Karen Katafiasz - Self-Esteem Therapy

Self-esteem Therapy

Karen Katafiasz

Illustrated by R. W. Alley

Abbey Press

Foreword

Some people spend all their lives refusing to face an emptiness within them, a void that communicates an aching sense of wrongness and shame about themselves.

They may try to cover the pain with material success and accomplishments, or numb it with unhealthy behavior, or turn to others to fill up this hole in the soul, as John Bradshaw calls it.

What they lack is self-esteem.

Self-esteem is more than feeling self-confident or spouting positive affirmations. It goes to the heart of personal identity, conveying the belief that we are acceptable, respected, and loved as the persons we arewith all our feelings and sensations and even imperfections.

The source of self-esteem lies deep within childhood, from the first moment a vulnerable infant seeks to get its needs met from a caregiving adult. These needs go beyond physical nourishment and safety. To thrive, a child must be acknowledged, accepted, loved without condition. Thats an agenda even the most well-intentioned parent cant always accommodate.

The good news is that, as an adult, you have power to change an inner sense of wrongness, to fill an emptiness within. With reassuring insight, Self-esteem Therapy invites you to go deep within to heal your wounded self-esteem. Make an appointment today for some Self-esteem Therapy!

1.

Know the reality of your worth as a wondrous, one-of-a-kind, loved, and lovable child of God. You make a dent in creation that cannot be duplicated. That is the basis of self-esteem. No one and nothing can take that reality from you.

2.

Self-esteem is more than an air of self-confidence, a superior attitude, positive messages playing on your inner tape, or a jaunty strut through the world. Its being truly at ease and at peace with yourself. Its the knowledge deep within that you matter and youre acceptable just as you are.

3.

Self-esteem is a solidness at the core of your being. Without sufficient self-esteem, you have a painful emptiness, a hole in the soul aching to be filled. Recognize that hollowness; only you can fill it up.

4.

Shame destroys and displaces self-esteem. It erodes your spirit, carving out an emptiness inside. It produces a heaviness at the bottom of your being, even as it makes you feel hollow. Be alert to shame lurking within you.

5.

Healthy shame tells you that youve done something terribly wrong. Toxic shame tells you that you are terribly wrong. You need to deal with both kinds of shame.

6.

You generate and strengthen self-esteem when you live with integrity, in harmony with your values. Consciously and thoughtfully choose meaningful principles in which to ground your life. Commit yourself to them with all your heart.

7.

When your actions violate your values, you feel healthy shame. To remove that feeling, admit what youve done, accept responsibility for the consequences, and make amends to anyone youve hurt. Then forgive yourself.

8.

Sometimes when you find yourself doing what you dont like, youll have to probe beneath the surface to discover whats driving your actions. If youre acting from unmet needs, deal with them. Seek out spiritual or psychological guidance, when thats appropriate.

9.

You can use healthy shame to learn, to grow, to become more the person you want to be. After you take responsibility for what you did and make amends, decide what you need to do to ensure that your future actions will be in harmony with your principles.

10.

Just as doing good things builds self-esteem, so does doing things well. Recognize where you shine, and share that glow with the universe.

11.

Reflect on those moments when youve felt good about yourself. Re-experience the sense of strength, self-acceptance, and serenity that filled your being. When your self-esteem is shaky, you can tap into the wellspring of these emotional memories, letting the feelings flow through you once more.

12.

Keep challenging yourself to grow, even when that means you could fail. View your mistakes as occasions for learningnot occasions for shameon the way to becoming all that youre meant to be.

13.

Imagine self-esteem as a ray of energy, vibrating from your feet to the top of your head. It anchors you in a solid appreciation of who you are right now, at the same time it keeps pulling you upward toward higher aspirationsupward to the stars.

14.

The emptiness and sense of wrongness that come with low self-esteem can be unbearably painful. Work to build up self-esteem in healthy ways and remove shame at its source. If you dont, you may use harmful, self-defeating ways to feel better.

15.

Dont try to fill your inner emptiness or numb your pain with mood-altering substances or behavior. Though you may seem to feel better at first, these are phony, short-lived solutions and will eventually send what self-esteem you do have spiraling even lower.

16.

Material success and accomplishments may distract you for a time, but they wont give you real self-esteem or remove your pain. You need to face the emptiness that lies within.