Stefani Weatherford - The Sparkle of His Eye the: Discovering Beauty in the Broken

2019 Stefani A. Weatherford

The Sparkle of His Eye

Discovering Beauty in the Broken

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019910015

ISBN 978-1-400325665 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-400325672 (eBook)

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...

I dont usually remember my dreams, but occasionally Ill have one that leaves an impression. Usually its the scary ones where I wake up in a panic and am thankful when I realize it was just a dream. But on this particular evening, I had a funny dream. I think I may have even laughed myself awake. All I remember is that I was in a room full of family and friends, and I had just shared the news that I had gotten engaged. Im not even sure whom my fianc was, but I had a bright, sparkly ring on my finger, and they gasped in shock at the news.

I started cracking up at their response and just remember muttering through my laughter, Thats so funny you guys are so surprised someone wants to marry me again! I realize now as I write that, it is more sad than funny that my mind would immediately interpret their gasp negatively rather than them being happy for me. If Im being completely honest, it does cross my mind that people probably wonder whats wrong with me that Ive been single this long since my divorce. When I get in that mindset, it hurts deeply. Every woman wants to feel like she is wanted, loved and enough. Its hard to feel those things when years go by and youre still alone.

I woke up about midnight and couldnt shake that dream. The words Twinkle, Twinkle stuck in my mind. I knew I always wanted to write a book one day to bring purpose to my pain, but I didnt understand what those two words had to do with any of it.

Then my mind flashed to the ring. One of the things I loved most about my ring was how sparkly it was. Often the twinkle of the light reflecting off the diamond just right would catch my attention. I realize when I start these next few sentences, you might think Im superficial, but hear me out

One of the hardest parts of divorce for me was taking off my ring. When I got married, I thought I could cross that off my bucket list. I thought I was done with the searching and waiting phase and was excited to have my person to grow old with. He had chosen me. We were a family. And families are foreveror at least I thought they were.

It turns out, he made it seem as if I was easily replaced. One time I asked him what she had that I didnt and in one word he disqualified all of the years I tried to be the best wife I could be. He looked me straight in the face and said, Everything.

Everything.

That encompasses so much. He didnt just list a few good qualities she had that he preferred or even the things about me hed wish Id change. In that moment, in his mind, she was everything to him that I wasnt.

The most miserable six months of my life were living with a man who loved another woman. No matter how hard I tried or fought for our marriage, he was already gone. His heart was taken. Snatched right out of my grasp without me getting a say. No matter how many hours we spent in counseling or talking through our issues, no matter how many tears I cried, I couldnt win him back.

The day I took off my ring was Divorce Day for me. I didnt need a judge to make it official. The choice was already made, and it wasnt me. As I slid my ring off of my finger, reality set in. My for better or worse became less than seven years. My happily ever after was given to someone else. I was replaced. I wasnt enough.

The diamond itself was beautiful, and yes, it made me smile when I admired it, but it was what it symbolized that meant the world to me. It meant I was taken. I was chosen by someone who wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. Out of all of the girlfriends, I made the cut and advanced to wife material. I was loved. I was enough.

Since I no longer had the sparkle on my finger, I had to find it inside of myself. I was a wreck emotionally, and it was starting to affect me physically. I knew I couldnt live that way. I needed to do something, but I wasnt quite sure what. And so my journey began, and in time, I pieced together seven key elements that I needed in order to be able to shine again.

I pray that youll take this journey with me with an open heart and open mind. Whether youve gone through a divorce or another kind of heart break, my hope is that you will find something that speaks to your heart and inspires you to not just survive but to live life to the fullest.

At the end of each section, there are questions to consider. I encourage you to find a small group to journey with as you read. My hope is that this brings together those in different phases of the healing process so you can learn and grow together. I envision a start line and finish line with people lined up at the different mile markers. As you connect, you join hands and help each other through to the next milestone.

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.