Albert Haase - Soul Training with the Peace Prayer of Saint Francis

chapter one

Lord and Divine Master

I was sitting on the back porch with my morning cup of coffee. As I watched the dog sniff around the garden, a thought shot across my consciousness. Youve made enough money to last a lifetime and a half. Why dont you quit your job and consider using your computer skills and expertise to help inner city students? That could be a meaningful way to spend the next part of your life.I had no idea where this thought came from, and it caught me off guard. Ive always been intent on working hard and making money so I could enjoy a comfortable retirement. And the fact is: I really enjoy my job and am proud of my professional success. Ive also made some wise financial investments. So I didnt pay any attention to that thought. I just treated it like a distraction, like one of those thoughts that zips around your mind and then disappears.

I impulsively responded to my spiritual directee: That probably was a wise decision. You cant trust and follow every single thought or idea that comes out of nowhere and pops into your consciousness.

Well, thats not the end of the story, Blake continued, a flush creeping across his cheeks. That idea started turning up again and again whenever I would relax or didnt have to concentrate on something. I would be cooking a meal. I would be watching television. I would be taking a shower. And suddenly it would return. Quit the job. Use your computer skills to help inner city kids. The thought kept nagging me. The more I swatted it away, the more it would return. The more it returned, the more I realized again I have enough money for the future. I gradually lost interest in my professional success. Is God asking something of me? Jesus, is this really what you want me to do? After all, Father, as you know from the past few years, my greatest desire is to do Gods will and by his grace, become a saint.

Our spiritual direction session came to an end on that note. Though I didnt tell Blake, I suspected this thought was one of those passing fancies that we all experience from time to time when we think we should be doing something more for God or want to deepen our spiritual growth. Those fancies are often self-generated and not Spirit-guided.

Six weeks later, Blake was sitting across from me again. He likes to begin his spiritual direction sessions with prayer, so I invited him to get us started. His prayer was surprisingly short. Thank you, Lord. Let it be done to me according to your will.

Having been Blakes spiritual director for four years, I knew something was up. I smiled and asked, What was that all about?

I did it. I resigned from the firm. I still cant believe it, he said as he shook his head. I could have kept working there for the next fifteen years when I would be eligible for early retirement, but for what? What would be the point? I have more than enough to live on, thanks to my investments. Its time for me to look beyond myself. For some strange, inexplicable reason, my gut tells me that God is calling me to help disadvantaged kids with my computer skills. So if that is what God is asking of me, its time to give it a shot. I contacted Catholic Charities and they put me in touch with Go Up Higher, an organization that helps high school students from low-income families aim for college. Ive only been there for two weeks. I must say, Father, its a bit of a challenge. Its stretching me in ways Ive never been stretched before. But I think this is what God wants me to do. Odd, huh? Im so grateful to you for helping me respond to Gods call.

Now I felt a flush creeping across my cheeks. I hadnt done anything; if anything, I might have discouraged Blake from making the change. I stood in admiration of his valiant, selfless sacrifice in answer to what he thought was Gods invitation and call. Much to my embarrassment and shame, I quickly realized that I needed to follow Blakes lead and make God the Lord and Divine Master of my life.

A Crisis and Transition

Its natural for all of us to spend the first thirty to forty years of life getting ourselves established both personally and professionally. By age forty, many of us have already decided on the single or married life and whether to become a parent. Many of us also spend these years climbing the ladder of success in hopes of attaining financial security and recognition in our careers. The centripetal force that Brother Angelo spoke about in this books introduction is operative: were focused on ourselves, our wishes and wants, and perhaps on the dream of making a mark and leaving a legacy.

These years also are governed by the personality props we think we need in order to be happy. Personality props are those external things that we lean on and that help define our self-worth and self-image: things like power, prestige, possessions, popularity, pleasure, and praise. Though there is nothing inherently wrong with such propsthey enhance our emotional health and well-beingsome people lean heavily on them and believe they cannot survive without them.

The reason why people lean heavily on the personality props and sometimes become obsessed with them is often rooted in a childhood trauma or deficiency: what they lacked or think they lacked in childhood becomes transformed into the adult personality prop. Follow a twenty-something or thirty-something on Facebook or Twitter, and youll quickly see how people enjoy postingand braggingabout their props. Those posts often betray an actual or perceived unmet childhood need.

Somewhere in our late twenties, thirties, or early forties, however, something begins to shift inside us. A dissatisfaction with life or a gnawing restlessness rears its head. We begin to suspect that the ladder weve been climbing might be against the wrong wall. The personality props that once captivated our attention lose their attraction and sparkle. This typically is referred to as the midlife crisis or the midlife transition; each term highlights an important aspect of this experience.

As a crisis, everything is up for grabs as we grapple with the proverbial question, Is this all there is to life? We second-guess the decisions we so clearly and easily made years before. We become discontent with the lifestyle that once provided happiness. We become bored with the people who once held our interest and maybe even our hearts. We wonder where our life is going.

Sadly, some people in midlife remain stuck in this crisis mode. They turn in on themselves and make rash decisions that only exacerbate the emotional struggle they are experiencing. Margaret walked away from twenty-two years of marriage to pursue a relationship with a coworker that lasted only two years. Philip was devastated when the excitement of buying a motorcycle for himself quickly wore off, and he found himself restless again. Some people are held captive by the centripetal force of the ego and the attachment and lure of the personality props.

As a transition, midlife can gradually shift the operative force in our lives from the centripetal to the centrifugal: we stretch and look beyond ourselvesto God and others. We start volunteering at a food pantry, church, or after-school tutorial program. For some of us, this is the time when we first become personally invested in the spiritual life. Though he had had an earlier interest in the spiritual life, it was only in his mid-forties that Blake started a serious regimen of training his soul for the long haul.

Francis of Assisi

Of course, this doesnt always happen in our third or fourth decade. It can happen earlier thanks to the gratuity of Gods grace. One of the biographies of Saint Francis suggests just this. According to an early biographer, Francis was only twenty years old when the chivalric spirit captivated and consumed him. He yearned to become a famous, accomplished knight. Signing up for Assisis battle with the neighboring town of Perugia, he fought in combat near what is now known as the town of Collestrada. Francis was taken prisoner and would be confined to a dungeon for about a year before his father ransomed him.