Thomas - Sacred influence: what a man needs from his wife to be the husband she wants

Praise for Sacred Influence

God has given godly women a wonderful power to influence and encourage their husbands. Whats the secret? This book will provide challenges, examples, and hope to women who want to love their husbands well and be loved well in return.

Dennis Rainey, president, Family Life

When I first read this book, I was mortified that Gary Thomas had such insight about how a woman thinks and feels! But amazingly, he has similar insight into men, and he combines all this to share information that is truly profound. I highly recommend this book to every wife.

Linda Dillow, author of Creative Counterpart, coauthor of Intimate Issues

Do you want to know how to motivate your husband? Read this book! Gary writes honestly and with revelation that every wife desperately needs.

Lorraine Pintus, coauthor of Intimate Issues

You cant change your husband, but you can influence him. Thats the hope-filled message throughout Sacred Influence. Ive counseled thousands of women and found Garys straight talk about men and their needs insightful and challenging. I would recommend this book for any woman who desires a better marriage.

Judy Bodner, author of When Love Dies: How to Save a Hopeless Marriage

Books by Gary Thomas

Authentic Faith

Devotions for a Sacred Marriage

Devotions for Sacred Parenting

The Glorious Pursuit

Not the End but the Road

Sacred Influence

Sacred Marriage

Sacred Parenting

Sacred Pathways

Seeking the Face of God

To Drs. Steve and Rebecca Wilke.
The pleasantness of ones friend springs from his earnest counsel
(Proverbs 27:9).

ZONDERVAN

Sacred Influence
Copyright 2006 by Gary L. Thomas

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.

ePub Edition January 2009 ISBN:978-0-310-57044-8

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Thomas, Gary (Gary Lee)
Sacred influence : what a man needs from his wife to be the husband she wants / Gary L. Thomas.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN-13: 978-0-310-27768-2
1. Wives Religious life. 2. Influence (Psychology) Religious aspects Christianity. 3. Husbands Psychology. 4. Marriage Religious Aspects Christianity. I. Title.
BV4528.15.T56 2006
248.8'435 dc22

2005023927

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New InternationalVersion. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

07 08 09 10 11 12 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Contents

Understanding Who You Are in Christ

Becoming Strong Enough to Address Your Husbands
Functional Fixedness

How God Uses the Weaknesses of Others to Help Us Grow

Understanding a Mans Deepest Thirst

How You Can Learn to Appreciate an Imperfect Man

Embracing the High Call of Marriage

Focusing on Personal Responsibilities

Learning to Make Allowances for
Your Husbands Masculinity

The Power of a Persistent Pursuit

Self-Respect as a First Defense against Your Husbands Anger

Learning to Navigate through Your Husbands Anger

Helping Your Husband to Become More Involved at Home

How to Help Your Man Put Family First

Cementing Your Husbands Affections and
Protecting His Spiritual Integrity

Influencing a Nonbelieving or
Spiritually Immature Husband

From Lisa Thomas

Thanks for picking up this book! I hope and pray that you will choose to read it. If youre like me, you have a pile of really good and helpful books waiting to be read, and sometimes its hard to prioritize them. I truly believe that Gary has something worthwhile to say in this book; I know your marriage will be blessed if you do read it.

Gary wrote this book partly in response to the many emails and questions received from women who had heard him speak or who had read his other books. He heard their frustration, pain, and sometimes anger at husbands who just didnt seem to be getting it. Because of this, he deals with real-life stuff, addressing issues that women like you and me are dealing with. He doesnt offer five easy steps that are guaranteed to transform your situation, but he tries to help women gain a better understanding of how men tick and catch a glimpse of the spiritual dynamics at work within your marriage. I hope youll see his brotherly love as he walks you through the process of your own marital journey.

Im often asked if Gary really lives what he writes, and my answer is always a resounding yes! Because he is a man of integrity, I can wholeheartedly recommend his books. And just in case youre wondering, yes, he did ask my permission to use every story involving me. It is our hope and prayer that our vulnerability will be used by God to bless others. Like any couple, we dont have a perfect marriage, but its a marriage I thank God for every day. I cant imagine another life, and if our journey can, in any way, inspire your own, Im pleased to share it with you. May you be encouraged.

Enjoy!

Lisa Thomas

There are so many people to thank.

First, thank you to those who agreed to let your stories inspire others. Many of you chose to remain anonymous, so Ill respect your privacy. You know who you are, and I am deeply grateful for the courage it took to open up your lives for the benefit of others.

Second, my four therapists who provided their expert analysis (and the specific, relevant education I lack in this regard) and who helped shaped this book accordingly: Dr. Melody Rhode, Leslie Vernick, Dr. Mitch Whitman, and Dr. Steve Wilke. Thank you for being so generous with your understanding and patient with my lack of it.

Then to the readers: Donna Burgess, Cheryl Scruggs, Jo Franz, Lisa Fetters, Dina Horne (who actually read through an early draft in the waning days of her political campaign and just before she left town on a missions trip), and Nicole Whitacre. Bless you for your input, your encouragement, and the very helpful comments.

I especially want to thank Mary Kay Smith and Dr. Rebecca Wilke, who have both previewed several of my books. Thank you for loving me and this work in progress enough to speak the hard word when it needed to be spoken and for challenging me, consistently and persistently, to go deeper. You both are true friends.