenty years, you heal from growing up. Now listen carefully

Yes ?

By the time youre forty, get over it. We are human, and many mistakes were made in your growing up. Take the next twenty years to heal, and then move on. By then, you are what you are and you arent what you are not.

Mommm!!

OK, dear. Happy birthday!

Thanks, Mom.

This book is what occurs to me at the end of my second twenty years

Forgiveness is a path to be walked.
There are steps along the way:
loss, anger, acceptance, learning,
forgiveness, restoration.

And along the way, you will come upon a bridge.
When you step upon it, it will carry you,