William Fergus Martin - Forgiveness Is Power: A Users Guide to Why and How to Forgive

William Martin has created an enlightening Users Guide for forgiveness. Thoroughly researched. Hugely insightful. Very practical. I recommend it wholeheartedly.

ROBERT HOLDEN , author of Shift Happens! and Loveability www.robertholden.org

A deep gold mine full of rich and relevant information.

WILLIAM BLOOM , author of The Endorphin Effect and
The Power of Modern Spirituality
www.williambloom.com

William Martin has written a powerful guide book on learning how to forgive, not just our brothers and sisters, but also ourselves.

JON MUNDY, PH.D. author of Living A Course in Miracles
www.miraclesmagazine.org

William Fergus Martin 2013

The right of William Fergus Martin to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998.

Published in 2013 by Findhorn Press, Scotland

ISBN 978-1-84409-628-2

All rights reserved.

The contents of this book may not be reproduced in any form, except for short extracts for quotation or review, without the written permission of the publisher.

A CIP record for this title is available from the British Library.

Edited by Michael Hawkins
Cover design by Richard Crookes
Interior design by Damian Keenan
Printed and bound in the EU

Published by
Findhorn Press
117-121 High Street,
Forres IV36 1AB,
Scotland, UK

t +44 (0)1309 690582
f+44 (0)131 777 2711
e
www.findhornpress.com

To Tomoko, my lovely wife,
who expresses forgiveness
so consistently and so beautifully

E very book has at least three writers; the author, the editor and the hidden Muse who provides inspiration. My heartfelt thanks go to Michael Hawkins, as editor, for his wonderful efforts into helping craft this book into something that will help many people.

My thanks also to the tireless team at Findhorn Press, particularly Sabine Weeke and Carol Shaw, for seeing the need and the value of this work.

My final thanks go to the Muse who dropped so many good ideas into my head (about how forgiveness can be practical, usable and accessible) that I just had to release my resistance and write a book to get them out. Special mentions go to William Bloom, Dorothy Lippincott and Lynn Barton for their very helpful comments early on and to Caroline Myss whose workshop on the Seven Graces helped inspire the Entitlement section.

William Fergus Martin

A re you as forgiving as you would like to be? If not, then this book is for you as it makes forgiveness practical, usable and accessible.

We all want the freedom, peace of mind and happiness, which forgiveness brings. It is one thing to want to forgive; it is another to really be able to do it. This book shows you how by giving you four simple steps you can use to practice forgiveness. You also get many additional ideas and exercises to broaden your understanding and improve your forgiveness skills.

This is a practical book on Forgiveness: its a User Guide on how to forgive. Virtually every chapter has exercises which you can use to experience the points made within that chapter. This helps you learn how to forgive and free yourself from the past, so that you can create your life anew.

This book makes no attempt to preach or try to convince you that you should forgive. Instead it lets you see and experience the benefits of forgiving. As you experience the lightness, well-being and sense of empowerment forgiveness brings you will naturally want more.

You dont need to be of any particular religion or philosophical persuasion to benefit from Forgiveness is Power. Whatever your current religious beliefs you will discover that becoming more skilled at forgiving will allow you to live more truly aligned with those beliefs.

The topics of some chapters may surprise you. Many of the chapters are intended to help create the type of attitudes, the kind of inner climate, where forgiveness can flourish. Therefore much of the material is about becoming reconciled with ourselves, and comfortable in our own skin, so that we are more able to feel forgiving.

It may seem unusual to think of Forgiveness as Power and to see it is a tool for self-empowerment. However, as you explore these pages, and particularly as you use the Four Steps to Forgiveness, you will find that there is no other way to adequately describe something that can so radically and dramatically change our lives for the better.

I n this chapter we look at the benefits we get from being more forgiving. This will help us to be motivated to forgive more readily as we will see the practical and useful things we can get out of it. We are then less likely to get distracted from developing forgiveness if life gets busy, or the situation is challenging.

One good reason to forgive is that it means that you win. No matter what happened, forgive and you have won. You win, because you stop playing the loser. You will certainly feel much more like a winner when you forgive than if you dont. Once you have experienced the feeling of winning, which comes from forgiving, you will want to forgive anyone and everyone.

This is not the kind of winning which requires that someone else lose. What others do is up to them. Forgiveness offers you the chance to experience winning in every situation. It is not likely that you will feel bad about something when you come out of it feeling like a winner.

When you hold on to grudges and resentments then there is usually a feeling of being a victim as part of the package. Letting go of those grudges and resentments means letting go of the victim feeling also. If you do not feel like a victim then you do not behave like a victim, and you will not be a victim.

When you forgive you unhook yourself from the situation and from the others involved. If you really forgive you free yourself from all negative effects of whatever happened. You let go of any associated pain, shame, anger or guilt. If you feel stuck in a relationship, and you forgive the other person, you will find that you now feel much freer to either make it work, or to walk away. You are no longer bound to them and may wonder why on earth you got so caught up with them in the first place.

Forgiveness lets you off the hook as it releases you from any sense of guilt or blame. It frees you from blaming yourself, and from the feeling that you should or could have done something differently.

Forgiveness does not let the other person off the hook. If they harmed you they are still responsible for having caused that pain or harm and will need to find their own way to resolving that. They may be facing the consequences already through ill health, misfortune, guilt, shame and remorse. Most people are good at punishing themselves even when they do not show it. You do not have to take on the job of teaching people their lessons. It is up to the process of evolution to do that, and you are unlikely to have the skills or wisdom to be up to that task (especially with someone you are angry at).