George Gillespie - Seeing: Beyond Dreaming to Religious Experiences of Light

SEEING

Beyond Dreaming to Religious Experiences of Light

George Gillespie

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First published in 2019 by

Imprint Academic

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Copyright 2019 George Gillespie

The right of George Gillespie to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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The views and opinions expressed herein belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Imprint Academic or Andrews UK Limited.

To Charlotte, who encouraged me, spoiled me, and made it possible for me to do this work.

Preface

I grew up trying to follow Jesus and to love God and neighbor. I knew next to nothing about mysticism, and as far as I remember, even in seminary, Berkeley Baptist Divinity School (now the American Baptist Seminary of the West), knowing the mystics was not a part of the curriculum. Technically, somehow I became what they call a mystic, I think it is fair to say, but Im actually hesitant to say that. I remember reading that Robert Frost was always hesitant to call himself a poet. He felt that poet was a complimentary word to call someone, and it was up to someone else to call you that. That is how I really feel about the word mystic.

In preparation for the unexpected experiences that I think of as mystical, I had no teacher, guru, or spiritual director. I was in no monastic tradition. I was (and am still) a Baptist. I had no theories about mystical experience, and knew closely only the examples from the Bible the stories of Saul on the road to Damascus, of John being in the spirit on the Lords day, Jacob and his dream of the ladder to heaven, the visions of the prophets, and the transfiguration of Jesus seen by a few disciples. When things began to happen to me, I was on my own.

After rewriting this story again and again after trying to be clearer and clearer in expressing myself more clear than it seems possible to be this small book is the testimony that I end up with. I thank God that I have reached an old age and have been able to endlessly rewrite. But I must stop sometime.

Chapters I and II present the bare bones of the narrative, if I can call it that. Chapter I tells the beginnings of my lucid dreaming (knowing that I am dreaming while still dreaming) and then the religious experiences of God in the fullness of light. Chapter II describes a point in which a near-death experience becomes my last encounter with the fullness of light.

Chapter III tells about many later experiences of hypnopompic lattice imagery, in which I was able to study the imagery and learn how the lattice image, and thus visual imagery in general, is constructed internally, seen, and scanned. Ive discovered also how, with my perceptual mindset, I see the image three-dimensionally. Chapter III was not easy to write and it is, I have heard, not easy to understand the concepts that I hope to describe. Please do not get stuck trying to get through Chapter III. If need be, skip it and go on to Chapter IV. You can go back to Chapter III later. I wish to keep Chapter III there because it helps to explain the experiences of the fullness of light, which I go on to analyze after that.

Chapters IV, V, and VI then finish the study of the fullness of light. Chapter IV covers dreaming, for the light experience grows out of the context of dreams, even though the light itself is not a dream image. Dreamed body imagery may continue for some time into the experience of God in the light. In Chapter V, we study light itself, which has a special place in this story, and in Chapter VI we study what I mean when I talk about the presence of God.

I dont know why I have been blessed with lucid dreams, the experiences of the fullness of light, and then later lattice hypnopompic imagery, along with a lot of other forms of visual imagery that do not fit into this story. However, I feel responsible for telling what I have learned from all this, and I hope that I have been able to make somewhat clear all the difficult parts.

My thanks to Fred Smith, David Scott, Scott Sparrow, and Charlotte Gillespie for reading earlier versions of this manuscript and making helpful comments. I want to especially thank Dr. Harry T. Hunt, who often offered advice, encouragement, and serious challenges throughout the writing of this work and many previous writings. I feel that I have been able to make major improvements in concepts and wording during these years due to his responses to what I showed him. We did not get to see each other much, but what he said to me was important. Thank you, Harry.

I: Sleep

1. Amazing Grace

I dreamed I was back in India looking for something. I came to the door of a room. This was the place I was looking for. As I went in, I faced a wall, which I knew to be part of a large cube reaching from floor to ceiling. The cube was part of the construction of the building. I had to walk around it to get to the inner room. The passageway around was fairly dark. The situation seemed odd and I realized I was dreaming. I walked around the left side of the cube, past corrugated iron roofing sheets (as commonly used in India), which were stored there, and piles of sawdust, and came to the inner room.

I found in the inner room a group of poor Christian laborers from the tea plantations. They were people that I was familiar with from years of work in Assam, in the northeast corner of India, where many Christians in the Brahmaputra Valley pick tea leaves for a living. We were glad to see each other. I still knew I was dreaming and felt, therefore, that I should do something. I suggested that we sing Amazing Grace. We all then slowly and heartily sang the hymn in English, while I directed the singing with my hand. I knew it didnt matter how well I directed, since this was a dream.

We began to sing, Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I had no trouble remembering the words of the first verse, which is all we sang. I watched to see how well the movement of the mouths of the people was coordinated with the sounds of the words (this being a dream). Their mouths moved somewhat with the music, but not precisely. I saw that Charlotte, my wife, was also singing next to me. We sang on loudly and grandly, I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see. The experience was intensely devotional.

When the verse was over, I tried to think of what to do next. I considered leading the group in the Lords Prayer, but thought it might take too long, and I would probably wake up before we finished. As I thought about what to do, I saw that a light was shining high in front of me like a brilliant sun. I recognized this kind of light from previous experiences. Then, while the sun itself remained in view, intense light spread throughout the entire visual field. All other visual imagery disappeared. I was aware that God was present and began shouting, God is love. My devotion was spontaneous, joyful, and profound. Barely had I called out God is love a couple of times, I decided to think the phrase calmly to myself instead. While I then silently repeated within myself God is love over and over, I felt myself gradually rise up into the air. The light surrounding me remained intense, and I worshiped in this way for some time before I woke up.