Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau - A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying Gods Gift of Sexual Intimacy

A Celebration of Sex

Copyright 2002 by Douglas E. Rosenau

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher in order to reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

PUBLISHERS NOTE: This book is intended for general information only and is not intended to supplant advice, diagnosis, treatment, or therapy by a personal physician or professional counselor.

Scripture quotations noted NKJV are taken from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society, used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Illustrations by Alan Tiegreen.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rosenau, Douglas.

A celebration of sex / Douglas E. Rosenau.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 10: 0-7852-6467-1

ISBN 13: 978-0-7852-6467-5

1. Sex in marriage. 2. SexReligious aspects. I. Title.

HQ31.R8425 1994

306.7dc20

93-32904

CIP

Printed in the United States of America

07 08 09 10 11 VIC 15 14 13 12 11

TO MY WIFE,
CATHERINE

How affirming to be adored

How invaluable to be supported

How healing to be unconditionally loved

How awesome to be erotically intimate

Without her this book could never have been created.

EVERYONE WANTS TO LOVE and be loved, to create passionate love relationships that reach deep into the soul and totally transform the individuals involved. Hollywood makes billions on this theme, but actually God is the author of this intimate desire. God is Love and humans are created in His very image to love. Nowhere is this more clearly revealed than through Gods grand metaphor for intimacy, that picture window into the heart of the Almightysexuality.

God created sexuality to reveal Himself, how He operates, and the value He places on intimate relatinga wonderful picture into the Almighty, who desires His human creation to understand what love is all about. So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them (Gen. 1:27 NKJV). With sexuality, God made two different types of relationships: the family and gender with brothers and sisters, fathers, mothers and children; and romantic marriage with erotic enjoyment and becoming one flesh. In both the gender and romantic modes, sexuality unveils Gods excitement over committed relationships and loving connection.

God has a fantastic formula for your sex life:

AN INTIMATE MARRIAGE + MATURE LOVERS = A FULFILLING SEX LIFE

If you want powerful techniques and easy answers, you may be disappointed in this book. Gods plan often involves time, effort, and difficult changes. It can be a wonderful journey if you are willing to take on this fun challenge of growing up into a skilled lover and learning to be truly intimate. Youll discover that sex is more about an exciting process and way of life than it is a simple acquisition of techniques.

In Gods design, sexual fulfillment and an intimate marriage can never be separated. He wove sexuality intricately into the fabric of marital companionship and created the concept of two becoming, literally, one flesh. A fun, trusting friendship precedes fulfilling sexual interaction. A great sex life will not ensure a great marriage because a loving companionship and a right relationship with God are the essentials. But, a great marital companionship can provide the foundation for fantastic lovemaking.

ESSENTIALS FOR AN INTIMATE MARRIAGE AND A GREAT SEX LIFE

If a good sex life is built on an intimate marital companionship, what are the vital factors of this companionship and how is it built? What are reasonable expectations of an intimate relationship, marriage, and a fulfilling sexual union?

A Dynamic, Covenant Partnership Must Be Formed

The Bible describes the beauty and complexity of the marital companionship that creates the context for lovemaking. The loving, intimate relationship of you and your spouse is modeled after the relationship of God and His chosen people. A mature marital partnership truly fashions itself after redemption, in that you die to yourself and let go of any self-protectiveness. A covenant is formed. Marriage is not a simple contract but a deep vow and promise.

You create a bonded partnership in which you submit your will for the good of your mate. You become naked, nurturing, and safe with each other. Love is patient... It is not rude, it is not self-seeking... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Cor. 13:45, 7 NIV). Your union is based on love, humility, gentleness, and trust.

Your trust is well founded because each of you reaches out and lovingly nurtures the other as carefully as you would watch out for your own body. In this union, you look honestly at your own rough edges and shortcomings and humbly try to change them. You choose to give as precious gifts the things that your mate desires and needs. It is a marvelous atmosphere for fun sexual relating and intimate connecting when this kind of tenderness, trust, genuine empathy, and cooperation abound.

I love the words nurture and connected, and I use them many times in this book. Great examples of nurturing are parents lovingly caring for their children or gardeners carefully watering and tending their plants. Mates lovingly nurture each other as well. You are connected with your mate in a way far more profound than the splicing together of two electric wires or the tying of two ropes. You are connected in a partnership that grows ever richer and deeper but takes constant attention and renewal. This is the concept of soul mates and of lovers cleaving together. Like steel being refined, a unique synthesis is created, and a profound connection is formed.

A wonderful synergistic dynamic can occur in marriage. The whole is much greater than the sum of its parts. Individuality, personal pleasure, and separate responsibility are not lost. In dying to self and becoming a one-flesh companion, each partner becomes stronger and achieves things that could not be accomplished alone. The two have the best of both worlds: they are a nurturing couple, and each flourishes as an individual. A totally unique and powerful partnership is created. From this unique relationship of marriage can come sexual enjoyment for both individuals, and as a couple. It will seem like one plus one equals four.

Reasonable, Biblical Expectations Must Be Incorporated

Most couples enter marriage with a variety of expectations about how it should be. Which of the following expectations did you bring into your marriage?

You would never fight.