Anthony A Hughes - What Your Parents Didn’t Tell You About Sex: An LDS Guide to Sexual Intimacy

What Your Parents Didnt

Tell You about Sex

An LDS Guide to Sexual Intimacy

DR. ANTHONY A. HUGHES PHD

Copyright 2015 Dr. Anthony A. Hughes, PhD, LMFT
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 1508608873
ISBN 13: 9781508608875
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015903157
CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
North Charleston, South Carolina

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Dr. Anthony A. Hughes holds a PhD in marriage and family therapy from Brigham Young University (BYU). He is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Utah. He is the owner of Covenant Sex Therapy, located in Provo and Sandy, Utah, and is actively involved in clinical work there. He mentors several therapists working at his practice. Dr. Hughes is a graduate and undergraduate faculty member at Argosy University and teaches courses about sex therapy and human sexuality. He has also taught a sex therapy course to graduate students studying therapy at Brigham Young University. He has supervised therapists providing therapy to clientele who deal with sexual issues. He has also been involved in scholastic writing for peer-reviewed journals, where several publications are pending. Dr. Hughes has guest lectured on various occasions at Brigham Young University and Utah Valley University. He has similarly presented at Brigham Young University and Argosy, where continuing education units have been offered for his lectures on sex therapy. He has lectured for family medicine residents as well. Additionally, Dr. Hughes has presented at national and state venues on the topic of sexuality.

Dr. Hughes is very involved in his family life and thinks of his family time as the highlight of his life. His wife is also a therapist, which adds to the fulfillment that he finds in this relationship. Besides his wife, his children are the light of his life. Dr. Hughes currently lives in Utah and enjoys doing anything active, such as basketball, snowboarding, wakeboarding, water-skiing, running, and yard work. Yes, yard work.

I am asked by most of my clients and those who know what I do for my career, Why did you decide to go into sex therapy? I feel it is important to answer this question so that you gain some insight into my interest in this field and into who I am. I grew up in Springville, Utah, where I was raised in a predominantly Latter-day Saints (LDS) community. I picked up pretty quickly that sexuality was not something that was freely discussed. Being a lifelong student of the human experience, I could see that this would most likely lead to issues in couples sexual relationships and their relationships as a whole. As I began studying the human experience on a scholastic level at Brigham Young University, I could see that the limited communication surrounding sexuality, as well as the general lack of sexual experience among fellow members of my faith, could and would very well lead to issues in sexual intimacynot to mention that the cards were already stacked against couples, as sex is one of the top reasons that couples get divorced both in conservative groups and in nonreligious or liberal populations. Upon beginning my clinical graduate work at Brigham Young University, I began to amass mounting evidence that what I had hypothesized, read, and heard from others was true. There is a large need among fellow members of my faith to address issues of sexuality. My ease in discussing sexual matters with my clients produced an ideal climate to discuss sexual dysfunctions and dissatisfactions. These experiences were the seeds of my career in sex therapy.

I want to start out this book by stating that the assignments herein will need to be filtered through your own personal views, beliefs, and standards. The longer I do work in this field, the more I see differences in the beliefs of members of our common faith. I by no means want you to think that you must do what is provided in this book, unless you feel your own desire to do so. I have only included those assignments that actual members of our faith have felt confident in performing. All othersand believe me, there are a lot of additional assignments in the sex therapy literature that have not been selected by members of our faithhave been left out.

As a therapist specializing in sex therapy within a conservative pocket of the world, I have had countless colleagues contact me looking for a book that they can refer to their clients that explicitly details sexual relationships, processes, and important nuances from an LDS gospelcentered approach. Colleagues and clients alike have found that the current literature written by LDS authors, while informative and vital, does not go into the sexual depth and explicit detail that their clients or they need. In part, this is why I have decided to embark on this quest. Because of the abundance of emotional and doctrine-based books written by LDS authors on the topic of marital sex, I will not cover to a large extent the emotional and doctrinal aspects of marital sex. Please visit my website, covenantsextherapy.com, which will direct you to these other well-written books on those topics.

This book is meant to be a quick read that will provide readers with all of the pertinent information that they need for satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationships with their spouses. Because of this, I will be direct and to the point. We are all adults and deserve straightforward talk. I wont drone on for an entire chapter just to make a single point. I know that, like my own, your lives are full of activities and events that pull you every which way. Therefore, each paragraph is filled with at least one significant concept, homework assignment, or teaching for the couple. These paragraphs, while diverse, will relate to their for example). The works contained in this book are a compilation of the very best research, theories, and therapeutic anecdotes. Please take the time to soak in each paragraph, as I have put in a lot of time making sure each is filled with important information.

There are several examples that I have included in this book to illustrate points or application of principles. None of what I have included will breach confidentiality. The names I use for the couples in therapy have been altered for this book. I am confident you will find these anecdotes helpful.

Before I jump in, I would like to tell you a few crucial things about me, other than my credentials. I love my work. I find great joy in my clients. I have an unshakable belief in the importance of helping couples have fulfilling sexual relationships. Lets get started.

Within this chapter, I will address my understanding of the LDS Churchs stance on marital sexuality, how cultural messages and interpretation can lead to sexual struggles, and shifts in thinking to answer disappointment and frustration. (As always, I have included a homework assignment at the end.) I want to begin by stating that my understanding concerning the LDS Churchs beliefs about sexual intimacy is that the LDS Church is in full support of a healthy and satisfying sex life between husband and wife. In fact, while I was writing this book, the LDS Church published a short article for family home evening, Sexual Intimacy Is Sacred and Beautiful. The church references Ephesians 5:31 and goes on to discuss how sexual intimacy in marriage is vital to discuss on an ongoing basis with our children and that our gospel teaches that sexuality is a powerful gift from our Father in Heaven. When I speak of the LDS culture, I am in no way referring to the beliefs, opinions, teachings, or doctrines of the LDS Church. The culture is developed by the members of the LDS Church, not by the leaders. Culture can be helpful, neutral, or hurtful.