Stephen W. Smith - Soul Custody: Choosing to Care for the One and Only You

Dedication

This book is dedicated to the men and women who support the Potters Inn, a Christian ministry devoted to spiritual formation and the care of the soul. I stand on your shoulders, and you are the real foundation of everything we do, say, write, and offer! Thank you for walking into the initial risk and chaos with us as we sought to live out a dream, follow a vision, and offer our hearts to others on the journey. You have helped me take custody of my own soul by investing your love and resources into the ministry of Potters Inn. The effects of your love and support now extend throughout the world via this book.

With profound gratitude and all blessings,

Stephen W. Smith

Potters Inn

www.pottersinn.com

Contents

Acknowledgments

C. S. Lewis told us, We read to know that we are not alone. But when we write, it can sometimes feel very lonely. What is true is that many voices have spoken into this book over the years. This book may best be described as a volume of collective voices who have tried all the time, failed some of the time, and sometimes succeeded in taking custody of their own souls in the midst of turmoil, chaos, and opportunity. I hope it will be a helpful resource for you in your own journey.

These voices and souls have stood out to me and helped form the words when I did not know how to find them. My heartfelt thanks to Steve Forney, John and Denise Kapitan, David Sachsenmaier, Donovan Graham, Gloria Schwartz, Chuck and Kim Millsap, Russell and Kate Courtney, and Rebekah Ormord, my assistant, for loving me and caring for the themes of this book in significant ways.

I want to thank the David C. Cook team for embracing this book and the need for itand for shouldering it with me in every step! I love being a part of this publishing family, which is so creative, bold, and transforming. My editor, John Blase, is my companion in these themes. John, you have been extraordinarily patient and kind, and I have needed both patience and kindness. I like the way we work together! Eric and Elisa Stanford stepped into the chapters early on and helped me develop, shape, and transform my early thoughts into better thinking than I could do alone. Don Pape has become a cheerleader for this message and me, and for that Im grateful. Amy Kiechlin captured my message via the cover, and Im so very grateful for her artistic gifts! Kathy Helmers is my literary agent and companion on this publishing adventure. Thank you, Kathy, for your coaching and encouraging words!

No voice, no soul, no person can ever match that of my lifelong companion and wife, Gwen. Weve carved out these words together, though its my name on the cover. Im forever grateful and glad to call you my soul friend, spiritual director, and lover all in one soul. You are my anam cara! I am the most fortunate of all.

Soul Care

Healing the Violence Done to Your Soul

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs 14:12

The violence done us by others is often less painful than that which we do to ourselves.

Franois de La Rochefoucauld

Were in trouble. We need help. The American dream has turned into an all-too-real nightmare that sears our minds as we try to sleep. Life is not working as we think it should.

Look around you. Listen. You can feel it.

Its the violence.

News updates constantly inform us that our world is in trouble. Rates of domestic violence are up; gang violence is out of control in many communities; rates of sexual abuse against children are on the rise; substance and prescription drug abuse are rampant. We deadbolt our doors at night and sleep with security alarms set because we fear the violence, the possible harm. Were convinced it is crouching at our door.

Job-loss reports and economic peril have acted like napalm, vaporizing our dreams of a retired life on a sunny beach. I recently asked fifty business leaders, How many of you in this room are living with more fear today than at any other time in your life? Every single one of them raised a hand.

Technology has been both a blessing and a curse. For some of us, life has no meaning apart from Twitter and the Internet. We feel enslaved by our laptops and cant get along without them. Google brings instant information, but little inspiration. We are overwhelmed at the e-mails, voice mailseven the snail mail crammed into our physical mailboxes.

Uncertainty plagues our lives. Talk shows spin pseudo-optimism, and we momentarily believe that maybe its not all that bad. Deep down, though, we know it is.

And it is the deep down that concerns me most. We cant sleep. We dont eat right. Were constantly on the go, burning the candle at both ends. Is it any wonder that eight of the top ten drugs prescribed by doctors are mood-altering substances to help us cope with our interior turmoil?

We are sowing havoc and reaping the whirlwind. We are giving up ground that should never be surrendered. We are doing more but living less, making a living but not having a life. Some days it feels like nothing more than rearranging the deck chairs on the sinking Titanic of our lives.

Violence, all of it. It may not all be physical violence, but its still destructive to us and the lives wed like to live. The outer violence of the world rushes in and does its work on the inside, deep down in our souls.

Look inside. Do you see evidence of soul violence going on in there?

You dont have to answer me. I know you do. So do I.

We need help. Our very lives are in jeopardy. Is this hell on earth the only way to live until we die? Annie Dillard, a writer, stops us in our tracks: How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. If Dillard is right (and I believe she is), redeeming the day is more than just a slogan. We need our days to improve so that our lives can improve.

Cant we be saved from more than just our sins?

The wonderful news is that this salvation does exist. God never intended for us to suffer the kind of violence thats being inflicted upon us. He never intended for us to inflict more violence upon ourselves through our own poor decision making. God provides means for us to be healed from the damage done. The kinds of choices we must make to find healing and experience transformation fall under the umbrella of soul care.

I like to remember that the word care has its roots in a Latin word that means cure. As we learn to care for our souls, we will also find a sense of healing from the violence happening in and around us. Caring and curing go together.

Thomas Merton said, To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence. The choice is really not difficult to comprehend. We can either choose to succumb to the outer and inner violence that we are now living in or choose to live in a different wayright here and right now.

We can choose to care for our souls.

The Healing Way

Every single person who feels more dead than alive, more tired than energized, more burned-out than motivated, more unfulfilled than thriving is a soul in needa soul who needs to be cared for. The Chinese have two characters for the English word busyness, which they define as heart annihilation. Were killing ourselves with all of our busy, busy, busy. One of the reasons for the overwhelming amount of annihilation around us and in us is that the sin of busyness is very subtle. Its a subtle sin because busyness is validated, applauded, and affirmed everywhereand sometimes especially among Christians.