Holly Burkhalter - Good God, Lousy World, and Me: The Improbable Journey of a Human Rights Activist from Unbelief to Faith

Holly Burkhalter has been a voice of conscience in Washington for many, many years. She has written some of the most powerful and pointed op-eds the Post has published. Shes a gifted writer with a big heart and a unique, compassionate take on the human condition.

F RED H IATT of The Washington Post

Hollys story, from a distance, is absolutely fascinatingone of the worlds top experts in human rights turns out to be a person of deep Christian commitments. But her story up close is even better: by turns laugh-out-loud funny, poignant, wrenching, and hopeful. I think this is a voice the wider world needs to hear.

A NDY C ROUCH , author of Culture Making: Recovering Our Creative Calling and executive editor of Christianity Today

Good God, Lousy World, and Me is what happens when a passion for justice is joined to a seeking spirit. Holly Burkhalters work for a world that cherishes all people is undergirded by her faith in a God who does likewise. This is Christianity as we wish it could be.

P HILLIP G ULLEY , author of Living the Quaker Way

Good God, Lousy World, and Me is a desperately needed, encouraging read, helping us see that we dont need everything figured out before we act on behalf of the poor, marginalized, and oppressed. Instead Holly takes us on a journey where true strength shows up through our humanity, where our daily burdens and spiritual questioning make faith the miracle it truly is. With a blunt, challenging, funny, and intimate recount of personal experiences, Holly punches some of the taboos left in todays society. For those of us whove questioned God after witnessing, hearing, or experiencing injustice or those whove quietly suffered with mental illness, Hollys words rally the soul and challenge the myth that one must accept neat answers to lifes darkest moments before professing faith and declaring war on injustice.

S TEVE M ARTIN , CEO of Love146

Anything written by Holly Burkhalter is worth reading, and her book is no exception.

J ODY W ILLIAMS , winner of the 1997 Nobel Peace Prize

Hollys story is a journey from unbelief to the unbelievably critical work of justice for the poor and marginalized in the name of God. Its a powerful story from an unforgettable pilgrim.

J OEL E DWARDS , director of Micah Challenge International

In this extraordinary memoir of grace, one of the foremost human rights advocates of the last half century shares her brutally and hilariously honest story of finding God on one of the most unlikely, irreverent, and utterly beautiful pilgrimages through life as it actually is. Hers will become an iconic story of spiritual reflection in our eraa chronicle of the deepest human yearning amidst shattering pain, everyday redemption, and the irrepressible love of her Maker.

G ARY A. H AUGEN , president & CEO of International Justice Mission

Face to face with atrocities that call into question both the existence of God and is there any human left in humanity, Holly comes out swinging. Intermittently humble and fierce, she dares to plumb the depths of faith and slowly, tenderly finds God. Living between winsome and raw, which is not for the faint of heart, there are tungsten strands of emerging faith. This book will leave you exhausted and exhilarated, both of which are good for expanding the soul.

N ANCY O RTBERG , author of Looking for God

G OOD G OD , L OUSY W ORLD , AND M E
P UBLISHED BY C ONVERGENT B OOKS

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ( KJV ) are taken from the King James Version.

Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.

Trade Paperback ISBN 978-1-60142-510-2
Hardcover ISBN 978-1-60142-508-9
eBook ISBN 978-1-60142-509-6

Copyright 2013 by Holly Burkhalter

Cover design by Kristopher K. Orr
Cover photography by Frans Devriese

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Convergent Books, an imprint of the Crown
Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, New York, a Penguin Random House Company.

C ONVERGENT B OOKS and its open book colophon are registered trademarks of Random House LLC.

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Burkhalter, Holly.
Good God, lousy world, and me : the improbable journey of a human rights activist from unbelief to faith / Holly Burkhalter. First edition.
pages cm.
ISBN 978-1-60142-508-9 (hardback) ISBN 978-1-60142-509-6 (electronic)
1. Burkhalter, Holly. 2. Christian convertsWashington (D.C.)Biography. 3. Human rights workersWashington (D.C.)Biography. 4. Providence and the government of GodChristianity. I. Title.
BV4935.B87A3 2013
277.3083092dc23
[B]

2013024974

v3.1_r1

To Sharon

Tires on a Jeep

It was the year 1990. I was in West Africa and not happy about it. Thousands of Liberians had been forcibly displaced from their country by marauding army and rebel forces. Fleeing families were living in squalor, drinking and washing in filthy water, and eating whatever scraps poor villagers could share. My assignment was to interview these refugees from hell and report on the events that had put them to flight.

In a quiet voice, a man described to me a fellow villager being slowly cut to death by teenage boys wearing womens wigs. A young woman explained that shed survived an attack on her village by hiding in the bush, from where she watched armed men wrap her mother in a gasoline-soaked mattress and set it aflame. A university professor who had fled with only the clothes he worea business suitwept while we spoke, bizarrely, of the indignity of eating with his hands. Having lost everything, he yearned for a fork.

I took notes, filling pages of my notebook with hideous, degrading, pitiful stories, one after another. Then I rejoined my fellow travelers, a group of American and French relief experts, for a jouncing Jeep ride through the bush back to our hostel in town.

When we arrived, one of my colleagues, an Ethiopian evangelical woman, broke into joyful prayer. She thanked the Lord for our safe arrival and for sparing our overland vehicle a flat tire.

I thought Id vomit. I had literally overdosed on malaria medicinea French doctor in the refugee camp told me, mistakenly, to double my dosage, so I did. Antimalarial drugs in those days caused hallucinations, and I was having them. I hadnt eaten or slept for three days, and I was trembling with revulsion and fear from the stories Id heard. Praising God for our spectacular privileges, right down to our intact tires, in the face of the hunger and trauma wed just witnessed, struck me as downright obscene. I wasnt a Christian at the beginning of that trip, and by the end of it I could scarcely tolerate the sight of those who were.