David Gregory - Open: Get Ready for the Adventure of a Lifetime

I T WASNT THE END of the world. It was only the end of my world.

My girlfriends all said the usual things:

• Youll be better off without him.
• There are more fish in the sea.
• He doesnt know what hes passing up.

My journal recorded all the usual pep talk:

• Ill learn from this and become a better person.
• I wasnt ready to get married yet anyway.
• This will give me a chance to focus on my career.

I wasnt buying any of it. The truth was, I had made a huge mistake. Id broken up with the best guy Id ever met. Jason and I had been together for almost two years. My whole future was tied to him. Or so I thought until he came to my North Dallas apartment one evening after a third job interview with the same company, full of excitement.

Well? I asked as I opened the door.

Jason took me into his arms and kissed me passionately. I accepted the position!

You did! I kissed him back. Thats fantastic! When do you start?

Next week.

Wow. Thats quick. At which office downtown or Galleria?

Jason took a deep breath and sat down on the couch. Well, neither.

I kept standing. What do you mean, neither?

They want me to go through their management training program.

Which is where?

Atlanta.

I dreaded asking the next question. For how long?

He hesitated. A year.

Jason moved to Atlanta. We called each other. We e-mailed. We skyped. And after three months, we broke up.

I was the one who did it. I was always the one who did it, breaking up. I just never thought Id do it with Jason. If I had to explain it, Id say I never got over the feeling that I was second place to Jasons career aspirations. I knew his career was important. But couldnt he pursue a career within driving distance of me? If I had been the most important thing in his life, he wouldnt have moved away for a year. I couldnt shake that feeling, no matter how often I told myself it wasnt forever.

So on a fateful Friday night, facing another lonely weekend, I called him and said straight out, Jason, I cant do this anymore. Its over.

He didnt have much of a reaction. That should have told me something. He certainly didnt plead with me to reconsider.

I lasted two weeks without him. No phone calls. No e-mails. No skyping. And I was miserable. Wherever I fell in Jasons priorities, I missed him horribly. I finally swallowed enough of my pride to call.

Hey, its me.

Hey. Im surprised you called. His tone seemed distant. Not that I could blame him.

Yeah. Well... I took a deep breath. Jason, I made a big mistake. I was being emotional. I was feeling rejected, like I wasnt important to you anymore. But I love you, and I know you love me, and I think we can make this work out. Ill move to Atlanta if I need to get a job doing whatever.

There was silence on the other end.

Jason?

Yeah.

Did you hear what I said?

Yeah.

What do you think?

He didnt respond. A knot formed in my stomach.

Jason, Im sorry

Emma...

What?

I met someone at work.

A month later, I opened my apartment door just after six on a Friday night, changed out of my work clothes, turned on the TV, and looked through what was on. News. Sports. The 17 Again movie. I wish I was seventeen again, I thought. And Im only twenty-nine.

I kept looking. Kids programming. Wheel of Fortune. Property Brothers. I settled for Property Brothers.

That pretty much summed up my life settling. Instead of pursuing better jobs elsewhere, as Jason had, I had settled for a mediocre job just to be close to him. Instead of remaining near my social group, I had settled for a new apartment close to work but an hour away from all my friends. Instead of staying at the great church I had attended for ten years near my old place, I had settled for a church down the street where I didnt know anyone. I had settled for a life unlike everything I had expected even six months before, and I felt like I was going nowhere.

I reached over to the end table next to the couch and picked up my Bible. Id been reading it more frequently since Jason and I broke up. Not that I never read it before that, but Id mostly let my relationship with God coast during my time with Jason. I went to church, participated in the career group, listened to Christian radio in the car, and tried to catch time for praying and Bible reading when I could, but I didnt spend much time alone with God. Now, I had all the time in the world for him.

My real question was, did he have time for me? Because, to be honest, I wasnt feeling him all that much. The Bible was supposed to guide me. Comfort me. Reassure me. Wasnt it? But as I opened it for the umpteenth time since Jason and I broke up, my expectations couldnt have been lower.

God, I found myself praying or thinking, at least; Im not sure it was officially a prayer I dont feel like Im getting anything at all from the Bible. What good is reading these stories from the Gospels? None of them has anything to do with what Im dealing with right now.

God was supposed to satisfy me. Isnt that what all the Christian music said, or implied? And thats what Id been told over and over by every youth pastor, college pastor, normal pastor, abnormal pastor, whatever let God himself satisfy you.

The only problem was, sitting on my couch alone, reading stories in the Gospel of John that Id read a thousand (okay, numerous) times, it just wasnt true. Jesus wasnt enough. The Bible didnt provide the answers I needed. I hated to admit it, but it felt like my only real fulfillment was in the past. Hed moved to Georgia four months before.