Robin Martel - Get Over a Break-Up

Get Over a Break Up: The Five-Step Guide to Get Over Your Ex, Break Bad Habits and Learn to Love Yourself

By

Robin Martel

Chapter 1 The Break-Up

W hen my ex-partner walked out, leaving me a sobbing, broken mess on the living room floor, I felt an influx of panic, anxiety and absolute fear. I could barely breathe or swallow, and my heart felt like it had dropped down to the pit of my stomach, readying itself to lurch right back out of my mouth.

I was scuffled, puffy-faced from crying and laying amongst all of the household items that had been smashed during our enraged argument. Just moments earlier, I was kneeling on the floor with my arms wrapped tightly around my ex's legs, begging him not to leave. Flipping me aside on to the littered floor, he escaped out of the house as quickly as he could.

This was not unusual. Fights were not unusual, physical or verbal. Him leaving me for days and days was not unusual. Me begging him to come back time after time was not unusual. What was unusual, this time, was that I knew I couldn't keep doing this. My heart, absolutely, couldn't take it anymore.

Earlier that evening, things had been pretty typical. I had come home from work, begun making food and opened a bottle of wine to help alleviate the stresses my job often provoked. He was sat watching TV having taken some time off work, and hadn't done anything in the way of housework for a while. He was lazy in that particular sense and had to be coaxed into doing housework with bribery or promises.

That day was one of those days where I had made a promise in return for some general house tidying whilst I was at work. I had kept my end of the bargain, yet he didn't look like he'd moved from his chair all day. As I poured us both our second glass of wine, I began to question why no housework had been done. As usual, he got defensive and an argument arose. Again, nothing unusual. We argued a lot.

For a lot of couples, arguments like this are chalked up to being 'petty' or the annoying character traits that their loved ones possess. Often, they are overlooked out of love and are understood to be not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

However, such petty and annoying traits in a partner can cause other underlying feelings to come out and present themselves at any opportunity. My underlying emotions stemmed from being cheated on by my partner and, as I couldn't keep trudging over his past affairs forever, I snapped at him at any other given chance. This time, it was over housework.

What began as a dispute over housework led to the unraveling of our feelings beneath the surface, which always led to highly-strung and volatile arguments. The arguments often lasted hours, sometimes spilling over days. This one escalated quickly and ended how they did frequently. I was told he no longer loved me before we scuffled at the front door, and he flung my begging body to the side.

As I lay on the cold and uncomfortable wooden floor, I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling. The sickening thoughts of everything he'd ever done to me washed over my mind. It was times like this after an argument and him walking out, he would stay at his friend's house, go out drinking all night. It was on these occasions he would cheat. Days would pass, he wouldn't reply to messages, voicemails or any type of pleading from me to come home and work it out. That is until he was ready to come home and it would always be on his terms.

There would be no mention of the previous few days mental torture I'd endured, not knowing where he'd been and who he had potentially been with. On the hellish days, he would stay away and ignore me, I'd be unable to eat, sleep or function properly. Days at work would be painful and slow if I managed to go at all.

I found out about and forgave two instances of cheating (using the term forgave loosely I never did truly forgive him, I was simply scared of losing him). The rest of his affairs came to light after the break-up, which made me feel even more worthless and like I must have somehow asked to be treated in such a way. It also dawned on me how obvious his adulterous behavior had been, and I had been refusing to accept it the whole time. I felt like a prize idiot when I found out, to say the least although not shocked, which speaks volumes.

Laying amongst broken vases, smashed ornaments and soil from the toppled over houseplants, my heart was broken into a thousand pieces. Thinking back now, the image of myself back then is that of somebody I would love to be able to walk up to, extend my hand out to them and be able to sit them down and talk to them.

To let them know things would be okay (more than okay in fact, although feeling just 'okay' seems like a luxury when going through a serious break-up). To let them know what they're feeling isn't permanent, that they will be happy and the things that they're going through are all part of the process that leads to genuine happiness.

Time and time again I had been betrayed, unheard and cast aside by my ex. Every argument and fight I could remember played out in my head, as did the seemingly dire reality of what my life would now be; single, possibly jobless after numerous days off sick and struggling to cope financially.

I lay with tears streaming from my face and into my hair, pleading the question "why?" - why wasn't I wanted? Why do I have to feel like this?

As much as I yearned for my ex, I knew deep down it was a horrible fear of abandonment that led me to accept such low standards and kept me going through this same old rigmarole. The thoughts of being alone and nobody ever wanting me began to seep into my mind.

I had to get him out of my system and get over this break-up. I was fine before we met and I'll be fine again. I told myself these things over and over until I cried myself to sleep.

I awoke to feel the same as I always did the day after he broke up with me. Like I said, he did this often; every few months or so. Sick, anxious, needy and unable to talk properly were some of the side effects of him leaving. The only way I could quell these feelings was to have him with me, at home, just holding me. Even then, the fear of him leaving again and again, until he eventually did it for good, was enough to drive me to insanity.

This time, however, I was going to go cold turkey.

I wouldn't text, call or email. I wouldn't try and see what he was doing on social media. I wouldn't spend my days sobbing and wondering what was so wrong with me. Needy, pathetic me was going to have to go, for good. Regardless of my emotions toward him, or my want to just have him be with me, I couldn't allow another human being to treat me with such little regard or respect.

I can admit to not being perfect in our relationship I could often be picky, take my work stresses out on him and become very introverted at times. These things he found difficult, as I'm sure many partners would. However, the counteractive treatment he served me because of my 'shortcomings' was nothing less than torture for my heart. I knew I needed to let go.

But how?

I 'm going to take my experiences, using the heartbreaks I have endured, and show you how you can get over your ex and triumph over heartbreak. As well as this, I can show you how to take your heartbreak and use it to make yourself the best version of yourself; think of the little caterpillar transforming itself into the wondrous butterfly. This break-up is your cocoon.