Martha Woodroof - How to Stop Screwing Up: Twelve Steps to a Real Life and a Pretty Good Time

Copyright 2007

by Martha Woodroof

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this work in any form whatsoever, without permission in writing from the publisher, except for brief passages in connection with a review.

Cover design by Bookwrights Design

The Twelve Steps are reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (A.A.W.S.) Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that A.A.W.S. has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that A.A.W.S. necessarily agrees with the views expressed herein. A.A. is a program of recovery from alcoholism onlyuse of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, or in any other non-A.A. context, does not imply otherwise.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Woodroof, Martha, 1947

How to stop screwing up : when you hit the wall : twelve steps to a real life and a pretty good time I Martha Woodroof.

p. cm.

Summary: Woodroof's account of using the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to deal with her addictions and stop screwing up her life in other ways, as well. Woodroof creates her own Twelve Steps, a workable guide for anyone wishing to replace a bad habit with a good one, without any reliance on public disclosure or the dogma of religion Provided by publisher.

ISBN 978-1-57174-536-1 (5.5 8.5 tp : alk. paper)

I. Habit breaking. 2. Twelve-step programs. I. Title.

BF337.B74W66 2006

158dc22

2006101600

ISBN 978-1-57174-536-1

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Printed on acid-free paper in the United States

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To Lizzie and Charlie

I hope you will not misunderstand what I am going to say.

I am not preaching, and Heaven knows I do not pretend to be better than anyone else.

C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I am what I am...

Popeye

Defining the Problem The Twelve Steps for the Rest of Us Twelve Steps for Dealing with General Screwups

Step One. I will accept that my screwups are hurting me and other people, but I am powerless to stop doing them.

What's So Hot about Being Powerless? How I Got to Step One Inner Peace, Where Are You? What Does Inner Peace Feel Like? Johnny Bouncing Off the Bottom One Giant Step for Martha Try a Little Powerlessness The Kick Start

Step Two. I will recognize that my brain and willpower are not the only weapons I have available to deal with my screwups. I accept that there is an unfathomable power greater than myself that can help me, but I do not have to call this power God.

Meeting God as Alice The Long and Winding Road to Alice Groping My Way toward the Light My First Prayer Crawling from Screwups to Alice The Past, as Seen from the Present Revisiting Your Own Spiritual History Making the Leap Fake It 'til You Make It The Kick Start

Step Three. I will willingly rely on whatever I choose to call the God of my understanding.

Some Comforting Semantics A Word about Justification Enter Alice What Can You Expect from This Alliance? Taking on a Working Faith in Alice How to Finish Step Three The Kick Start

Step Four. I will honestly and fearlessly take a close look at myself.

Taking a Whole-istic Approach What Didn't Work, and What Did So What, Exactly, Was the Difference? Getting to Know Me The Mechanics of My Step Four No Performance Anxiety Allowed! Keep It Simple One More Story The Kick Start

Step Five. I will face my mistakes. Without deception or making excuses, I will admit them to myself, the God of my understanding, and another person.

Another Humbling Revelation Coming Out of Hiding The Fine Print Getting to Work About Trust We Aim for Progress, Not Perfection Your Turn Blabbing Your Way to Peace of Mind The Kick Start

Step Six. I will be truly willing to change. I will recognize that change, even for the good, is not comfortable, but that feeling uncomfortable is no excuse to keep screwing up.

What's the Point of All This? Thaumaturgy, or the Performance of Miracles A Short Story of a Small Miracle Alice, Doing Her Thing My Part of the Process Back to Being Willing to Change What to Expect The Kick Start

Step Seven. I will take a deep breath and ask to change with all my mind and heart.

A Progress Review Doing Our Part Slowing Down, Letting Go Pushing Hard, Then and Now Hanging On to Progress, Not Perfection Welcoming Serenity So What Exactly Am I Advocating? Not to Lose Sight of Those Screwups The Kick Start

Step Eight. I will make a list of the people I've harmed and willingly accept that, for my own peace of mind, I need to make amends to each of them.

Preparing My Amends List Taking on the Twerps Dumpster-Diving in Our Own Histories What I Actually Did Yet Another List What's the Pay-Off? The Kick Start

Step Nine. I will make whatever amends I can to those I've injured without doing further damage to anyone.

A New Kind of Thinking What to Do, Exactly Sometimes All It Takes Is Saying, I'm Sorry Keeping Life Simple Another Cautionary Word What's the Pay-Off for Making Amends? The Kick Start

Step Ten. I will fearlessly take a daily look at my thoughts and behavior. When I realize I've goofed up, I will promptly admit it.

The Story of One Time I Backslud The Devil's in the Details (or Not) Fearless Pops up Again My Maternal Phobia Taking Our Best Shot at Complete Honesty Onward! The Kick Start

Step Eleven. I will develop the habit of staying in close touch with the God of my understanding.

About Fun Phoning Home So Where Are We? Living, Not Working So What Are We Supposed to Do? Doing Our Part The Kick Start

Step Twelve. I will commit myself to practice these principles in everything I do.

Hallelujah! Our Part in the Partnership My Own Step-Twelve Principles A Final Look Back Here's Looking at You, Kid About Happiness

One of life's perplexing challenges is that most of us have an awfully hard rime not doing all kinds of stupid things we know will make us unhappy. We eat too much. We lose our temper too often. We're addicted to all sorts of stimulating stuff. We tell too many fibs. In my days as a poster child for screwups, I binged on alcohol, took too many pills, had a samurai sword for a tongue when I got angry, and lied to myself a lot.

Of course, we've tried ro stop doing whatever it is that makes us feel bad. We've sworn to change our ways, and maybe we did, for a while. Yet the urge to screw up always comes back, as though we human beings are compelled to chip away ar our peace of mind with some kind of selfdestructive behavior.

There are already plenty of books dealing with how to stop smoking, overeating, shopping like there's no tomorrowwith whatever rhe specific screwy habit is rhat plagues you. This book is emphatically not one of those. Instead, rhis book is about dealing with rhe screwy urge behind the habit. It lays out a practical application of classic recovery principles, making them accessible to anyone who's doing something they'd like to stop.