Charles Valentine - A Modern Day Prophet: The Visible Truth

A Modern Day
Prophet

The Visible Truth

Charles Valentine

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2012 Charles Valentine. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 1/4/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4670-0914-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-0915-7 (e)

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Contents

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T he sweat box (prison van) began to vibrate roughly, choking on its own fumes as the diesel engine chugged into action. I felt numb from my toes to the tip of my head as I sat there, tightly packed in the small cubicle with only enough space to sit, like a bit of livestock being transported for money.

I was numb about what had just happened to me, numb about what I was leaving behind and numb about the emotional rollercoaster ride that lay out in front of me.

Deep down into the depths of despair was the place into which I was about to plunge and I had no choice or control in the matter.

I knew from the empty hollowed out feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was a journey from which I couldnt escape! I was oblivious to the fact that we had already started moving, my mind was in a million other places except where I presently was, on my way to prison.

The implications of my situation were too much for me to comprehend; it all seemed so bleak in my mind. As I peered through the small square twelve by twelve inch darkened window at the dark grey cloud like a vast blanket smothering out any trace of sunlight, the heavens looked like they were about to open up and pour down alongside the tears of sadness rolling down my cheeks.

The chasm into which I was falling seemed bottomless, I desperately wanted to wake up from it all, but I knew this nightmare was for real; it was without a doubt, one of the darkest days of my life, because it wasnt just ten years of my life theyd taken, they had also taken my son and most of all my loving partner, they had taken everything I loved and valued in this world.

I could have easily broke down and given in, but giving in was the easy option, I had to soldier on, I had to get through this, this was going to test me to my limits and beyond.

Not just physically, but psychologically take me to dark places I had not yet explored or experienced.

How was I going to cope I thought to myself as we rattled along the winding roads of the countryside towards what seemed like an eternal hell.

I stared emptily out into the fields and farms we were passing, but not really focusing on anything in particular; just visualizing all the good which made a difference in my life, my partners smile, my sons laugh. The more I thought about it, the lower I became.

I was on my way to another world, a world with no real comfort where emotionally I would wither away and be forgotten about. My mind was wrecked with thoughts sadness and despair.

Part of me wanted to give up and throw the towel in, but the fact of the matter was I had to accept it and somehow get through it.

I was no stranger to the prison system, however I can tell you this, any sentence consisting of double figures is a bitter pill to swallow even for the hardest of criminals.

I knew I was going to suffer as would my family and not to say the least my relationship. I knew I would do my best to try and make it a bit easier for everyone involved. But regardless of this, relentless pain and psychological torment were going to be an inevitable reality.

As the sweat box turned its last corner, it slowly made its final descent down towards the prison. Like a drowning man looking at the surface water, I glanced sadly back at freedom on the other side of the wall with the harsh reality of having to somehow accept that I was no longer part of it.

The prison gates opened up like a big mouth, and in I went, submerged, deep into the belly of the beast called HMP (Her Majestys Prisons), where some people never resurface.

That wouldve been the end for a lot of people and was the end for me in many ways; down into dark depths of my mind was the place I broke down. After spending a couple of years in prison, everything I formerly had was slowly peeled away and the realisation sank in. I cried my heart out alone in my cell when I realised the fact that I had lost everything that I held dear, I turned the music up loud on my stereo to drown out my cries and cried like somebody had died, who says real men dont cry? How could I have been so stupid? From the depths of despair, I slowly began to rebuild myself back up, you cant keep a good man down was the attitude I eventually came to adopt, when I felt like I couldnt take any more and life seemed too much to bare, I looked for strength from with inside myself, every time I looked for strength, I found strength in the wisdom of the love for myself because when youre locked up feeling a deep pain within your heart, yourself is all you really have when the door locks. When faced with the possibility of psychological ruin, I then realised the whole system of this world is designed to break your spirit so I told myself I could not let them win. When I had no money left my freedom was taken, when my freedom was taken they tried to take my heart and destroy my soul like they hadnt taken enough already, I was reduced to nothing,

If Im honest I played the major role in my own demise, a demise I truly feel the world helped to guide me towards. Its an easy thing to start pointing the finger of blame after youve messed up, nevertheless the blame eventually and ultimately lay with me, In a moment of desperation of trying to raise money for a failing business which was definitely heading under, I decided to become involved with certain individuals in a random crime which at the time seemed like a quick solution to all my problems. When youre drowning you will even clutch at a straw. The ironic thing was that the setting up of a legitimate business was my attempt at removing myself from the criminal world.

I believed in my own lies and had certainly lied to myself but, I was born into crime and spent time in prison as a baby with my mother, it was the life I was born into and something which came natural to me, This story had begun with me as it does with many of our lives, I started this writing as a story to briefly explain the life I had come from. Violence and crime was a major part in my upbringing, So I ask you to not judge me by my past, but judge me by the people who now know me because I have grown and Im still growing into the person Im wishing to be rather than growing into the person that is expected of me. It also stands as credence to how my life and perception has changed from the me, myself and I perspective to the us, we and our perspective.

Prison wasnt just another chapter in my life, it was a turning point and a harsh lesson in reality, it strips away egotistical thoughts for most people and takes you down to your bare psychological essentials. From what seemed like total ruin I began to rebuild myself positively, through education I improved my knowledge and understanding. I studied body language, business studies, IT courses and various other studies, I also retook my exams in English, maths, Spanish and art and got top grades in all subjects, it was an education by great teachers for which I am now eternally grateful, not bad for someone who was once told by an old school teacher that I werent capable of reaching the top ten percent. I am now aware through various IQ tests that I am above the top ten percent mark, So I proved to myself that there is nothing that cant be achieved through firm determination. I may have been just another criminal in the eyes of some, but I was now an educated individual with the ability to views things from perspectives formerly unavailable to me.