Mark Van Buren - A Fools Guide to Actual Happiness

Wisdom Publications

199 Elm Street

Somerville, MA 02144 USA

wisdompubs.org

2018 Mark Van Buren

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photography, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system or technologies now known or later developed, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Van Buren, Mark, author.

Title: A fool's guide to actual happiness / Mark Van Buren.

Description: Somerville, MA: Wisdom Publications, 2018. |
Includes bibliographical references and index. |

Identifiers: LCCN 2017048415 (print) | LCCN 2018005628 (ebook) |
ISBN 9781614294641 (ebook) |
ISBN 9781614294481 (pbk.: alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Buddhism Psychology. | Happiness Religious aspects Buddhism.

Classification: LCC BQ4570.P76 (ebook) |
LCC BQ4570.P76 V36 2018 (print) | DDC 294.3/444 dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017048415

ISBN 978-1-61429-448-1 ebook ISBN 978-1-61429-464-1

22 21 20 19 18 5 4 3 2 1

Interior design by Kristin Goble.

This book is dedicated to my wife, Michelle,
and my beautiful children,
Mason Alexander and Madelyn Rose.

PREFACE

All beings want to be happy, yet so very few know how.

SHARON SALZBERG

ALL OF US want actual happiness. But what does this really mean? Where can this happiness be found? Allow me to let you in on a little secret. Actual happiness is now . It cannot be any other time. If you search for it outside this moment, it will always seem just beyond your reach. In fact, true happiness is your natural state of being, it is your birthright, and it is not gained through forceful effort but is, rather, discovered and realized once you let go of all the things keeping it hidden. As the saying goes, the sun is always shining behind the clouds .

Actual happiness is not owned by a certain religion, and everyone has access to it religious or not yes, that means you as well! It is so simple and ordinary its typically overlooked, much like a fish searching for the ocean, or a poor man sitting on a bucket full of money. The truth is we can all learn to rest in this natural state, and its as simple as paying attention to whats happening in our lives in this very moment warts and all. Occasionally though, you may catch a glimpse of an inner stillness, like when a beautiful sunset stops you dead in your tracks, or when something so terrifying happens it pulls the rug right out from beneath your feet, leaving you with no choice but to surrender fully to the direct experience of life. In these moments you find a silence within, a peace beyond the conditions you are experiencing actual happiness! Its as if we become, as poet T.S. Eliot once called it, the still point of the turning world. Resting from this still point, you see the world as it rushes by in its ever-changing flux. For me, Buddhism has really helped to see this.

Let me be clear about something from the very beginning: Im not a meditation master and Im not a lineage-holding Buddhist teacher. But I am a guy whos really benefited from its teachings. And Im a guy who just loves to share stuff Ive found useful, and some folks have told me I have a knack for explaining things in a catchy way. Oh, and Im also sometimes kind of a fool. Let me give you an example.

Early on in my practice I was at a retreat listening to a Chan master, Guo Ru Fashi, give a talk about letting go of attachments; a common theme found throughout all Buddhism. I foolishly thought I knew how I could demonstrate to him that I was totally free from attachments. My idea was brilliant. Profound. Really big. Id give him a demonstration that would convince him that I was his star pupil. I was going to fully extinguish my attachment to myself and to what people thought of me. So what would I do, you ask? I would pour a glass of water on my head in front of the master in my private interview with him that very afternoon! Because: water extinguishes . Right?

When it came time for my interview, it turned out my private interview wasnt so private after all... In the interview room was Guo Ru Fashi, his translator, a monk, and a very serious-looking nun. Regardless of the crowd, I still trotted in there with my mug full of water, ignoring the masters attendant outside the room, who told me I couldnt bring it with me. There I stood, water in hand, in front of this terrifying troop of serious Buddhist practitioners. Instead of sitting down on my cushion, I kept standing and went on to say, All my life I have worried about what other people have thought of me, I am ready to finally let it go . With that line, I raised my mug up high and released a mugful of tepid water onto my head. I then proclaimed, Now, Im ready . And I prostrated to the master and the watching crowd, flamboyantly staying face down in my prostration.

After a few moments of satisfaction, I decided to come out of my prostration and look up at the master, who I was certain would be impressed and beaming. He was not. Nor was he (or were any of the onlookers) amused. I followed up my performance by asking if I could borrow a towel.

Guo Ru Fashi then generously went on to explain how letting go isnt shown by some external display but is more of an internal letting go into our self-nature; it cannot be proven by putting on some show.

Although this was straight-up foolish no doubt about it it was also quite liberating in its own awkward kind of way. I realized I wasnt afraid of looking like a fool. For once, I actually wasnt afraid to just be my foolish self.

Shunryu Suzuki Roshi once called walking the path one continuous mistake and this has definitely been true for me. But its also had a really profound impact on my life. It has brought to me what I can only call actual happiness.

I have now been practicing the Buddhist path for a good while, around ten years although its not long in the cosmic scheme of things, I do take this path seriously (even if I do that with a sense of humor) and I am confident this book and the practices it points to have something of substance to offer. Although I still consider myself a fool of sorts when it comes to the practice, I also think that sharing some of what Ive learned might be helpful to you as a spiritual companion on the path. If you are just starting out, perhaps I may be a few steps ahead of you and can help you avoid some of the traps I fell into when I first began and maybe point out a few of the sights. If youve been at this a while, maybe I can be a fellow traveler walking beside you on the path possibly offering a fresh, new perspective on old teachings.

So what do you think? Shall we walk together?

INTRODUCTION

We are no longer happy as soon as we wish to be happier.

WALTER S. LANDOR

ONE DAY I was listening to a talk given by a Buddhist teacher when a woman in the audience shared her experience: no matter how much she meditated and was aware of herself throughout the day, she was still just her same old shitty self. Her brutally honest confession cloaked in humor made me sit up and take notice. Finally, here was someone who felt the same way I did! I didnt know this woman, had never met her, but I was sure as hell relieved to hear someone else was struggling like I was. It seemed that despite her efforts to better herself, she wasnt making the progress she expected. I had been worrying about the same thing. But since then, after much reflection and self-study, I have come to realize that what I need to do is just be my own shitty self . More than that, though, Ive realized my path is to be completely and fully myself exactly who I am with all my neuroses and suffering, along with all my capacities for love and joy. No more struggling or running away from who I actually am, no more trying to be someone Im not.