Judith Johnson - Making Peace with Death and Dying: A Practical Guide to Liberating Ourselves from the Death Taboo

advance praise for

making peace with death and dying

Judith Johnson brings decades of experience working with the dying and their loved ones to this extraordinary, much-needed book about how to confront our mortality with open-hearted curiosity and mindful awareness. Intelligent, wise, and gracefully written, her work deserves a place on your shelf beside Ernest Beckers The Denial of Death and Sogyal Rinpoches The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying . I could not recommend it more highly. Mark Matousek, author of When You Are Falling, Dive: Lessons in the Art of Living

Inspired by the death of her own mother, Judith Johnson reveals how the personal can touch the universal. With refreshing honesty, she exposes cultural taboos and helps us to examine limiting core beliefs and discover how to transform our relationship to death. Her book is at once practical, encouraging, and reassuring for those wishing to be a compassionate companion to people facing illness and death. Frank Ostaseski, founder and director of Metta Institute and author of The Five Invitations

Judith Johnson offers important guidelines for dealing with death and dying, and she urges us all to prepare ourselves and assist others in a caring and intelligent way. You can sense how her heart has been educated by experience as she explores many facets of dying in the contemporary world. Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul

As a guide to those seeking to consciously grow, serve, and thrive as elders, I find Making Peace with Death and Dying a comprehensive, powerful, and vitally important resource. Judith Johnsons book is unique in its exploration of virtually every facet of death and dying in the contemporary world. It paints a vivid picture of how the strong cultural denial of dying and death disempowers and disables us from preparing in so many important ways for one of lifes most natural, and important, experiences. And it contrasts this with a rapidly emerging (yet grounded in many of the worlds spiritual traditions) understanding of how to meet death with compassion, acceptance, trust, and even curiosity. A significant section of this book is devoted to reflections, exercises, and poignant stories which help you explore your relationship to your mortality. These are in support of the books invitation to befriend lifes final passage and the smaller endings throughout life as opportunities for growth, compassion, and true embracing of each precious experience of transitory mortal life. Ron Pevny, director of the Center for Conscious Eldering and author of Conscious Living, Conscious Aging

In this deeply felt book, Judith Johnson shares the lessons she has learned on dying and living following the death of her beloved mother. Her journey of discovery encompasses not only the practical aspects of caring for loved ones at the end of life, but also the cultural, historical, and most importantly, spiritual aspects of our relationship with death and dying. This book is an invitation to radically transform how we live by examining our understanding of death, a project which is crucial for our society. Leslie J. Blackhall, MD, MTS, Tussi and John Kluge Chair for Palliative Medicine, University of Virginia School of Medicine

Making Peace with Death and Dying is everything you ever wanted to know about dying and the death culture. Yes, that is an exaggeration, BUT this book is comprehensive, honest, woven with personal stories, and very well done. Dont let the title scare you. It is very much about living. Barbara Karnes, RN, author of The Final Act of Living

Judith Johnson has written a heartfelt appeal for us to free ourselves from the death taboo that continues to haunt our culture. She also provides many helpful practices to assist us in developing a healthy relationship with death and dyingour own and others. This book springs out of the authors strong spiritual commitment to her dying mother. It makes a valuable contribution to the emerging literature on holistic approaches to the profound and inescapable realm of death. Ralph White, cofounder of New York Open Center and author of The Jeweled Highway: On the Quest for a Life of Meaning

Making Peace with Death and Dying: A Practical Guide to Liberating Ourselves from the Death Taboo 2022 by Judith Johnson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without the consent of the publisher except in critical articles or reviews. Contact the publisher for information.

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-948626-53-8

eBook ISBN: 978-1-948626-54-5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Johnson, Judith (Judith Ann), 1948- author.

Title: Making peace with death and dying : a practical guide to liberating

ourselves from the death taboo / Judith Johnson.

Description: Rhinebeck, New York : Monkfish Book Publishing Company, [2022]

| Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021038750 (print) | LCCN 2021038751 (ebook) | ISBN

9781948626538 (paperback) | ISBN 9781948626545 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Death--Social aspects--United States. | Grief--Social

aspects--United States.

Classification: LCC HQ1073.5.U6 J64 2022 (print) | LCC HQ1073.5.U6

(ebook) | DDC 306.90973--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021038750

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021038751

Book and cover design by Colin Rolfe

Front cover image by Sandra Seitamaa

Monkfish Book Publishing Company

22 East Market Street, Suite 304

Rhinebeck, NY 12572

(845) 876-4861

monkfishpublishing.com

contents

Part One:

The Changing Face of Death in America

Part Two:

Transforming Your Relationship to Death and Dying

Key #2

Key #3

Key #4

Key #5

Key #6

Key #7

Key #8

Key #9

introduction

fulfilling a deathbed promise to my mother

T oward the end of my mothers dying process, I was sitting beside her holding her handjust being with her. Suddenly, she grabbed my wrist, gave me that eye-piercing look that only mothers can give, and made me promise to write about what we had learned about living and dying under the American Death Taboo. She didnt call it that, but thats how I have come to think of it. This book is the fulfillment of my deathbed promise to my mother.

Before I share with you some of the tender and magnificent lessons my mom and I learned about dying, death, and grieving, I want to say a few words about the exercises in this book. They are designed to engage you in actively exploring your own relationship with death in order to achieve greater inner peace by freeing yourself from the Death Taboo. Breaking free of the insidious effects of our Death Taboo requires more than the mere intellectual process of reading a book. Personal liberation necessitates deeper inner exploration. There are forty exercises. You may want to do some or all of them with others with whom you can share your respective points of view and open up dialogue on these important matters. Also, consider writing your answers in a journal. The act of writing can assist you in probing for deeper answers, and the recording of your responses can be useful for future reference.

This first exercise is intended to give you a reference point for where you are in your relationship to your own mortality as you began reading this book.

I encourage you to participate in as many of the exercises in this book as possible, as each one is intended to assist you in evolving your own relationship to death and dying.