Ginny Kubitz Moyer - Random MOMents of Grace: Experiencing God in the Adventures of Motherhood

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2013 Ginny Moyer

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Scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright 1993 and 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

A previous version of material from chapter 11 appeared as Heart to Heart in U.S. Catholic, Volume 74, No. 5 (May 2010), 4748.

Art Credit: Nona Reina/Fotografa/Getty Images.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Moyer, Ginny Kubitz.

Random MOMents of grace : experiencing God in the adventures of motherhood / Moyer, Ginny.

pages cm

ISBN-13: 978-0-8294-3840-6

ISBN-10: 0-8294-3840-8

1. MotherhoodReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. MothersReligious life. I. Title.

BV4529.18.M69 2013

248.8431dc23

2012044952

eBook ISBN: 978-0-8294-3841-3

13 14 15 16 17 EPUB 5 4 3 2 1

B efore I had kids, I spent lots of time nurturing my spiritual life. When I got together with friends over brunch or late-night bottles of cabernet, wed have leisurely conversations about God and faith. Late afternoons would sometimes find me slipping into a nearly empty church, settling into a pew, and meditating in silence. A perfect weekend was one spent at a retreat house in a redwood forest or nestled among oak-studded hillsides, wandering down quiet paths and letting my thoughts unspool at their own pace. Its easy to have spiritual epiphanies when there is no sound around you but the rustle of leaves in the breeze, when you dont have to be present to anyone but yourself and God.

Things are a wee bit different now.

It would be easy to moan about what Ive lost in the five years since I became a mother, namely time, space, and the ability to spend thirty seconds in the bathroom without a small boy banging on the door and asking what Im doing. Spiritual junkie that I am, its easy to get nostalgic for the wide spaces of silence and solitude that used to be critical ingredients for developing my inner life. How can I maintain an active spirituality when my attempts at morning prayer are interrupted by the frantic sound track of cartoons? How can I be enriched by the Mass when I spend the homily trying to keep my two small sons from wriggling on their stomachs, sniper-like, under the kneeler?

But heres what Ive learned: although silence, solitude, and homilies are all very good ways to deepen ones faith life, they arent the only means of spiritual growth. Blowing bubbles on the front lawn, fastening a childs bike helmet, and even wiping up messes can also be the raw material for a rich spiritual life. Motherhood presents you with all kinds of random moments and experiences you never could have anticipated. Some are sweet, some are transcendently beautiful, some are hilarious, and some make you want to call the nearest convent and see if its not too late to pursue a career as a nun. But Im learning that all of these experienceseven the deeply frustrating onesare chances for growth and grace.

I have learned an enormous amount about sacrifice by spending an hour cleaning vomit off my sons crib (and off my son); no homily could possibly teach me more. And yet, as stinky as that hour was, it also showed me how sweet and right it feels to comfort my sick little child. Ive learned that feelings of love and gratitude for my serial puker can trump even the frustration of giving him three baths in one evening. And I like to think that the whole experience edged me just a little bit closer to understanding the reality of divine love, the love that gives and then gives some more, the love that underpins the universe.

This book is a candid look at these random moments of grace and a reflection on how they have enriched my spiritual life. Thats not to say that this process is easy or obvious or, for that matter, immediate. When Im breaking up a heated fight over the remote-control Buzz Lightyear toy, I am not exactly thinking about all the rich spiritual wisdom Im accruing from the experience. Mostly, Im wondering if there is such a thing as a yearlong sabbatical from motherhood, and if so, where do I apply? The insights come later, during a moment of silent prayer or while Im commuting to work or taking a shower or scribbling in a notebook. I think the key lies in approaching those chaotic moments of motherhood with a reflective frame of mind, which, frankly, is a lot harder than it sounds. But, as I tell my older son about his swimming lessons, you cant become good at something if you dont practice. Thats as true of faith as it is of anything else. The ability to find God everywhere, even in places like toy-strewn living rooms, is a spiritual muscle that has been a bit flabby up until now. But motherhood gives me numerous chances to flex it, and Im getting more buff all the time.

Its worth mentioning up front that motherhood and writing are not my only jobs. I also work outside the home, teaching high school English. Im not sure if that makes my life easier or harder. On the upside, it gets me out of the house most days and guarantees that I will have at least some adult conversation, which is a thing you dont realize how much you need until you dont have it anymore. On the downside, working outside the home means that Im spinning a lot of plates, and it is exhausting having to constantly anticipate and prevent a crash. (I breathe far more easily during summer vacation, a time when a few of those plates are stacked and put away.) I mention this because the amount of time you spend with your kids may be more or less than I spend with mine. Either way, I hope you still find an echo of your parenting experiences in the chapters that follow.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should also add that I fail at mindfulness about as often as I succeed. One of the challenges of writing about spirituality and motherhood is that moments after you pen a blog post or chapter that makes you sound very wise and balanced, you find your children jumping from chair to chair in the manner of penguins leaping onto Arctic ice floes, and you respond in a manner that is anything but wise and balanced. It is extremely humbling and can make you momentarily wonder if you have any business telling anyone anything about motherhood and faith.

But the reality is that I learn the most from spiritual writers and teachers who are willing to admit that they dont have it all together. If a writer comes across as too smoothly perfect, I feel as though she could never relate to raggedy-edged, imperfect me. (I also wonder what, exactly, shes hiding.) So in this book, I will try to keep it real, not ideal, acknowledging that yes, I do occasionally drop four-letter words when I step on a plastic dinosaur in my bare feet. And, yes, I believe that God is present in that moment, too.

If Ive learned anything over the past five years, its that parenthood really is the ultimate spiritual workout. There is grace to be found in every skinned knee, in every sleepless night, and in every guileless baby smile. And though I still think fondly of the days when I savored those wide watercolor spaces of peaceful solitude, the truth is that these random moments of parenting can be our best spiritual teachers, if we train our souls to listen.