Deborah Smith Pegues - Forgive, Let Go, and Live

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Verses marked ESV are from The ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Verses marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

All the incidents described in this book are true. The author has changed peoples names to protect their privacy except for the facts already published in a contributors own works or in news accounts.

Cover by Franke Design and Illustration, Excelsior, Minnesota

Cover illustration cundra / iStock

FORGIVE, LET GO, AND LIVE

Copyright 2015 by Deborah Smith Pegues

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pegues, Deborah Smith, 1950-

Forgive, let go, and live / Deborah Smith Pegues.

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-7369-6222-3 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-6223-0 (eBook)

1. ForgivenessReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Forgiveness. I. Title.

BV4647.F55P44 2015

234'.5dc23

2014048810

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This book is dedicated to my late spiritual mentor, Dr. Juanita Smith, who taught and modeled true forgiveness.

People often say TEAM is an acronym for Together Everyone Accomplishes More; they are right. I could not have completed this project without the team of prayer intercessors and the anonymous and named people who told their stories. Special thanks to:

Pastor Edward and Vanessa Smith of the Zoe Christian Fellowship (ZCF) of Whittier, California, for their leadership and motivation to walk by faith in every endeavor.

My prayer team included: Jeanette Stone and my ZCF Life Group; Sandy Grubb, fellow member of the World Vision USA board of directors who reminded the board daily to pray for the completion of the manuscript; Suellen Roberts and members of the Christian Women in Media Association presidents club, Raynae Hernandez, Sylvia Gardner, Yvonne Gibson Johnson, Billie Rodgers, Diane Gardner, Judge Mablean Ephraim, Marva Sykes, Verna Pierce, Cathy and Ralph Lawson, Diane Kelly, Darrell and Maisha Henry, and my social media community who constantly offered daily prayers and words of encouragement.

My long-time friends, Alvin and Pamela Kelley, and Kelvin and Delisa Kelley kept me balanced through the entire writing process by generously sharing their vacation facilities, planning short getaways, and being my ever-willing informal survey group when I needed immediate feedback on my ideas, assumptions, and conclusions. My input team, informal editors, and reviewers deserve special recognition: Sheronne Burke, LaVerne Allen, Sylvia Malzman, Ennis Smith, Karen Mace, Jennifer Hamner, T. Faye Griffin, Tammy V., Jeanetta Douglas, Alexus Davis, Marva Morrison, and Maisha Henry.

Of course, without the personal stories and contributions, there would be no book. Im thankful for the brave and obedient men and women who have experienced freedom in forgiving and cared enough to share their victories with the world.

I offer high praise to my Harvest House publishing team. Bob Hawkins (president), Terry Glaspey (acquisitions director), Rod Morris (editor extraordinaire), and the entire staff give new meaning to the power of teamworkall for the glory of God.

Finally, Im eternally grateful to God for my husband, Darnell Pegues. From encouragement to technical support to research to manuscript proofing, hes a precious asset that I treasure deeply. Thank you, Sweetheart, for loving God and for loving me.

Contents

Even as a little girl, when kids would cross me in any way, I never let them back into my good graces.

My moms words echoed in my spirit and found rest there for many years of my life. Similarly, my father never forgot a single offense that anybody committed against him. He and my mom argued frequently about things that happened or had been said in the far distant past. They served faithfully and sacrificially inside and outside the walls of the church. Nevertheless, a spirit of unforgiveness plagued them.

Just days before my dad passed away at age 78, I had the privilege of reconciling him and his best friend after a three-year rift. They were fellow members of their church trustee board and had disagreed over a financial transaction. Prior to their split, they had enjoyed rich fellowship and great family fun over their 50-year history. Notwithstanding, Dad believed the church had treated him unfairly (I didnt agree with him based on the facts he presented) and he was not going to let it goespecially in light of his extreme generosity and long-term service. Through much prayer and long conversations in which I reminded him of the consequences of unforgiveness, he finally relentedor, I should say, repented .

My mom, who passed away four years later at 82, frequently recounted the many instances of my dads physical and verbal abuse. After 21 years of marriage, shed finally mustered the courage to literally escape to another state with five dependent boys in tow (my older brother and I had already left the nest). They remained separated for 40 years but never divorced. Im convinced it was bitterness that ushered her into her 10-year battle with dementia prior to her death. All of her imaginary conversations had an angry tone and centered on her painful issues with my dad.

My parents legacy of holding on to offenses influenced how we, their seven children, dealt with people who offended or crossed us. With such a heritage, I knew unforgiveness was poised to become a stronghold in my life. The pattern had already started to evolve. If people offended me, I never viewed them the same. Depending on the nature of the relationship, I would either keep my emotional distance or make a mental note never to trust, favor, or include them again in my dealings. My most common tactic was to hide behind being too busy to interact with them againever. They finally got the message: Once you offend Deborah, you are out. No three strikes policy here!

Shortly after I married my wonderful husband, I sternly warned him, Please try not to do anything where Ill have to forgive you because unforgiveness runs in my family. We do absolutely no forgiving! This statement seems hilarious to me today, but I was dead serious at the time I said it.