Kira Lynne - Aches, Pains, and Love

CONTENTS

PRAISE FOR

ACHES, PAINS, AND LOVE

I highly recommend this excellent book. Aches, Pains, and Love is chock-full of candid and down-to-earth advice, all of it liberally spiced with wisdom coming from the authors many years of experience living with chronic pain and illness. I particularly appreciated the crucial distinction she makes between a partner being educated about your condition (a necessity) and your partner being able to actually feel what life is like for you (highly unlikely). The good news is that the latter isnt necessary in order for a relationship to thrive, so long as respect and compassion are present. I hope that everyone who is chronically ill and is either in a relationship or wishes to be in one will read this book.

TONI BERNHARD , author of How to Be Sick and How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness

Clear your calendar because once you start this book you will want to read it from cover to cover! At turns laugh-out-loud funny and poignant, Kira Lynne teaches you how to be your best self so you can have the relationship you deserve. She makes clear that self-improvement is a choice; choose this book, and you wont be disappointed.

SUSAN MILSTREY WELLS , author of A Delicate Balance: Living Successfully With Chronic Illness

Kira Lynne candidly shares her experience of what she has learned through dating and marriage while suffering from a chronic illness. Communication is key, and this book delivers insight and communication tactics to educate the reader on how to best build open, loving relationships. Kiras witty style makes this an easy to read. This may be the most thorough book on dating and chronic illness ever written, and I wish it had been available when I was navigating the dating circles. Bravo!

LORI HARTWELL , author of Chronically Happy: Joyful Living in Spite of Chronic Illness

Brilliant and long overdue. A must-read for anyone living with pain or chronic illness and for those who love them. Bringing refreshing insights from her own personal experience, Kira Lynne guides you, step by step, on a path to meaningful, loving, happy, and healthy relationships, starting with yourself.

DENISE STROUDE , RPC, MPCC, Vice President of Rhodes Wellness College

Kudos to Kira Lynne for her efforts to help herself and so many others in dealing with chronic, often debilitating pain and illness. With a wisdom few of us can muster, she brings hope to people living with these conditions, a genuine hope for loving and nurturing relationships.

PAUL STEINBERG , MD, author of A Salamanders Tale

Kira Lynne invites the reader to share her journey through decades of aches, pains, and love with a degree of unvarnished frankness rarely seen in non-fiction. She utilizes her often painful experiences to formulate a practical, useful guide for any reader who lives with chronic illness and pain. The topic is sensitive, but Kira lays out a welcome mat for readers to join her and step through the door to a healthier life and better relationships. Beyond the central topic of managing relationships while ill, Kira shares a path to a fuller and more meaningful life with illness, whether one is in a romantic relationship or not.

JOY H. SELAK , Ph.D.

Kira has written an accessible, humorous, moving, and honest account of the very real impact chronic health conditions can have on romantic life. Packed full of useful tips learned through her own experience, as well as wise counsel, this book is a valuable resource for anyone seeking a relationship whilst living with a chronic health condition of any kind. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if this book had been available many years ago, when I was a young woman first living with a spinal injurydaunted and shy about how to find intimacy and love through a sexual relationship. Intimacy and chronic health conditions is an area that is rarely discussed or written about, which makes this book all the more important.

VIDYALAMA BURCH , author of Living Well with Pain and Illness:

The Mindful Way to Free Yourself from Suffering

A comforting and helpful guide to navigating relationships while dealing with chronic pain. Kira Lynne walks you through a healing and hope-filled process to create safe and loving relationships!

ABIGAIL STEIDLEY , Mind-Body Coach

Aches, Pains, and Love: A Guide to Dating and Relationships

for Those with Chronic Pain and Illness

Copyright @ 2016 by Kira Lynne

All Rights Reserved

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Lynne, Kira, author

Aches, pains, and love: a guide to dating and relationships

for those with chronic pain and illness / Kira Lynne.

Issued in print and electronic formats.

ISBN 978-0-9949935-0-2 (paperback).

ISBN 978-0-9949935-1-9 (ebook)

1. Dating (Social customs). 2. Chronically ill.

3. Chronic painPatients. I. Title.

HQ801.L955 2016 646.77 C2016-900124-5

C2016-900125-3

Cover and Interior Design: Naomi MacDougall

Published in Canada by Moppet Press

Except for brief quotations and for use in reviews, no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, digital or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the publisher.

If you would like to do any of the above, please seek permission first by contacting us at moppetpress.com.

Limits of Liability and Disclaimer of Warranty:

The author and publisher shall not be liable in the event of incidental or consequential damages in connection with, or arising out of, the furnishing, performance, or use of the instructions and suggestions contained in this book.

For all my fellow spoonies

FOREWORD

IT IS A true privilege to write the foreword for this remarkable book. While reading Aches, Pains, and Love , I was struck by Kira Lynnes honesty and clarity of thought, and I was amazed by the transformation she has undergone since I first met her. I was also reminded of one of my patients, a man I will refer to as John.

John uses humour to deal with his de-identification , the process by which someone with chronic illness lets go of their old identity and accepts a new reality for themselves. John, a very funny man, now refers to himself as John-lite. Recently, when a friend called him to go out for a beer, he quipped, John would love that. But John-lite would prefer if you came over and brought some tea so we could chat for a half-hour.

I share this story because Johns method of dealing with and ultimately surmounting some of the social challenges related to chronic illness demonstrates many of the core messages of Aches, Pains, and Love . This is an important book that focuses on dating and relationship advice for those with chronic pain and illness but is also filled with wisdom for anyone struggling with the social side of life.

Johns decision to refer to himself as John-lite reveals many things: it shows us the incredible power of thought, the ability we all have to reframe our conception of ourselves through language and ideas; it shows us how compassion for oneself is the vital first step to engaging with the outside world, as Johns nickname indicates an endearing tenderness towards his own circumstance; and it shows us that acceptance is a process, not a decision, and certainly not the same as giving upa message that lies at the heart of this wonderful book.