Leon Rolle - About This Boy: Growing Up, Making Mistakes and Becoming Me

For my eleven-year-old son, Leonyedus.
This book is my personal gift to you in the hope that it will have a positive impact on your journey through life.
Love you for ever, best friends, promise! L.R.

For Berthy D.O.

Hi, Im Leon Rolle, but you might know me better as Locksmith from Rudimental. Before I was a global rock star, I was a kid from Hackney in East London. I loved doing the same things you do: hanging out with my friends, watching TV, playing video games, kicking a football and, of course, making music.

I loved football and music growing up. They were my passions, and they both gave me so much. Football was my first love. When I was a young kid, it was the most important thing in my life. I thought about it all day and I dreamed about it all night. I wanted to be a professional footballer, and I played for Arsenals youth team until I was sixteen. But in the end life took me down a different path. And thats OK, because thats what lifes all about.

I love being in Rudimental and I love my band mates. Music has always been the backdrop to everything Ive done. I like the way it can lift you up and make you understand your emotions. Music is also a place for escapism and expression. You can get lost in making music and it can make you feel like youre creating a whole new world, rather than staying in the one youre in.

Music has meant Ive done some amazing stuff in my life, like touring the world and scoring five UK Number One hits. And now Im here, writing this book to tell you what I wish Id known growing up. I love that Im in a position to help kids, like you, to be the best version of yourself. And none of that would have happened if my life had been different.

A lot of this book was inspired by my son. I was pretty young when he was born, and I felt a wave of responsibility to be the best man I could possibly be, for him. I didnt grow up with a father, so I didnt know what that meant. I wasnt scared at the thought of becoming a dad, though. I was excited as this was another challenge for me.

I wanted to have a kid early in life because I wanted to give a kid all the things I didnt have when I was growing up. Im not talking about material things. Im talking about life stuff. I just wanted to be there for my kid. Mostly, though, I wanted my kid to know that its not about whether things go well or badly in life, but how you cope with them.

It wasnt easy for me growing up and I made mistakes. But I dont regret what happened, because it made me who I am today, and mistakes are just a part of life.

No matter who you are, what you look like or where you come from, with the right attitude, you have the power to be great. I hope this book will inspire you to embrace lifes successes and its failures. They are just a part of growing up and becoming you.

Thanks for reading!

Leon Rolle

Locksmith from Rudimental

It was July 2015 and Id just stepped out onto the stage at Wembley Stadium with my band mates to hear everyone screaming the lyrics to one of our songs. The lights were really bright. The crowd looked like 90,000 shadows moving around with the music. But if I squinted, I could see some faces.

I was sweating. My shirt was stuck to my body, and there were so many more songs to go. When I left the stage, it would look like Id jumped into a swimming pool with my clothes on. My band mates were around me, and I was jumping up and down with the mic in my hand. It was an amazing feeling. I loved it.

Out of the thousands of people who come to my concerts, I always look like Im having the most fun. When Im on stage, I feel in control of everything. If I stop the music, people will stop moving. If I shout into the microphone and ask the crowd to do something, they will do it. Its the best feeling in the world. But its a performance. Im putting on a show: it feels like I could step out of my body and watch myself.

When I was a young boy, it was the same. My emotions have always been so strong, but because I was always confident in front of people, no one had a clue I was hiding this turbulence inside. So, I felt alone.

I grew up in an area called Hackney, in East London. It was one of those loud places. Every time you walked down the street, people would be talking like we all wanted to hear their conversation. There were no mobile phones back then so everyone spoke face to face, and the streets always looked busy with people.

I lived with my mum and my two sisters. (My dad had lots of kids so I had more brothers and sisters too, but they didnt live with us. And my dad wasnt in the picture either.) Our house was as busy inside as the streets were outside. This meant I always had a mini audience around me, and I played to it.

We all have that cousin or sibling who we secretly think is a show-off. That was probably me. You could put me in front of any crowd of people, and I would feel confident and in control while I was performing. The word performing is important because it means that youre not really being you. Thats how you could describe me when Im in front of people or a crowd.

Ive never had an issue standing up in front of people. When I was younger, I wasnt performing music as such, but I was always happy to get up and dance around and get the party started. But it was like someone else took me over, like I was two people in one. When I was in front of a group of people, it was as though there was a smaller version of myself hiding inside me. Probably curled into a ball. Probably sad and lonely. And angry. No one would know about him except me. Often no one looked for the real me behind the performance, and that made me feel angry and alone, which had a big impact on my behaviour.

The first time my emotions exploded was in Year Three. You dont really do much in Year Three and the teachers are so happy there isnt much to be upset by. Except if you have a Jamal in your year. Jamal was always moving about and fiddling with stuff. He couldnt keep his hands off things. And that included me. He didnt bully me, but he got on my nerves on purpose.

He loved to do things to get me upset.

If he walked behind me, he would try and step on the back of one of my shoes so it came off.

Annoying.

He would poke me while I was trying to listen to our teacher read us a story.

Annoying.

Or he would flick my ear when I was working.

So annoying.

I would walk to the toilets and cry. Thats how I dealt with it. Sitting on a toilet seat with my hands covering my eyes. I thought I was upset at how he was treating me. But I think they were hot tears of anger that I couldnt control what was happening to me and my emotional reaction to it.

There was one week when Jamal had been doing a lot to me. More than usual. It was like nonstop. And, finally, I decided it was enough.

I thought about what I was going to do to Jamal all weekend. I even daydreamed about hiding a pair of scissors in my sock and then if he came near me, I would pull them out. He would be scared and leave me alone. But I could never do that in real life. It was stupid and wrong. Instead, I decided that I was going to fight him if he came up to me in class.