Ken Nair - Discovering the Mind of a Woman: The Key to Becoming a Strong and Irresistable Husband is...

Copyright 1995 by Ken Nair

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers, and distributed in Canada by Word Communications, Ltd., Richmond, British Columbia.

Unless otherwise indicated, the Bible version used in this publication is THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Scripture quotations noted NASB are from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations noted KJV are from The King James Version of the Holy Bible.

Scripture quotations noted AMPLIFIED are from The Amplified Bible: Old Testament, copyright 1962, 1964 by Zondervan Publishing House (used by permission) and from The Amplified New Testament, copyright 1958 by the Lockman Foundation (used by permission).

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4185-1346-7 (eBook)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Nair, Ken, 1936

Discovering the mind of a woman / Ken Nair, with Leslie H. Stobbe.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7852-7811-5 (pbk.)

1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Interpersonal relationsReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. WivesPsychology.

I. Stobbe, Leslie H. II. Title.

BT706.N35 1995

248.8'425dc20

95-21445

CIP

37 QG 10

CONTENTS

A confrontation with my wife dramatically changed how I perceived our relationship.

The stories of five men whose marriages were restored after their alienated wives had left them. Positive proof that Christlike men can win back wives.

Four male prejudices about women that cloud the minds of most men and prevent them from discovering the mind of a woman.

Six qualities that endear men to their wivesand help a man discover the mind of his wife and regain her loveeven after a divorce is final.

Mens defensive postures fuel denial and impede progress in the husband-wife relationship, even among seemingly spiritual men.

Common negative attitudes and emotional, spiritual, and physical ailments of wives that should ring a husbands alarm belland that a husband aspiring to Christlikeness can heal.

How even bottom-line men can become sensitive toand learn to readtheir wives emotional and mental makeup.

How to care for your wife in a way that makes submission a nonissue. Includes a timeline for a marriage with an uncaring husband and five symptoms of the uncared-for wife.

Jealousy? Thats her problemor is it? Defusing the jealousy time bomb in your marriage.

Men usually act as though their own character is a nonissue in marriage. But to wives, character is the big issue.

Six indicators of unsolved communication problems, plus secrets to listening in ways totally foreign to most men.

Why men and women see things so differently. How to begin to hear more than just what your wife is saying.

What most men and women dont know about a womans sex driveand how a new attitude can renew intimacy.

Astonishing stories reveal how Christlikeness learned from ones wife affects relationships as manager, pastor, law partner, teacher, within the family with in-laws and children.

Perseverance in developing Christlike attitudes and behavior is the acid test of sincerity. And our wives are the first to notice. The goal is genuine Christlikenessand a marriage truly made in heaven.

I am glad for this book. After fifty-five years of Christian marriage, I find thoughts here that will help me be more thoughtful of my wifes needs. It has helped me understand why and how she thinks differently than I do about so many things.

A husband, as this book points out, is to live with and love his wife with understanding. So the Bible teaches. And here is important help in achieving that understanding. This change in a husband and the consequent response by a wife can result in life-changing home life, and together radiate to many others, for the glory of Christ.

Kenneth N. Taylor

Translator of The Living Bible

I f you are a man over forty-five, you might identify with me (and a lot under forty-five may as well!). I was the kind of husband who believed that I loved my wife, but I also believed that her role was to make life beneficial for me.

Even though we were both working, when I came home weary with office stress and ready for refreshment, my wife was supposed to be there for me. She was always supposed to provide encouragement, an opportunity to relax, and a hassle-free home environment.

When I look back, Im embarrassed because I thought I was an excellent example of a good husband. I was not guilty of gross immorality, of severe physical or mental abuse. In spite of my selfishness, my wife loved me and genuinely supported me. In fact, some people thought we had a model marriage that could be used to illustrate what a Christian marriage was like.

I didnt ask the Lord what He thought of our marriage. It never dawned on me to ask Nancy how she felt about it. And because she had such a gentle disposition, she never raised a big stink. So I assumed the Lord must be pleased with my efforts as well.

What I didnt realize was that our marriage was a parody of what God really wanted for us. It was based on misconceptions passed down from generation to generation in the Christian churchliberally influenced by concepts gained through the secular media.

The Lord in His mercy saw fit to shake me up, to destroy my Christian complacency. He wanted me to learn three major biblical concepts absolutely vital to a truly successful marriageconcepts that were not even on the fringe of my understanding about marriage, but whose implementation totally changed my marriage over time.

A CASE OF COLLUSION

When God set out to intervene in how I was behaving toward Nancy, He built a brick wall, and I ran headlong into it. The brick wall resulted from collusion between God, my wife, and my boss. Heres how it happened.

The leaders of a nationally known Christian organization saw that my dedication to their ministry was unlimited (in retrospect, that alone should have been a hint of a problem). So they invited me to join their staff in December 1970. I considered it a most enviable opportunity, for I knew many men had dreamed of working for this organizationand I was the one who had been invited.

My wife will be the first to admit that she was also excited about this special privilege. After all, she, too, was committed to my commitment to Christian service. So we packed our household furnishings into a moving van and left for our destination in a suburb of Chicago. Since we flew, we arrived several weeks sooner than our furniture did.

We had been in our barren house for three weeks when the leaders of the organization announced a multiday staff retreat several hundred miles away. I was delighted to have a chance for more intensive interaction with other staff members and leaders.

Nancy was not the least bit excited about my news, so she tried to influence my decision to go with some news of her own. The movers had called and informed her that our furniture was about to arrive. And its arrival just happened to be scheduled for the very day we as staff were to leave for the retreat. Not only was she unaccustomed to having her husband away for several days; she was not at all enthused about having to oversee the unloading of a truck full of household furniture and goods. Nor was she thrilled about trying to get the house organized with two young children underfoot and no husband to help.