Ryan Shazier - Walking Miracle: How Faith, Positive Thinking, and Passion for Football Brought Me Back from Paralysis...and Helped Me Find Purpose

M an, Ryan, youre not okay. Thats what I said to myself about two weeks in. Id developed a urinary tract infection, and I had a fever. Even though the doctors had told me all about the spinal cord injury Id suffered, even though theyd told me I only had a 20 percent chance of ever walking again, until now Id assumed that I was going to get better.

When it first happened, when a routine tackle against the Bengals on the turf of Cincinnatis Paul Brown Stadium left me with a burning sensation in my lower back and no feeling in my legs, my first thought had been, Its a stingera nerve injury common in football that can temporarily send tingling, numbness, or loss of feeling, usually down the arm. No big deal. After the chopper ride from Cincinnati to Pittsburgh and surgery days later, I still had faith. Id grown up in football and the church; Id grown up following game plans. My new game plan was to figure out what I had to do in order to get better.

My faith had always been my not-so-secret weapon. When I was growing up in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, my dad, Vernon Shazier, was a preacher and my mom, Shawn, was a God-fearing, walking advertisement for the Golden Rule. Theyre humble, loving, everyday folks. From them, I learned that God always has a plan for me. Mom used to tell me, Whenever youre in a tough situation, find a light in it. In every situation, theres always a way to focus on the good in it and not the badits just a matter of attitude. When I was five, my hair started falling out. I mean, in clumps. I was diagnosed with alopecia areata, an autoimmune disease that causes patchy hair loss. Imagine going to kindergarten bald. Kids can be less than tactful, and sometimes theyre downright mean. Moms take on it? Ryan, God chose you to be bald, she said.

Who was I to question His plan? It had been drummed into me: faith would set me free. But now, just two weeks after the play that would change my life, my faith was starting to crack.

Man, Ryan, youre not okay, I kept telling myself. My cousin Nehari Crawford, who played football at Duquesne University, was seated by my hospital bed. Nehari had always looked up to me; Id been his mentor. Now he was seeing me paralyzed from the waist down, feverish, sick to my stomach. Id always been strong; strength, man, that was my thing. Now I was anything but. I felt the sickness rising in me and turned my head to throw up, but the vomit hit the rail on the side of my bed and some of it ricocheted back at me. Youre not okay, Ryan.

Thats when it started, the rush of why me thoughts. Id always done the right thing: worked hard, treated people with respect and kindness. Id been raised to believe that if you follow the rules, good things will happen. You get back what you put out there. And nowthis? Fourteen days ago, Id been a world-class athlete; now here I was, vomit-covered, feverish, unable to take a step or raise a leg or feel anything below the waist.

Why, God?

Why me?

What did I do to deserve this?

* * *

In the years since my injury, you may have caught glimpses of me in a string of viral, feel-good moments. There I was, limpingbut walkingonto the stage at the 2018 NFL Draft to loud applause before a packed, emotional auditorium. There I was, dancing at my wedding just seventeen months after the play that had left me paralyzed. Or you may have seen my return to Heinz Field on a football Sunday, waving the Terrible Towel to the cheering Steelers faithful from my wheelchair. Or you may have seen the giant Get Well Soon, Ryan! card in downtown Pittsburgh signed by fans from all over the world.

But those viral moments since December 4, 2017, dont really tell the full story of these last four years. Because it hasnt been all inspiration and smiles. Walking Miracle is the story of a comeback attempta comeback from paralysis, yes, but also a comeback from doubt. Its also more than that. Its really a story about the power of faith and the questioning of that faith; about the role positive thinking can play in healing; about the lessons for overcoming adversity found in a brutal game; about love, between a man and womanI dont know where Id be without my wife, Michellebut also love between a city and an athlete, and how, in a crazy way, one always seemed to inspire the other.

Id always stared down odds. How many kids get alopecia at five years old? How many refuse to let it define them? How many kids are told in high school that theyll never be able to play the game they love again because of a severe case of scoliosis? How many are able to play anyway, and not only play but dominate at every level? How many kids play Division I football, let alone go on to the NFL and rise to Pro Bowl heights?