Robert J. Wicks - The Inner Life of the Counselor

1. Chapter 3: Recognizing the Cues of Subtle Mindlessnesss
2. Chapter 5: Experiencing a New Type of Counselor Self-Nurturance

Robert J. Wicks

Copyright 2012 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Wicks, Robert J.

The inner life of the counselor / Robert J. Wicks.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-118-19374-7 (hardback); ISBN 978-1-118-22762-6 (ebk)

ISBN 978-1-118-23340-5 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-26526-0 (ebk)

1. Mental health personnelLife skills guides. 2. Mental health personnelJob stress. 3. Mental health personnel and patient. I. Title.

RC440.8.W53 2012

616.89dc23

2012008101

For Dan Boyd, Geraldine Fialkowski, Brendan Geary, Eugene Hasson, J. Shep Jeffreys, Michaele Kulick, John McLaughlin, Rick Parsons, and Tom Rodgerson. All consummate clinicians, wonderful human beings, and faithful friends

A psychiatrists wife once questioned him about the reason for his loyalty to his mentor, the Zen master, Shunryu Suzuki. She wondered why he was so faithful to the guidance he was receiving. He responded by saying, Where he is, is where I want to be, in that place of sanity (Chadwick, 1999, p. 313). The place he speaks about is where all counselors, therapists, and both professional and nonprofessional caregivers wish to benot only for themselves, but also so they are able to invite others into this space.

In order for this to happen, as counselors we must first take basic steps to encourage resiliency. This includes such activities as self-care, stress management, and those other elements that encourage continued personal growth and professional development. Yet, those who live rich lives as guides and caregivers have realized there is more to a counselors life than remaining resilientas important as that is. There is the gestalt of the core elements responsible for the way through which all of the counselors daily and professional encounters are experiencedwhat we may call here the inner life, a place that should be explored and nourished through the understanding and practice of mindfulness.

How we encounter life, our life, as well as the intense experiences and needs of others, determines whether we will deepen, remain stagnant, or simply become disillusioned as persons and helpers. As I have maintained and noted elsewhere (The Resilient Clinician, Oxford University Press, 2008; and Riding the Dragon, Sorin Books, 2003), it is not the amount of darkness in the world that matters. It is not even the amount of darkness in ourselves that matters. Instead, in the end, it is how we stand in that very darkness that makes the ultimate difference in how peaceful, joyful, grateful, and satisfied we will be both professionally and personally in life.

In the last several years the topic of mindfulness has received expanded attention from us as counselors. In addition, over the past decade, the positive psychology movement fostered by Csikszentmihalyi (1990), Fredrickson (2002), Seligman (2002), and others has helped us see that we need to shift our angle of vision to help our clients (and ourselves, for that matter) to experience greater balance and fullness in life. However, long before these two psychological movements arrived on the scene, the wisdom literature of world spiritualities (albeit usually not always in an empirical way) was addressing the question of how we can live more meaningfully, mindfully, and fully.

In this book, with a focus specifically on the counselor, I wish to tap into some of this classical and contemporary spiritual and psychological wisdom to provide encouragement to professional helpersin what I believe to be simple, profound waysto take note of their lives more gently and clearly. The goal is to help them to:

• Let go more readily of the nonessential or destructive.
• Instill a greater sense of mindfulness.
• Fully embrace through practice those elements that can enhance maintaining a healthier perspectiveno matter what darkness is being faced in ones clinical practice or personal life.

To encourage a lifelong journey steeped in this wisdom, a list of recommended readings and an opportunity to retreat and reflect on the thoughts of modern mentors of alonetime are also provided at the books conclusion.