Robin L. Smith - Hungry

ALSO BY DR. ROBIN L. SMITH

Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages

Inspirational Vitamins: A Guide to Personal Empowerment

Copyright 2013 by Fearless Won, LLC

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Cover and Interior design: Tricia Breidenthal

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Certain names and other identifying information have been changed to protect and honor the innocent and those whose innocence has been lost, stolen, sold, taken, or given away.

Love after Love from COLLECTED POEMS 1948-1984 by Derek Walcott. Copyright 1986 by Derek Walcott. Reprinted by permission of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Smith, Robin L.

Hungry : the truth about being full / Robin L. Smith. 1st ed.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-4019-4002-7 (hbk. : alk. paper) 1. Smith, Robin L.

2. Self-acceptance. 3. Self-realization. 4. Self-acceptance Religious aspects Christianity. 5. Self-realization Religious aspects Christianity. I. Title.

BF575.S37S65 2013

158.1dc23

2012036094

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4019-4002-7

Digital ISBN: 978-1-4019-4004-1

16 15 14 13 4 3 2 1

1st edition, February 2013

Printed in the United States of America

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO

Dr. Warren E. Smith & Rosa Lee Smith
Daddy and Mommy, for giving me roots of love and
compassion, resilience, abundance, wisdom, generosity,
humor, and integrity and wings to fly with gentle grace
and fierceness into a life that I can truly call my own.

Sandra E. Scott-Waller
For a friendship whose beauty reflects the glories of creation,
whose depth mirrors the endless floor of the ocean, and whose
breath expands across the galaxies of time and eternity.

Kallan Noel Smith
My beloved Kallewho healed my broken heart
with the indestructible gift of unconditional love and
invited me to love again the stranger who was myself.

The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.

CARL JUNG

Im being born as I give birth.

Thats what writing Hungry felt like: childbirth, where the baby was breech. Writing this book was one of the most difficult and necessary assignments of my life. It turned my whole life and self upside down. I felt as though I was in a never-ending at-risk pregnancy, and I didnt know how to deliver a healthy Hungry. I had to fight to know, listen to, trust, and honor my voice. It was a brutal fight to get my voice into the room so that I could break a toxic cycle of silencemy tendency to inflate and trust the value of others voices over my own.

Birthing Hungry severed the cord of invisibility and annihilation that had been strangling my life. There were those who told me that Hungry needed to be tamed and toned down, which created deep internal conflict and confusion. I didnt know whose voice to listen to or whose voice was right. I despaired to the point of thinking each voice knew more than I did; that they could discern Gods voice better than I could. This had been the story of my life: always expected to be like someone else, to use someone elses language, to write a book the way someone else thought I should. All the while ignoring what my inner voice was saying to me. Making Hungry my own baptized me. It forced me to reclaim my true identity and authentic voice. To honor my truth.

I could not have imagined the journey I would take as I wrote this book. I traveled to destinations as close as hidden self-loathing, and even closer, like the discovery of the self-love that reclaimed me once and for all. I once heard actress Debra Winger refer to life as a mortality sandwich, full of joys and sorrows, ups and downs, successes and failures, tragedies and triumphs, answers that leave us with many more questions, life and death... immortality and mortality, beginnings and endings. That is what much of this writing process has involved for me.

Hungry is about awakening and becoming conscious about our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Its not about the hunger for food, but the craving to reclaim and embrace our true identity. Its not about making a plan or signing up for a program to change our lives or relationships. It is about signing up to be a witness to our own lives and journeys. Hungry is about awakening to the pangs of our longings; about finding ways to be kind and compassionate to parts of ourselves that we dislike, dishonor, or which bring us shame. There are no lofty goals to achieve or high hurdles to jump over. Hungry is not about getting rid of our hungerits about embracing it. Telling the truth, at least to ourselves, about what we deeply long for, want, and need.

This is not a traditional self-help book, promising a quick or instant fix and then letting us down in the end. Its better: Rather than showing us how to fix whats broken, Hungry is about the birthright of our wholeness and the triumph of our humanity. Its my belief that true and transforming self-help is birthed from peeking in on how others have found their way through tough and turbulent timesand then seeing which parts of someone elses path speak to us.

Unlike many other professionalspsychologists, ministers, and healerswho seldom let the world see them, I recognize and embrace my faults, my humanness. Unfortunately, there is still an enormous amount of shame placed on the healer/expert for needing help. But we all need help. The power of the wounded healer is that the best healers, the most effective healers, are first in touch with their own woundedness and are therefore better able and equipped to help others on the path of feeling, facing, healing, living, and thriving. I proudly own the ups and downs of my own life, and I rejoice in my own healing. I wish for nothing more than for my experiencesand my imperfectionsto remain with you as inspiration for your own healing. I hope that by opening a window into my own life, you will find some new insight into yours.