Weiss - 30-Day Marriage Makeover

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30-DAY MARRIAGE MAKEOVER by Douglas Weiss
Published by Siloam
Charisma Media/Charisma House
600 Rinehart Road
Lake Mary, Florida 32746
www.charismahouse.com

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc., publishers. Used by permission.

The testimonies of individuals in this book are fictitious and created from composites of clients who share similar issues. Names and identifying information have been changed to protect confidentiality. Any similarity between the names and the stories of individuals described in this book and individuals known to readers is coincidental and not intentioned.

Cover design by Gearbox Studio
Design Director: Bill Johnson

Copyright 2011 by Douglas Weiss
All rights reserved

Visit the authors website at www.drdougweiss.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Weiss, Douglas.

30-day marriage makeover / Douglas Weiss.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-61638-140-0

1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. SpousesReligious life. I. Title.

BV4596.M3W453 2011

248.844dc22

2010041848

E-book ISBN: 978-1-61638-413-5

Portions of this book were previously published in Intimacy, ISBN 978-0-88419-767-6, copyright 2001, and The 7 Love Agreements, ISBN 978-1-59185-724-2, copyright 2005, both published by Siloam.

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Printed in the United States of America

G ENUINE INTIMACY is the cry of our nation. Many individuals search through multiple marriages trying to find the vital connection their souls long for. Still louder shouts the silence of the man or woman who has been married for decades and feels alone in that partnership. Many feel they have done everything right at home and with their spouses, yet there is little or no intimacy.

Far too many partners feel like roommatesas if they are just getting by emotionally. If fulfillment is promised, then why is it that few couples enjoy that impassioned connection? I dont think this is Gods plan for your marriage. He wants you to live the abundant life and to have a marriage full of joy and loveand this is what were going to accomplish these next thirty days. We are going to make your marriage over into what God has designed for you and your spouse.

I have lived in the laboratory of other peoples marriages for many years. In addition, I myself have journeyed from the inability to be intimate to a place of deep intimacy and great fulfillment with my wife, Lisa.

Early in my married life I had the feeling that I was surrounded by walls. I desperately wanted to step out from behind those walls but could not find a way to connect to my wife. God in His graciousness drew me into the field of marriage and family counseling, where I gained much understanding. Still, no one explained, These are the steps to intimacy: 1, 2, 3. The mystery of intimacy and the skills required to build and maintain it continued to elude meas it does for so many others in my field.

It is in the laboratory of real marriage, real crisis, real love, and genuine desire for intimacy that we will solve the mystery. Part of the solution can be discovered in a series of principles that can be applied daily. Ive counseled couples whose relationships were so distant that they had not enjoyed sex for more than a decade. When these same couples applied the principles in this book, within six weeks not only had they rekindled their sexual relationship, but also they actually started to like one other again for the first time in years.

Intimacy is really not a mystery at allit is a process. Intimacy is the fruit of being in this process. Allow me to explain it another way: Wealth is a process. You work. You save. Maybe you invest. But to those who follow the basic principles of wealth and apply them, regardless of how they feel about them, wealth happens to them. The same applies to your health. Under normal circumstances, the process of eating right and exercising keeps you healthy. Those who do what they want, eat what they want, or spend what they want often do not achieve optimal health or wealth.

The same is true with intimacy. Those who do what they want emotionally with their spouse do not achieve optimal intimacy. The following pages will guide you into the process and the practical application of intimacy. Since intimacy is a process, I strongly believe that after thirty days of applying these skills, your marriage will be made over into a dynamic and satisfying relationship with so many benefits that you will never want to abandon these principles of living and the deeply satisfying intimacy with your spouse that they can bringever!

I have practiced these exercises in my relationship with my wife. Lisa and I have been married for many years, and as we have applied these principles to our marriage, we have continued to grow closer and stronger together. I believe the greatest gift to our children is a strong, vibrant, and lovingly intimate marriage. I wouldnt ask you to do something that I dont practice myself. Throughout the years, these principles have given life to my wife, to many of my clients, and to me. As you practice the power of intimacy, I pray that you and your partner will experience the abundant life that Jesus has promised each of you in your most intimate relationshipyour marriage.

BEGINNING YOUR THIRTY DAYS

The next thirty days can breathe life back into your marriage, but you must work at it. Determine to spend this time mastering the basic skills necessary to enjoy satisfying and enduring intimacy with your spouse.

With Christian growth, those who pray, soak themselves in Scripture, have regular fellowship, and obey the Holy Spirit of God will enjoy intimacy with the Father. Disciplines are the structures of life breathed into us. This truth applies to intimacy in marriage too.

As you and your spouse take the next thirty days to commit to behaviors that support intimacy, your marriage can be completely transformed and made newno matter what state it is in right now.

These thirty days are designed for the long haul. Remember, you are developing a marathon runners mentality, not a sprinters. So please take this next month seriously and discipline yourselves for the long haul. Happy training as you begin the happiest journey of your lifeintimacy with your spouse.

During these thirty days you will begin to make over four key parts of a healthy marriagespiritual, emotional, sexual, and making it all last for a lifetime. What I want you to do to make these thirty days count is buy a new notebook or journal that you both can name Our Thirty-Day Marriage Makeover. You will use this notebook to interact with the daily and weekly feedback questions asked throughout this book. So at the end of each day you will record your daily progress and make notes along the way in your thirty-day notebook or journal. At the end of each week you will assess your progress for the week.