van Buren - Be Your Shitty Self: An Honest Approach to a More Peaceful Life

Copyright 2013 by Mark Van Buren

All rights reserved.

This book may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

PO Box 731

Alpine, NJ 07620

brycecullen.com

ISBN 978-1-935752-42-4

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013945274

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This book is dedicated to you.

Foreword

Introduction

Section I: Concepts & Beliefs

1 Self-Help or Self-Hate?

2 Is Happiness Really a Warm Puppy?

3 The Present Moment

4 The Three Marks of Existence

5 Karma

6 Two Aspects of Mind

Section II: Applications & Practices

7 Mindfulness

8 Meditation

9 Just Say Yes

10 Shenpa

11 Two Wings of Meditation Practice

12 Compassion

13 Forgiveness

Section III: Putting It All Together

14 Inspiration: The Key to Peace

15 Going Deeper

16 Dont Drink the Kool-Aid

17 Your Feelings Matter

18 You Are Not Alone

19 Life As a Path to Awakening

20 Fearlessness

21 A Good Sense of Humor

22 Honesty & Gentleness

23 Two Sides, One Coin

24 Clarity, Not Perfection

Final Note to the Reader

Acknowledgments

Resources

Mark Van Buren and I both grew up in the same small town of Dumont in Northern New Jersey, and despite the difference in our ages (I am twenty-five years his senior), our respective childhood experiences were in many ways, surprisingly similar for two people of different generations. I have known Mark since he was a little boy; his parents are close, personal friends of mine and have been for years. As a result, I have watched him mature physically from child to adult, observing his academic, emotional, and spiritual growth closely over the years. In the fall of 2012, I danced at his wedding as we celebrated yet another milestone in the life of this active, engaging young man.

Mark strives to live his life to the fullest; with him, theres always something new going on that captures his interest and curiosity. Mark is, in my mind, somewhat of a modern-day Renaissance mana thinker and a doer who is in constant search of the next big thing in his life. Like the educated men of sixteenth-century Europe, Marks interests are many, his accomplishments noteworthy. In his youth, he was a model and did some acting on the side. Eventually, his creative passions turned to music. He learned how to play the guitar and piano. He also writes his own music and performs in a band. He is a certified personal trainer and businessman who owns, operates, and instructs students in his own yoga studio. Most recently, he has worked as a teachers aide in a school for autistic children. Five years ago, after having been trained and certified in meditation practices, Mark became deeply interested in religion and eventually earned a BA degree in religious studies from Montclair State University. With the publication of this, his first book, Mark can now cite author as one of his many talents.

When Mark first approached me with his idea for writing this book, I was intrigued and amused, especially given its somewhat provocative title. I was also not really surprised. Although he had been born and raised a Roman Catholic, I knew Mark had been strongly influenced by his undergraduate studies at Montclair State University and was broadening his religious outlook on life. Ever the seeker, Mark had already begun to craft a personal philosophy that would put him on the path to inner peacea way of life that included, among other things, weekend retreats spent in silence and meditation. Since he had spent so much time developing his interests over the years, I saw this latest venture as just another one of Marks something new to do. When Mark asked me to assist him in the revision and editing of his manuscript, I thought it might be fun, so I agreed to help. It just so happened that I also had plenty of time to spare; I was home from work on medical leave, and I was looking for stimulating activities to keep me sane during my long recovery. It seemed like the perfect time for us to get together.

As we began to work and the ideas for Be Your Shitty Self began to take shape, I realized that class was in session and that I was now the student and Mark was my teacher. Being a veteran of the classroom for almost thirty years now, I was not accustomed to this role reversal, but I certainly enjoyed it. As both a language arts and history teacher, I was used to teaching my own seventh graders about the worlds great religions, so I felt more than qualified to help Mark see his literary vision come to life. As time passed, the more he taught me about mindfulness, meditation, and the Buddhist way, the more I realized that it was not some random twist of fate that brought us together on this project but rather, divine intervention. In my hour of need, when I wasnt sure if the cancer I was dealing with would get the better of me, I was making my way back to my own Catholic faith and upbringing for strength and support. Working with Mark on this book at this time sealed the deal for me. It was a gift I had not expected. So much of what Mark was writing about reminded me of my own spirituality; there are many shared beliefs between religionsit simply had to be Gods hand at work. I knew I could apply many of the practices Mark was advocating to my own situation, and I was grateful for the opportunity to learn from him. In general, I was impressed by Marks passion and his ability to articulate his ideas, and I especially enjoyed the sense of humor he brought to the table. We laughed a lot as the weeks passed. The long winter gave way to spring, and by the time I was ready to return to work full-time, the book was completed.

Be Your Shitty Self pokes fun at the seriousness of all kinds of self-help books that seem to be so popular in our Western culture. It is an honest, real-world guide toward peace and acceptance for anyone who has ever thought that they needed to be fixed or made better. In this book, Mark draws on his personal experiences with Buddhist concepts and meditative practices to take his readers on a journey to realizing that suffering is not a curse to be removed, but rather the necessary fertilizer for cultivating the basic goodness and natural wisdom they already possess. With concepts, practices, and practical advice, he explains how peace lies not in running away from your shitty self, but from being fully and completely yourself. He insists that you stop trying so hard to change, and instead, understand and accept yourself just the way you are. You already have all that you need to live a peaceful and loving life. Nothing needs to be fixed. Just as a beautiful lotus flower blooms from the bottom of a murky pond, so too can your true essence shine from the depths of your shitty self. Enjoy.

Regina Guth