Maureen Pratt - Peace in the Storm: Meditations on Chronic Pain and Illness

Table of Contents

To Jane Jordan Brownementor, agent,
fellow prayer warrior... friend

The human spirit can endure a sick body,
but who can bear it if the spirit is crushed?

Proverbs 18:14, New Living Translation

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

There are many people I have to thank, but first I have to say that I am so grateful to the Lord for this opportunity, and I lift up to him all my song and praise.

Next, I would also like to thank my mother, for her never-ending support, love, and laughter. What a glorious gift God has given me in you!

My gratitude goes to Michelle Rapkin, my editor, for her guidance, insight, and humor. And to the rest of the team at Doubleday Religionthank you, too!

To Danielle Egan-Miller, Cassie, Joanna, and all the great people at Browne & Miller Literary, I admire you and am delighted to be working with you. In memory of my late agent, Jane Jordan Browne, I praise God for letting me learn from the best.

Several people read parts of the early drafts of this book. To Cyndee, Katrina, Frank, Donie, Nancy, and Lindathank you for your spirit, faith, and great suggestions!

My early writing years were deeply inspired by Walter J. Burghardt, S.J., and I would like to thank him for his encouragement and ever-continuing fellowship.

And to my fellow prayer warriors, lupies, fibros, hypo-thyroid sufferers, and everyone who also walks this path of illness and discovery, I give my prayers and encouragementa stronger, more resilient group of remarkable men and women cannot be found!

Praise God for all of his many miraculous blessings!

MAUREEN PRATT

INTRODUCTION

Living with a chronic illness is never easy, but I cannot imagine walking this road without the Lord. To be sure, there are times when pain overtakes any effort of mine to focus on prayer. And there are times when the days and nights seem so endlessly full of physical challenge that I am weary, truly weary, of even lifting a hand to read from the Word. Still, the only way for me to continue on in joy, hope, and faith is to believe, to know, that Jesus is right beside me each step, no matter how painful.

SICKNESS AND HEALTH...

My childhood was fraught with illness. By the time I was eighteen years old I had had pneumonia thirteen times, bronchitis, asthma, colitis, measles, mumps, chicken pox, and basic adolescence. I had been declared terminal by healthcare professionals on more than one occasion and had received the Sacrament of Last Rites. Still, as horrible as my illnesses seemed to be, and as endless, I recovered. After graduating from high school on time, I went away to college, earned my degree, and worked in high-profile, difficult jobs. I was a National Park Service ranger at the Lincoln Home and at the Kennedy Center. I worked in multilingual positions in Washington, D.C. I began working on a graduate degree at Carnegie Mellon University.

And I was diagnosed with Graves disease.

The diagnosis derailed my grad school plans. I underwent treatment while working at international organizations. I felt better and moved on to a position as an MBA recruiter for a consulting firm, traveling across the country to campuses such as Harvard, Stanford, Wharton, and the University of Chicago. I completed translation course work and put my skills to use as a freelance translator, then applied once again to graduate schools and decided to attend UCLAs School of Theater, Film and Television. After earning my degree, I used my business and music skills, working in an office and conducting a church gospel choir. I assumed I would be working for a long time, building the choir, building a career. And then...

I was diagnosed with a severe case of lupus.

Then Sjogrens Syndrome, Hashimotos thyroiditis, vasculitis, and fibromyalgia.

My whole world and expectations turned upside down. It was as if the Lord was crafting two people of methe one who was productive and the one who was sick! How could I make sense of this duality? How could I continue to live, be productive, and witness as my body was wracked with challenge after challenge, pain upon pain?

The answer to these questions could not readily be found in the world around me. Illness, especially one that is severe and/or chronic, is often construed as weakness. Missing days of work, being unable to keep social commitments, going from one health crisis to anotherall of these take the sufferer away from the conventional world and the people who move about in it. People who cant keep up are often dismissed or discardedby friends, colleagues, even family members. Misinformation about chronic illnesses can circulate, making the sufferer a kind of pariah, much like the lepers in the Bible.

Also, because many illnesses are incurable, the medical community can often dismiss a sufferer, saying, Theres really nothing we can do.

Live with it, they might tell the patient.

To which we sufferers reply, Thats easy to say. But how do we really do that?

A FIRM FOUNDATION

Throughout my youth and young adulthood, I was a believer. I read the Bible cover to cover, soaking up every word, every story of Gods loving power and saving grace. I found hope there, and grace. I found examples in Job, Mary, and Jesus that gave me role models for handling my own difficulties. The simplicity and beauty of Psalms, Corinthians, and Proverbs lifted my heart and gave me sustenance for my journey.

But it wasnt until I was diagnosed with lupus and my struggle with serious illness reached a new height that I truly began to understand how remarkable, how crucial the peace of Christ is in the midst of the stormthe battle for health of spirit.

Lupus has no medical cure. In lupus, ones own body produces antibodies that attack internal organs and tissues, causing excruciating inflammation and complications that, at their mildest, result in pain and bone-numbing fatigue and, at their worst, result in failure of organ systems (kidneys perhaps, or lungs). Some lupus patients die from complications stemming from the disease, long-term medication side effects, or other lupus-related problems.

Truly, the diagnosis of lupus sent me smack into the midst of a raging, out-of-control storm. I had to stop working, personal relationships fell apart, my body was at war with itself. There were some days (and still are) when I could not get out of bed. Medications designed to combat symptoms caused bad side effects. Performing simple tasks, such as cooking or doing the laundry, seemed monumental and often impossible.

Turning again to Scripture, I had new questions, fervent questions. My prayer life became a kind of constant search for meaning, strength, and calm.

And through this initial reaction to the diagnosis and knowledge that Id probably be living with lupus awhile, the Lord responded. He worked to give me the right doctors, the right sense of humor. He knew I needed a lot of time to rest and sleep, and he gave that to me. And, as always in the past, he has been with me each step of the way.

He answers my cries and my prayers with profound, lasting peace.

The search for this peace has brought me closer than ever to Scripture and the Lord. It has also moved me closer to a faith community that encompasses not only my home church, but Christians the world over who also struggle with illness. We encourage one another, we laugh and cry with one another. We marvel at the peace that comes only from communion with Christ.