Cindi McMenamin - Women on the Edge: Turning Desperate Times Into Desire for God

Women on
the
Edge

Cindy McMenamin

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIVBIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Verses marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Verses marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Verses marked CEV are taken from the Contemporary English Version 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used with permission.

Verses marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Italicized text in Scripture quotations indicate authors emphasis.

Cover photo Stellapictures/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images

Cover by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota

WOMEN ON THE EDGE
Copyright 2010 by Cindi McMenamin
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McMenamin, Cindi, 1965
Women on the edge / Cindi McMenamin.

p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7369-2652-2 (pbk.)
1. Christian womenReligious life. 2. Desire for God. I. Title.
BV4527.M3355 2010
248.843dc22

2009047448

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 / BP-SK / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For every woman who has ever felt like she was on the edge.

Ive been there.

And so has the Lover of your soul.

You, LORD, are all I want!

You are my choice, and you keep me safe.

You make my life pleasant, and my future is bright.

PSALM 16:5-6 CEV

Acknowledgments

My heartfelt thanks to:

My husband, Hugh, and daughter, Dana, for their patience and unconditional love for a wife and mother who many times seems on the edge.

My friend Chris, for bringing light and hope to this book through her beautiful testimony.

My friend Ashley, for laughing with me and encouraging me to keep writing whenever I was feeling on the edge.

My friend and sister in ministry, Kelly Bell, for encouraging me to write for women who feel desperate.

My friend Patti, whose new relationship with Jesus reminds me once again of the joys of discovering Him and what it means to be desperate for God.

My speaking audiences and readersacross the nation and overseaswho have poured out their hearts in sharing their stories, frustrations, insights, and joys about what it truly means to be women on the edge.

And above all, Im grateful to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for showing great kindness when I was like a city under attack (Psalm 31:21 CEV).

Contents

Part One:
Surviving on the Edge:
Desperations That Can Devastate

Part Two:
Thriving on the Edge:
Desperations That Can Liberate

I will praise you, LORD, for showing great kindness

when I was like a city under attack.

PSALM 31:21 CEV

S hari felt like a city under attack.

Her two teenagers showed little respect for her in their words and actions. And her husband, after 22 years of marriage, still seemed to side with the kids. She felt unappreciated, unsupported, disrespected, extremely frustrated. Shari was on the edge.

I cant live this way anymore, she told herself aloud as she drove home from work. She had had enough. She was tired of the tension that awaited her at home, weary of the battles, discouraged by her failed attempts to talk about her frustrations and convinced they would continue to fall on deaf ears. She desperately wanted to run. She desperately wanted to change her situation, but didnt know how. She needed to talk, but felt no one would understand. Deep in her heart she loved her family, yet she feltin that momentthat she never wanted to see them again.

As she neared her home, she relived the pain and frustration of a conflict the night before. Mentally planning her escape, she arrived at home, intending to pack her bags and go wherever the road took her.

Upon arriving at the house, Shari went into her bedroom and began to pack. Her mind was swirling. She could barely think straight. She was so weary of unresolved conflict. A lump formed in her throat at the thought of really leaving. This is wrong, a voice in her head whispered. But to stay miserable is okay? she questioned herself, aloud.

Just make them miss you for awhile so theyll rethink how theyve beentreating you, she thought. But this was not who she wanted to be. Shari crumpled to the floor and began to cry.

I want to leave, God! she shouted. But I have nowhere to go. I love them, but I cant live with them any longer!

Shari had finally arrived at the crossroadsthe place where lifes expectations and lifes reality crash together painfully. A place where the pain seems overwhelming and the road of escape seems to promise relief. A place where she is truly on the edge of making either a wise or foolish decision. She had a choice: She could follow her desires toward destruction or toward a destiny of delight.

Such crossroads are nothing new. God gave this instruction to His people centuries ago:

Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths,

ask where the good way is, and walk in it,

and you will find rest for your souls (Jeremiah 6:16).

Shari needed to know where the good way is and she needed the strength to walk in it. She took a deep breath and asked one of the most important questions a woman can ask when she is teetering on the edge: God, what do You want me to do?

After a good cry on the floor, Shari picked herself up and pleaded with God to change her heart.

God, give me a discerning heart to know how to talk to my teenagersto know how to unconditionally love them, not so theywill take advantage of me, but so they will be convicted by theirbehavior and learn to love unconditionally as well.

God, give me discernment to view my husbands actions so Iwill see the best in him, not the worst. Show me what hes doingright so that I will not always focus on his failures as a dad andhusband.

God, change me so I will behave in such a way that I draw outloving responses from the rest of my family.

With Sharis prayer came not immediate results, but immediate peace. She began to trust that the One who is bigger, stronger, and much more powerful than her could work out this situation and walk her calmly away from the edge to a spacious place of love and grace.

Upon arriving at the crossroads (and while she was packing her bags), Shari believed she was choosing survival and sanity over continued pain and frustration. But Shari may not have realized that two paths were looming before herthe path of following her own desires (for change, fulfillment, peace, happiness), which would eventually lead to her demise (feelings of abandonment and betrayal from her husband and children, isolation, possibly divorce), or the path of obedience to God by asking what