Marina L. Reed - Remember, Its Ok: Loss of a Partner

Remember, Its OK

Loss of a Partner

Remember, Its OK

Loss of a Partner

MARINA L. REED
MARIAN GRACE BOYD

Remember, Its OK: Loss of a Partner

Copyright 2020 by Marina L. Reed and Marian Grace Boyd

ISBN: 978-1-989517-04-8

All rights reserved.

Editor: Allister Thompson

Book Designer: Jamie Arts

Published in Stratford, Canada, by Next Chapter Press, an imprint of Blue Moon Publishers.

Printed and bound in Canada.

The authors are gratified that you chose this book to be with you during your grief. Please consider leaving a review wherever you bought the book, or tell others about Remember, Its OK: Loss of a Partner. We can all help and support each other in the grief journey.

Remember, Its OK: Loss of a Partner. Copyright 2020 by Marina L. Reed and Marian Grace Boyd. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Blue Moon Publishers. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.

Table of Contents

OTHER BOOKS IN THE REMEMBER, ITS OK SERIES

Loss of a Parent

Loss for Teens

OTHER NEXT CHAPTER PRESS BOOKS ABOUT GRIEF AND LOSS

THE WISH I KNEW GRIEF COLLECTION

Conscious Grief & Loss Guide

Conscious Grief & Loss Guide Workbook

Gentle Quotes on Grief & Loss

Grief & Loss Guided Journal

To all those who have lost their partner,
the love of their life

FOREWORD

Although we all unconsciously know death is always present, lurking, on the periphery, biding its time to enter our lives, we are content to keep it out of our awareness. Nothing can prepare us for the loss of one who is deeply loved.

Remember, Its OK is a testament to the power of love and the innate healing potential within each one of us. I loved the time and space made to honour grief, the searing honesty, and the ascent back to life and a reforged self. This book provides us with a way forward and allows us to move through all the tumultuous emotions grief throws our way. The authors use six colours as the road map forward, one that calls to our emotional selves, from Red through to Pale Blue. They show there is light at the end of the journey.

Remember, Its OK, doesnt allow us to short change the all- encompassing reach of death and loss. We begin to understand that it is not only the loss of our loved one, but also the loss of a life and the self that no longer exist. We are uplifted by the words of the support person, sparse, compassionate, understanding, containing seeds of hope.

Remember, Its OK, is a gift, a gem, for all who have lost a loved one. It is an enlightening guide for friends, colleagues, family members, therapists, and those in the helping professions, allowing them entry into a world that can only be known by those who have been unwilling travellers in this terrain of loss. After reading this beautifully written book, it will no longer be possible or even desirable, to dismiss, shrink, and relegate grief into a small, manageable package.

Having worked as a therapist for twenty years, grief has made many trips through my office door. I wish Remember, Its OK, would have been available for all of us: my clients, their friends, family, colleagues, and myself. This book is an inspirational demonstration of allowing, welcoming, and being supportive of whatever presents itself during the grief process. It is a beautiful dance between a courageous griever, the wise and talented companion, and the love lost. There are no timelines, no right or wrong, simply a person and deep honouring. A process that doesnt limit itself to survival but creates opportunities for profound healing, growth, and transformation.

I hope you find this book as beautiful, heart-wrenching, and ultimately triumphant as I did.

Sincerely,

Karen Harrington,

Psychotherapist

(B.A., M.A. Psychology/Grief Counselling)

ABOUT THIS BOOK, REMEMBER, ITS OK.

Navigating the waters of grief for those who have lost a loved one, and those who want to help a grieving loved one.

Remember, Its OK is an experiential book. You will live this book, not just read it.

Remember, Its OK is a series of books dealing with specific types of losses. This first book deals with the loss of a partner, a spouse, a significant other. It has been written in the point of view of a woman but is equally viable and pertinent to loss that a man suffers. If you are a man reading this book, we humbly ask that you substitute he for she and make this your own personal journey. The same is true whether your partner was a man or a woman. This book is for anyone who has lost the love of their life. Period.

Even though some of the moments refer to interactions with children the couple may have had together, not everyone has children. Please feel free to insert step-children into those moments, as well as godchildren, nieces or nephews, or dear friends. Whatever is right for you.

We also want to mention that grief does not know religion, and we invite you to heal regardless of your religious affiliation. Special events and celebrations can be difficult when you have lost someone. Since we could not include special occasions from each religion, we have included moments around Christmas because it is widely celebrated and recognized. Again, we humbly ask that you substitute your religious holiday in its place; the feelings will still be similar. Thank you so much.

Please recognize that this book supports the loss of your loved one, no matter how they passed away. This book is for you, the one left behind.

Grief is not a linear process. The stages of grief were initially designed by Kbler-Ross in order to support palliative patients. It was never designed for people who have experienced loss. Rather than moving from one stage to another, grief is a journey that cycles back and forth, in and out, as you find your way home. Please use this book to support how you feel, regardless of how much time has passed between now and when you experienced your loss. Explore the different colour sections and use the Moments that work for you. Go from colour to colour as you see fit, what works for you each day. You may find that you read all of Red two or three times and even come back to it when you are at the end of the book, and thats OK. It is your journey.

Colours have universal themes that have resonated throughout history. The colour choices were instinctual for us from the beginning:

Red: survival, urgency

Orange: beginning to find self, immediacy

Yellow: coming back to self, growing awareness

Green: learning to balance self, learning

Turquoise: what path am I on now, increased awareness and curiosity

Pale blue: clarity of new path, beginning to move forward, increased openness

We have left blank pages after the Yellow and Pale Blue Moments for you to insert your own personal story, drawings, reminders, photos, struggles, achievements, joys, and sorrows. It will be something for you to learn from and reflect upon as you continue on your grief journey. Please dont leave them blank. Start another journal if you feel inspired and need more pages.