Majella ODonnell - Its All in the Head

I T S A LL IN
THE H EAD

First published in Great Britain by Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2014

A CBS COMPANY

Copyright 2014 by Majella ODonnell

This book is copyright under the Berne Convention.

No reproduction without permission.

All rights reserved.

The right of Majella ODonnell to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.

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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Hardback ISBN: 978-1-4711-3933-8

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4711-3894-2

eBook ISBN: 978-1-4711-3896-6

The author and publishers have made all reasonable efforts to contact copyright-holders for permission, and apologise for any omissions or errors in the form of credits given. Corrections may be made to future printings.

Typeset by M Rules

Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY

T O MY CHILDREN , S IOBHN AND M ICHAEL :

I HOPE THE JOURNEY WASN T TOO BUMPY

T O THE FIRST PERSON I EVER LOVED , MY MOTHER :

THANK YOU

T O MY HUSBAND , D ANIEL :

WHAT CAN I SAY THAT YOU DON T ALREADY KNOW

T O MY D AD :

I MISS YOU

C ONTENTS

P REFACE

When it was suggested to me that I write a book, at first I thought to myself, what could I possibly have to say that would be of interest to anyone else? I always thought that books were written by highly intellectual people, who have great imaginations and verbal skills and lots of patience and I certainly wouldnt put myself into that category! But then I thought about it and realized that ever since I had spoken openly about my experience with depression and my journey with breast cancer, a huge number of people had contacted me to say that my openness had been very helpful to them. The word inspirational was the one most people used. Imagine. Me. Inspirational. An ordinary girl from a small town in Tipperary with a very normal upbringing. I began to think that maybe my writing a book wasnt such a crazy idea after all.

Ive had a lot of ups and downs, as all of us have. Theres nothing special about that. What I aim to do in this book is to tell you how it was for me and what I did to make changes in my life to stop becoming a poor-me kind of person and to take responsibility for my own circumstances. I do not by any means claim to be an expert on depression or anxiety or any other mental health issues or for that matter, cancer and all that goes with it, but what I can talk about is my experience with both and how I dealt with, and am still dealing with, mind and body.

I have given some talks on my experience with depression and people have always said that they can identify with me. I must have a way of explaining things that people can connect with. I have enjoyed what I have done so far and I feel that maybe thats my calling in life. It is a huge responsibility and I do notice that people approach me with their problems in the hope that I can tell them what to do to fix things but, unfortunately, I cant. I wish I could. All I can do is share what I have experienced and what I did to help myself and if other people can use that information to help themselves, thats wonderful.

When I set out to write this book, I wanted to look at the milestones in my life and how theyve shaped me and made me who I am: the good and the bad, the struggles and the successes. For me, thats what its all about: not the destination, but the journey and the milestones along the way. If, by writing this book, I can help others on their journey through life, Ill be a happy woman.

Chapter 1

M Y H EAD S HAVE AND T HE L ATE L ATE S HOW

Youve done it! Youve absolutely done it! Ryan Tubridy said, holding my hand. I was so glad to hear those words because I knew then that it was over. My hair had all been shaved off. I had done what I set out to do and now I was sitting in front of hundreds of thousands of people, absolutely bald. I know that I should probably have felt elated, or upset at the loss of my hair, but instead, all I felt was relief. Id set myself the task of having my head shaved on live television, and now, Id actually gone through with it. It felt like such a milestone.

It was 14 September 2013, and I had been diagnosed with breast cancer on 12 July that year. I will talk about my cancer journey in more detail later on in the book, but because of the impact that my appearance that night on The Late Late Show had and because so many people responded in such a positive way, I feel that I should explain why I did the head shave.

Following my diagnosis, I had had lumpectomy surgery at the end of July 2013. My oncologist then advised that, having had some tests done, I should have a course of chemotherapy to minimize the possibility of the cancer returning. At the time, I was very surprised that I needed chemo. I suppose I thought that it was a bit extreme. I had found my lump at an early stage and I thought that would mean I wouldnt need it. I understood that chemo was only administered if your cancer had progressed, but I was going to take all the advice and help I could get because, after all, they were the experts.

I was lying in bed about a week before the first course of treatment was due to start, in September, feeling a little apprehensive because Id heard how ill chemo could make you feel and I wondered how Id react. My husband, Daniel, had left to do a tour in America at the end of August, so I was on my own, with no distractions usually the two of us catch up on the days events and chat away at that time in the evening. I started to slip into that pre-sleep phase, when youre not quite asleep, but not fully awake either and you have lucid dreams. All of a sudden, I was wide awake, with a very clear idea in my head. It was as quick as that and certainly not premeditated. The thought was that I should shave my hair on live television to raise money for charity and to raise awareness of breast cancer. I didnt know where the idea had come from and at first, I almost dismissed it. I can be very spontaneous at times and sometimes its not a good thing! I thought that maybe I was being ridiculous and that no one would want to be involved with something as personal as that on live television, but Im a fairly brazen woman and Ill usually try anything thats thrown at me. I believe that life is for living and the more we can experience in life, the better. I want to leave this world feeling that I have accomplished something worthwhile and I believe that sometimes you have to take risks to achieve that. So, I went to sleep with the idea firmly set in my mind. I was going to give it a go.

When I woke up the next morning, I was almost frantic about getting the head shave organized. I knew that I had very little time, so I had to contact people straight away. I knew that I would not be in great form once chemo started and that my hair would start to fall out anyway and I really didnt want that to happen. I wanted to call Daniel to see what his reaction would be, but he was about eight hours behind in the States, so I called a businessman friend of mine and told him what I had planned and asked if he knew of any companies that would be interested in sponsoring me.