John F. Westfall - I Didnt Sign Up for This: Finding Hope When Everything Is Going Wrong

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

G. K. Chesterton

W here did my life go wrong? Did it just sort of meander off track until I got stuck in the proverbial mud? Or was everything going great until someone or something caused me to crash and burn? I dont know, but however I got here, Im sure of two things: this is not the way I thought my life would be, and I didnt sign up for this.

Do you ever get to the point where you know if there is just one more setback you might lose it? I think back on times when I just wanted to pound the table in frustration because nothing seemed to work out the way I hoped. There are times in our lives when we can try to make good decisions, be responsible, take action, put things right, make amends, and choose wisely. Yet all our efforts and well-meaning intentions dont seem to make any difference.

The other night I was feeling nostalgic and I like old movies, so I started to watch The Fugitive . One of my favorite scenes involves a train that collides with a bus transporting prisoners and suddenly goes off the rails. First the engine, then one train car after another crashes and smashes as the train breaks apart, destroying everything in its way. In the movie, the crash lasts only a few seconds, but it seems to go on and on. Just when I think the crash cant get worse, it does, as more train cars smash into the pile of wreckage.

The films portrayal of the train wreck got me thinking about some painful experiences that had left me feeling as if I had experienced a personal train wreck deep inside. These feelings come when, unexpectedly, our lives derail and we find ourselves in a seemingly never-ending deluge of problems, pain, and personal disasters.

In business and science, this situation is often referred to as the cascade effect. One small and seemingly insignificant thing occurs that triggers something else, which brings about still more responses until we find ourselves cascading like a waterfall toward the rocks below.

As I was eating lunch with a friend I hadnt seen in several years, I listened to him share some of the personal journey he had been on. The last time we had been together, honestly, I had been a little jealous. He was a great person. He was handsome and fita natural athlete with a beautiful wife and three marvelous kids. His business was thriving, giving him stock options and money that were far beyond my dreams. He had a growing faith in Jesus and was active in community and church events. To me, it seemed he had it all. What could possibly go wrong?

While I ate my Reuben sandwich, he shared some of his own cascade effect. He talked of choices that were bad, mistakes that were costly, and regrets that still haunted him. Investments that went sideways cost him a lot of the money. He told how pride caused him to drift away from his faith and how he began to pull away from people who cared for him. While the cancer diagnosis he received helped him refocus, it probably wasnt going to be enough to save his marriage, as his wife announced she didnt want to be married to him any longer.

Now he faced the reality of trying to reestablish his career, be a single parent, and battle the disease that was growing in his body. All without the love and support of the wife he hoped wouldnt leave. Suddenly, he pounded his fists on the table and exclaimed, I dont want this! I dont want this!