Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt - The Gift of Forgiveness: Inspiring Stories from Those Who Have Overcome the Unforgivable
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When we learn to embrace forgiveness, it opens us up to healing, hope, and a new world of possibility. --Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt
Written with grace and understanding and based on more than twenty in-depth interviews and stories as well as personal reflections from Schwarzenegger Pratt herself, The Gift of Forgiveness is about one of the most difficult challenges in life--learning to forgive. Here, Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt shows us what we can learn from those who have struggled with forgiveness, some still struggling, and others who have been able to forgive what might seem truly unforgivable. The book features experiences from those well-known and unknown, including Elizabeth Smart, who learned to forgive her captors; Sue Klebold, whose son, Dylan, was one of the Columbine shooters, learning empathy and how to forgive herself; Chris Williams, who forgave the drunken teenager who killed his wife and child; and of course Schwarzenegger Pratts own challenges and path to forgiveness in her own life. All provide different journeys to forgiveness and the process--sometimes slow and thorny, sometimes almost instantaneous--by which they learned to forgive and let go.
The Gift of Forgiveness is a perfect blend of personal insights, powerful quotations, and hard-won wisdom for those seeking a way to live with greater acceptance, grace, and peace.
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Rock What Youve Got: Secrets to Loving Your Inner and Outer Beauty from Someone Whos Been There and Back
I Just Graduated... Now What?: Honest Answers from Those Who Have Been There
Maverick and Me
VIKING
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
penguinrandomhouse.com
Copyright 2020 by Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint the following:
and Quercus Editions Limited, London.
: From Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential by Joel Osteen, copyright 2004, 2007. Reprinted by permission of Faith Words, an imprint of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
: Reprinted by arrangement with The Heirs to the Estate of Martin Luther King Jr., c/o Writers House as agent for the proprietor New York, NY.
: Copyright 2019 by Dr. Henry Cloud.
Pamela Dorman Books Life/Viking
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Names: Schwarzenegger Pratt, Katherine, author.
Title: The gift of forgiveness : inspiring stories from those who have overcome the unforgivable / Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt.
Description: New York : Pamela Dorman Life/Viking, 2020.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019042526 (print) | LCCN 2019042527 (ebook) | ISBN 9781984878250 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781984878267 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Forgiveness.
Classification: LCC BF637.F67 S393 2020 (print) | LCC BF637.F67 (ebook) | DDC 155.9/2dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019042526
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019042527
Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
Cover design by Nayon Cho
Cover photograph by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
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This book is dedicated to my family and to all those who have practiced, or are brave enough to start practicing, forgiveness. It is dedicated to all those who have granted it, and received it as well. It is my hope that all of us come to realize that we are all struggling in some way, and that each of us can be a force of compassion, empathy, understanding, and love in another persons life.
About Forgiveness
The pain was necessary to know the truth but we dont have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive.
This is what has kept me from forgiveness: the feeling that all Ive been through will evaporate if I dont relive it; that if those who have hurt me dont see what theyve done, my suffering will have been for nothing. In this, the stone I throw in the lake knows more than I. Its ripples vanish.
What it really comes down to is the clearness of heart to stop defining who I am by those who have hurt me and to take up the risk to love myself, to validate my own existence, pain and all, from the center out.
As anyone who has been wronged can attest, in order to keep the fire for justice burning, we need to keep burning our wounds open as perpetual evidence. Living like this, it is impossible to heal. Living like this, we become our own version of Prometheus, having our innards eaten daily by some large bird of woundedness.
Forgiveness has deeper rewards than excusing someone for how they have hurt us. The deeper healing comes in the exchange of our resentments for inner freedom. At last, the wound, even if never acknowledged by the other person, can heal, and our life can continue.
Mark Nepo
I remember the exact moment when I knew I wanted to delve deep into forgiveness. I was standing in the parking lot of a local restaurant I love when, out of the blue, up walked the girl Id once called my best friend.
We werent just best friendswe were like sisters, inseparable since birth. Wed shared everything, from our birthdays to our clothes, our friends, our families, our secrets, and our dreams. We felt like we were one and the same; in fact, most people said our names together, viewing us as the pair that never split.
Then, more than twenty years into our friendship, we had a falling-outone that shattered me down to my core. Her absence left a profound hole in my life. For the very first time, I was living without my best friend by my side, and I didnt know who I was without her. The end of our friendship affected all areas of my life. It was awful and it broke me.
After I was able to gain some distance and take time to process this change, I told myself I was okay and that I had forgiven the person I once thought of as blood. Shortly after declaring that I had moved on, though, I ran into my old friend and knew immediately that I was nowhere near over the end of our friendship. In fact, I wasnt even close to being over it. Standing in her presence, I felt anxious, scared, hurt, angry, and tremendously emotional, and I knew at that moment that I never wanted to feel like that again, especially around her.
It was then and there that I made a promise to myself: I would reengage in the work of forgiveness. This time I would go deeper. I decided to go to therapy weekly, and sometimes I even went twice a week. I sought help from my priest, my pastor, and I spoke to people of all faiths and no faiths. I talked to those of all ages, all backgrounds; I spoke to friends, and even to people I didnt know that well. I found that there were many who had similar experiences with unhealed ruptures. I went in search of stories of those who had forgiven so I could be inspired to forgive and move forward in my own life.
Some might think that having a fight with your best friend sounds trivial, but for meand many others with whom Ive spokenit is not. Ive come to learn that ruptures in relationships come in all shapes and sizes. And no one can tell you how to process a hurt like yours, what it will mean to you, or how it will affect your world.
I knew that, when it came to forgiveness, I had my work cut out for meand if I didnt get this right, I would have that pit in my stomach for the rest of my life. I knew it would end up traumatizing me. The moment my old friend reappeared, I realized that forgiveness was a far deeper and more complicated subject than I had thought, and it was something I wanted to get better at practicing.
I am so grateful I decided to start the work of understanding forgiveness then, because its truly the work of a lifetime. Its hard to get through life if you dont know how to forgive others, those you once loved and still love, and oftentimes, most challenging, how to forgive yourself. Forgiveness isnt about simply saying, I forgive youits about doing the work of
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