Jackie M. Johnson - When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty: What You Need to Know about Your New Beginning

When
Love Ends
and the Ice Cream Carton Is Empty

What You Need to Know about
Your New Beginning

Jackie M. Johnson

M OODY P UBLISHERS
C HICAGO

2010 by
J ACKIE M. J OHNSON

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked MSG or The Message are taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

The names of the people in the stories listed in this book have been changed.

Editor: Jocelyn Green
Interior Design: Ragont Design
Cover and Image Design: John Hamilton Design

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Johnson, Jackie M.
When love ends and the ice cream carton is empty : what you need to know about your new beginning / Jackie M . Johnson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8024-8352-2
1. Single womenReligious life. 2. Rejection (Psychology)Religious
aspectsChristianity. 3. Dating (Social customs)Religious
aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4596.S5J23 2010
248.8'432dc22

2009053297

This book is printed on acid free recycled paper containing 30% PCW (Post Consumer Waste) and manufactured in the United States of America by Versa Press.

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Also by Jackie M. Johnson

Power Prayers for Women

This book is dedicated
to those who have the courage to believe
that God redeems loss and pain
and heals the heart to love again.

Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

Micah 7:8

Breakups are hard. Whether youre trying to get over someone who left or youre the one leaving, breakups are messy, complicated, and often devastatingly difficult. Thats because were designed for attachment and connection, not separation and disconnection. Yet, for many singles, our dating lives are a series of hellos and good-byesattaching and detachingfrom our teenage years until we stand at the altar (or dont). We date and break up, date and break up in a crazy-making cycle. Often, people who marry and divorce find themselves back in the same pattern, too.

Whether you dated briefly or for a long time, the loss of love can be shattering. Your mind swirls with questions: What did I do wrong? Why did he leave? Arent I worth being loved well? What if I never find anyone like him again? What if I never find anyone again?

One day youre sad, the next day youre angry, and suddenly youre just numb; you dont feel anything because it just hurts too much to feel. Maybe you feel rejected, betrayed, or brokenhearted. If youre the one who left him, you may be suffering guilt and shame. Either way, you just want the pain to stop. You want healing and you want answers.

Is it possible to get through this fragmenting process without falling to pieces?

Yes. Thankfully, yes.

If youve just broken up from a dating relationship, or are still in the process, When Love Ends is an excellent resource. It provides encouragement and hope along with biblical insight and practical help to get you out of the darkness and back into the light of a brighter future.

Every story has a beginning and an end. This book begins with an ending, the heart sunset of your fading relationship, and it ends with a fresh start in the land of new beginnings.

When Love Ends is an integral part of your healing journey. In this four-part book, youll follow the cycle of a day, from darkness to light, as an analogy that parallels the healing process.

Twilight is a time of endings. The sun and the relationship are both disappearing, and you learn that, sadly, loss and brokenness are a part of life. Yet how you deal with endings, how you handle the emotional fallout of your breakup, in healthy or unhealthy ways, will determine the quality of your future love relationshipsand your life.

Night is about healing emotional pain. Youve lost love, friendship, physical touch, and the hope of being with this person forever. You seem to have misplaced your worth and value, and your self-esteem is in hiding. Repairing heartache comes as you learn to process your emotions and discover some essential keys to healing the hurt. With the night lights God provides during lifes dark times, like His comfort, wisdom, and unconditional love, you are well on your way toward the daylight of joy.

As the first fingers of morning inch across the horizon, the light of Dawn awakens hope. You begin to understand more about Gods character and how He redeems losses and restores brokenness. Illumination brings restoration, and as you discover your true identity as a dearly loved child of God, you gain greater confidence and learn to make wiser choices in love.

Finally Day breaks and you find that letting go of the past is truly possible. Its time to move forward into your future. As the suns rays shine into the dark corners of your life, you reawaken to important things youve forgotten or put aside, like: gratitude, serving others, building friendships and community, and maybe even living your dreams. With renewed vision, you are no longer hiding in the shadows of yesterday. Radiance has returned, and with the light of Christ in you, you are ready to be a light to the world.

One of the most important things you will encounter on your expedition from breaking up to beginning again is learning to grieveto process emotions, not avoid them, stuff them, or handle them in unhealthy or destructive ways. Doing so is essential to moving forward.

In fact, unresolved grief blocks our emotions from being heart-healthy in the area of relationships. When you deal with emotional wounds and let God heal them, you can be better equipped to find the healthy and lasting love you truly desire.