Thomas - Loving Him Well: Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband

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1. PART 1:
   YOUR MARRIAGE MAKEOVER BEGINS WITH YOU
2. PART 2:
   CREATING THE CLIMATE FOR CHANGE
3. PART 3:
   CONFRONTING HER MOST COMMON CONCERNS

To Drs. Steve and Rebecca Wilke

The pleasantness of a friend
springs from their heartfelt advice.

Proverbs 27:9

ZONDERVAN

Loving Him Well

Copyright 2006, 2018 by Gary L. Thomas

Previously published as Sacred Influence

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

ISBN 978-0-310-34190-1 (ebook)

Epub Edition January 2018 ISBN 9780310341901

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Thomas, Gary (Gary Lee), author.

Title: Loving him well : practical advice on influencing your husband / Gary Thomas.

Other titles: Sacred influence

Description: Grand Rapids, Michigan : Zondervan, [2017] | Previously published in 2006 as Sacred Influence. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017029419 | ISBN 9780310341888 (softcover)

Subjects: LCSH: WivesReligious life. | Influence (Psychology)Religious aspectsChristianity. | HusbandsPsychology. | MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity.

Classification: LCC BV4528.15 .T56 2017 | DDC 248.8/435dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017029419

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.Zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Any internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals who appear in some of the stories included in this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Published in association with Yates & Yates, www.yates2.com.

Cover photo: Daniel Grizelj / Getty Images

Interior design: Kait Lamphere

First printing December 2017 / Printed in the United States of America

T here are so many people to thank.

First, thank you to those who agreed to let your stories inspire others. Many of you chose to remain anonymous, so Ill respect your privacy. You know who you are, and I am deeply grateful for the courage it took to unfold your lives for the benefit of others.

Second, my four therapists, who provided their expert analysis (and the specific, relevant education I lack in this regard) and helped shape this book accordingly: Dr. Melody Rhode, Leslie Vernick, Dr. Mitch Whitman, and Dr. Steve Wilke. Thank you for being so generous with your understanding and so patient with my lack of it.

Then to the readers. Donna Burgess, Cheryl Scruggs, Jo Franz, Lisa Fetters, Dina Horne, and Nicole Whitacre were so helpful for the first edition of this book. This new edition was greatly shaped by the additional comments of David and Megan Cox, Sheila Wray Gregoire, and additional comments from Dr. Melody Rhode and Leslie Vernick.

I especially want to thank Mary Kay Smith and Dr. Rebecca Wilke, who have both previewed several of my books. Thank you for loving me and this work in progress enough to speak the hard word when it needed to be spoken and for challenging me, consistently and persistently, to go deeper. You both are true friends.

None of the aforementioned may fully agree with all that is said in the book you now hold, but I believe everything is that much closer to the truthand much better saidbecause of their service.

I also want to thank John Sloan at Zondervan, who had his hands full trying to redirect an initially scattered manuscript. My appreciation goes to Dirk Buursma, for his word management and encouragement, as well as to David Morris, Tom Dean, Brandon Henderson, Robin Barnett, and the entire Zondervan team.

Many thanks also to Curtis Yates and Mike Salisbury at Yates & Yates, and to Alli Sepulveda at Second Baptist Church in Houston.

My wife has been no less than a saint throughout this ordeal. She has read, reread, and listened to me think out loud more than any wife should ever have to endure over a lifetime. She has done far more than merely influence this man; God has used her to reshape him. I love you, Lisa.

ALSO BY GARY THOMAS

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Devotions for a Sacred Marriage

Devotions for Sacred Parenting

Every Body Matters

The Glorious Pursuit

Holy Available (previously titled The Beautiful Fight)

A Lifelong Love

Pure Pleasure

Sacred Marriage

Sacred Marriage Gift Edition

Sacred Parenting

Sacred Pathways

The Sacred Search

Simply Sacred

Thirsting for God

Dear Readers,

Thanks for picking up my husbands book! I hope and pray that you will choose to read it. If youre like me, you have a pile of really good and helpful books waiting to be read, and sometimes its hard to prioritize them. I truly believe that Gary has something worthwhile to say in this book; I know your marriage will be blessed if you do read it.

Gary wrote this book partly in response to the many emails and questions received from women who had heard him speak or who had read his other books. He heard their frustration, pain, and sometimes anger at husbands who just didnt seem to be getting it. Because of this, he deals with real-life stuff, addressing issues that women like you and me are dealing with. He doesnt offer five easy steps that are guaranteed to transform your situation, but he tries to help women gain a better understanding of how men tick and catch a glimpse of the spiritual dynamics at work within their marriages. I hope youll see his brotherly love as he walks you through the process of your own marital journey.

Im often asked if Gary really lives what he writes, and my answer is always a resounding yes! Because he is a man of integrity, I can wholeheartedly recommend his books. And just in case youre wondering, yes, he did ask my permission to use every story involving me. It is our hope and prayer that our vulnerability will be used by God to bless others. Like any couple, we dont have a perfect marriage, but its a marriage I thank God for every day. I cant imagine another life, and if our journey can in any way inspire your own, Im pleased to share it with you. May you be encouraged.